I certainly hope there's a light at the end of this Terrible Two's tunnel!
@wholelottascents (30)
United States
March 6, 2007 12:19pm CST
Ok, I'm sure this is all normal, but I'm really starting to doubt myself and my parenting skills! My daughter turned two last December, and it seems that there really is a magic switch that gets turned on once they hit that age. She was such a sweet, tender, happy baby, now she's some sort of maniac! Let me name a few of things that we're dealing with, and please, please, please chime in if you too are having these issues, or if you have an answer:
It all seems to stem to her wanting to do everything herself - or that she doesn't know how to communicate her needs. And yes, I have learned to have patience and let her try do it first, and then ask her if she wants my help. But sometimes we're pressed for time and we'll (husband and I) have to take over - that's when the fits really start.
* Everything is hers when you try to help her (independence issues): "No, my eats!" when you come too close to her plate, "No, my shoes!" if you attempt to take off her shoes without asking first, "No, my ABCs!" if you chime-in with her on the alphabet song :o)... and so on...
* Crying fits that can last for hours
- in the morning when we try to get her up and ready for daycare...
- ... which, can then continue on the drive to daycare
- in the evening drive home from daycare, if I don't let her get in her car seat on her own (but she takes so flippin long, and she'll start running around in the car...)
- when we get home from daycare if I can't find a little "chore" for her to help me with, or if we can't play with her because we are puting dinner together.
What I consider a fit is when she cry/screams uncontrollably, and throws herself on the floor. Its definitely something that can wear on your nerves if you can't console her. Such as this mornings fit that occurred from the time we woke her up until I got her to daycare -- I was so frazled she had me bawling when I dropped her off -- her teacher had to console us both :o)
I'm sure this is natural, but she really has me feeling that I am not doing a good job of raising her - like I don't understand her needs, or spending enough time with her. Am I not disciplining her well enough?
We had the same routines that worked great all through baby-hood, but since the Terrible Twos, she's just not digging it. I'm sure we'll find that magic switch and put it back in the "off" position - but until then, we'll continue on this crazy Parenthood roller coaster.
5 people like this
5 responses
@bamaleigh123 (23)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Just wait it out and remember, "this too shall pass". As long as you know that you are trying your best and being the best parent you know how to be, that's all you can do. She's just at the age where she is torn between wanting to be independant and still being a baby. Perfectly normal.
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I know this sounds impossible, but don't try to console her, ignore her when she is having her fits (making sure she doesn't harm herself or others, of course). By giving her attention when she carries on so you are reinforcing her behavior. Give her extra attention when she is in a good mood and praise her when she behaves.
My four-year-old granddaughter will cry and carry on if she doesn't get her way from mom, but doesn't even try it with me anymore because she knows it won't work. Children will manipulate adults as much as we will let them!
2 people like this
@wholelottascents (30)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Thank you - I like your perspective! We just have to keep reminding ourselves, and her, that "she is not the Boss of me!" :o)
1 person likes this
@natrlvr2 (383)
• United States
6 Mar 07
My son's Terrible TWO's lasted until he was 4.It all got better when I was divorced that year.As for who's the boss?My son is now 11 and I have to still remind him that "I" am the boss and I will be for quite awhile yet.LOL.
Anyway, my son never threw tantrums, but he sure was naughty.I can laugh about it now.I gave him time outs and did more one on one time with him.
1 person likes this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Put your seat belt on, honey. Yes, it will pass (when they leave home). After the terrible two's is the tantrum three's and fearsome four's, the fighting five's, the sassy sixes, etc. Try to enjoy each stage your child will go through. Also, try to see life through their eyes. The world looks very different to them. Parenting is the biggest adventure and challenge of your life.
@lonnieN (428)
• United States
6 Mar 07
it is very important that you be patient while raising your child. GOD knows that so the year from 2-3 is hard cause it teaches you patience. Be patient with your daughter. love her. learn how to allow and help her grow independant. From 3-7 she and you will be comfortable with the amount of independance. Then sometime between 7-12 there will be another independance year. then the terrible teens which will be a struggle but by then you will hopefully have totally learned loving patience. It will all go well if you do lots of praying!!
@evalowrain (32)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I've had great luck with the ignoring during the fit. I just walk away and ignore her. I've even put myself in time out - going into the bathroom and just shutting the door while she had her temper tantrum. I used to put her in her room and say, "When you're ready to calm down, you can come out."
Your baby isn't a baby anymore - she's in a full hormonal change that's at least as disruptive to her as the teen years will be. Some people now call this the first pre-adolescence. So be patient - she's probably as scared and tired of being out of control as you are having her out of control.
Also, know that this could very well last through four. For me, three has been the most difficult year so far and lots of other moms have reported similar experiences.
The tantrums are the first thing to tackle before you try anything else, I think. I recommend the book: The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Harvey Karp, M.D., and Paula Spencer. It totally changed my relationship with my daughter. When you read it, it will sound silly, but preschoolers are silly and it totally works. It was the best book I read on positive discipline and toddlers. Also, it goes all the way up to 4 or 5, so you can use it for years.
Best luck!
@wholelottascents (30)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Thank you for the great advice of giving myself a time out! :o)
I think what's most frustrating is that she still can't talk well enough to express what she wants or needs. I feel that once she gets the talking down better it will be more bearable. But like other's have mentioned, there will then be the trying threes, fearsome fours ... and let's not forget about the teenage years (OH NO!)
I must say, it has been better since I first wrote this - I do the ignoring trick and try not to give in to her whining/crying. Its difficult, but you really DO need to let them know that they are not the boss! Thanks all!!
