Domestic violence in neighbors: How far can you resist the urge to help?

I think that if we all helped that it would make life better for a lot of children that are being hurt. Turning the other way is so wrong and I don't understand how people can live with themselves after seeing such an act. I never truly understood till I had my own children. I have gone as far as having to pay a fine because some lady at kmart kept slapping her daughter and after the third slap I grabbed her arm and asked her if she would like to hit somebody her own age. She reported me turned out she was the babysitter not the childs mother. The baby was only two and the mother was very happy to pay me back for the fine.

Domestic violence has always been a delicate issue. How far can you go without interfering, and how quiet can you remain without being in a case of refusal of assistance to someone in danger? People always say that "family business is nobody's business", but what when you see a battered woman or a mistreated child? The legal course of action -- i.e., calling the Police -- is probably the best one, although direct confrontation can also be beneficial. Each case should be considered individually. Marillion's ex-singer, Fish, wrote a very good song on this topic, called quite rightly 'Family Business'.

I think you did the right thing. The 5 year old need not be punished for what his mom did. All limits stop when it comes to child abuse. I think all of you neighbors should personally report this if it happens again.

It is always a touchy situation when someone tries to intervene in a domestic dispute between the people who live in the same house no matter their ages. Police officers dread the calls for domestic disturbance more than for homicides. I believe you have done the right thing in getting involved. Bless you! Most people would sit on the sidelines critizing those who were handling the situation for not doing it this way or that way. WAY TO GO! Yes, I would get involved because I have no patience for people who hurt youngsters or the elderly. I commend you for taking that extra step! That youngster will thank you in the long run.

I applaud your courage I wish more people would do that. I also wish school officials and police and social services would take these matters far more seriously than they do instead of the lame excuses they come up with

I think you did the right thing. It's natural for the man to feel depressed but it's not right for him not to control his anger and take it out on his kid, eventhough he doesn't really want to. Maybe it's the man's way of crying for help. Maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist to help him cope but he's thinking that he might lose his child in the process.

Firts off I want to commend you for your act of bravery in trying to help that child..and ithink its rediculous that no one will help...i think that is just disgustimg! I personally would write a huge article in the paper annonymus..and tell you city what kind of crap cops and Social servoe u have and the situation...i bet that would get the ball rolling!! But I want to personally thank you for getting involved..i wouldnt think twice before I would do something..somehow...And the reason that man didnt do or say anything is because he is a child abuser..and a coward..anyone that hurts a child is...ohh! I would stick my foot soooo far up his awrse he would be sucking on my toes for a week!!HAHAAHAHAH!!

If I thought a child was in danger, then I would report it. But I think first I would approach the parent and see if they would be willing to accept help before the law arrives. Why not say something like, "I see that you are under a lot of stress, what can I do to help?" Of course, then if they allow it, I would be obligated to help, maybe by steering the parent to a counselor or support group, or just taking the kids off their hands for a little while, maybe for an afternoon or overnight to give the parent a break. They might not have family members close enough to offer help. When a child is taken into welfare custody, he is kept from people who love him, and is not necessarily put into a better home. I realize that some people will tell you to mind your own business, but it may save the family from the pain of being separated and caught up in family court. If that doesn't work, then welfare should step in!

You did well my friend. I don't think i could have handled that situation in a civilized manner. I probably would have intervened too far and made matters much worse. You kept your composure and handled it very well. Take care Manong.

I'm sorry, I'm like you, I couldn't sit by and know a child was being abused. What can a child do that's so bad that child deserves to be treated that way. If a woman confronted him, his attitude would have been different. I do hope that with you telling him this that it will stop. Honestly as a mother, it also breaks my heart that this poor child's mother left him there in that evil home. I don't know there situation, but can only say she's one heck of a mother, gees.

What you did was very brave indeed... and you deserve a medal. If I saw a man hurting his kid, wife, or even his dog... I would want to do something about it. But I would need to think about what to do... as I have not been in this situation. Those are delicate situations as one is not supposed to interfere with someone else business. And while it is said that there is no excuse for violence... I can think of a dozen excuses right from the top of my head. We have a situation here where a mother has abandonned her 5 year old child to run away with another man... is that not child abuse... We have a very angry father... and he has very good reasons to be... the guy does not need to be arrested... the guy needs a friend to help him out... Furthermore... if you put the father in jail... What happen to the child... So... I really think that the best way to fix this problem... would be to sit down with the guy... have a drink... and sympathise with his situation. If you can remove his anger... by letting him know that he has a friend to whom he can talk to... he won't take his anger on the child anymore. The social service cannot help him... nor the police... nor a doctor. Only a friend can help him get over it.

Good for you in having the courage to speak up. There are hundreds of cases like this in the world every day and these are the kids that end up beaten and abused because no one will take the time and bother to care about them.

you did the right thing. any kind of abuse, specially the children should always be helped. but why doesn't the mother ask for help, she should be the one to file a complaint so that the guy be arrested.

Yes if course it has limits, specially because its basically their personal problem. But i do admire that you have been courageous enough to talk to your neighbor about it. The child should be taken care of no matter what and specially that he/she does not have anything to do with the couples problem. If i were in your position, i would definitely try my best to do the same, and hope that he doesnt beat me too in the process =) Im glad that your neighbor took it quite well though... Happy postings!

What a coward of a man. A heartless coward. Beating a 5 year old boy? I am not surprised his wife left him. The only thing I can't understand is why she didn't bring her boy with her? If I were you I would have called the social services anyway. We all know what that he will think of other ways to hurt his child, this time not within earshot of the neighbours. I think he should be reported to social services. Well done for getting involved!

Oh yea. good for you. Do the follow up the social services. You may not always be close by. they may get counseling for him But you have to stay on them.

Good for you! I'm happy to hear you spoke up and got involved. You're right about the fact that nowdays people hate to get involved. I think if we got more involved in these things it would be a good thing for everybody. A 5 year old can't protect themself and usually that's the parents job, but when they have to be protected from thier own parent I think it's only right to step up and do whatever one can to help the poor child.

His behavour is unacceptable. I would call 911 asap. the next time this happens might be too late-he could kill the child.

Hi, i really proud of u, i would have not done the same, i would have given him the same kicking and beating which he gave to his son so he will realise, the pain which his son got.

Adults have a choice when they are abused,but a child has no where to run.I don't understand why the mother didn't take the child.Is she aware of this?I don't think he became voilent overnight,he was probably the same with his wife.What I don't understand why is this child with the father.Social services is doing nothing?Which country are we talking about. You did the right thing,it could get worse or critical.