do you think talking about your past helps your relationship?
By eminyone
@eminyone (113)
United States
March 5, 2007 2:19pm CST
my boyfriend and i have had a rough past. weve been toghether for 7 years but i cheated on him like 3 years ago. i told him about it. we split up for like 3 months and it was a big mess. the other day he wanted to talk about it. i dont like talking about it because alot of really bad things happened to me. i think it helped both of us by talking about it but i still dont like to remember it. the guy i was with was very mean and threated to kill me and my family and beat me up all the time.i made a fool of myself and i hurt a lot of poeple. do you think it is a good idea to talk about the past from time to time even if it hurts you ??
1 person likes this
4 responses
@mystic2mom (346)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I think you should talk about it when you are ready. And as long as there are no accusations or judgements directed towards you. If it hurts still, you may need to talk about it, just with someone not so close to the situation.
1 person likes this
@carlena1 (120)
• United States
5 Mar 07
In the past, new relations seemed troubled or suspicious when I mention the pain of a past relationship. Like I was re-bounding or something. I also had guys bring it back up on me, or make me re-visit the pain. I thik its better to wait until you have some mileage on the new relationship before bringing up the past- who knows, you may not even care to bring it up at all.
1 person likes this
@rogen_andrei (638)
• Philippines
6 Mar 07
Why would you or your husband want to keep on talking about your pretty bad past? If you wanted to move on and start all over again then I don't think it's necessary you both of you to keep on recalling the mess you were in a couple of years back. And besides, if your husband has totally forgiven you when you cheated him, then I guess he would try to forget the memories brought by those sad chapters in your lives. Yeah, I know it's quite hard to forget things especially the ones which cut the deepest, but I believe that the only way to start all over again and move your marriage a level up, to a direction where cheating and betrayal won't be an issue anymore. Coz how could you ever live a happy and lovely marriage if either of you still nurtures the bad memories in your mind? After all, past is just a past... just make that event a history you wouldn't want to repeat itself. Godbless!
1 person likes this
@belle0818 (81)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
I dont think so. talking about past would just lead things in the wrong way. Maybe once is enough but constant repetitions i think its not really healthy. Its very unfair and stressful in your part.
We should know that People make mistakes and bad things happened for reasons. let past live you behind.
@myworld_and_you (1223)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
If you think your past still hurts you a lot, you always have the right to keep it by yourself first if you don't want to bring it up yet. TIME will always heal. By the time you are now ready to talk about it, for sure, there would be no pain at all. It would seem like it's only a story happened several years ago. That's what I did. When my boyfriend and I for over 3years broke up, I didn't want to mention anything about it because it was too painful. By the time I was able to accept the reality, the pain was suddenly gone. When i told my friends what exactly happened, I felt relieved and it's such a wonderful feeling. So if I were you, take time. If you don't want to brought it up, it's already your choice and nothing's wrong with that. :)
