I don't know how to tell her......
By angel_690
@angel_690 (208)
United States
March 7, 2007 11:30am CST
My 21year old daugter called me today. She has been split up from her husband off and on since her accident(when she lost her leg from being hit while she was working in a car wash)They got married about 6 months before that. I have felt they rushed the marriage thing because he was on a visa from Russia. He is very smart going to collage but their relationship has been very rocky(he is 19) She is asking me to talk to him because he does not want to be in a relationship with her any more and he has already been seeing others, That really bothers me because I feel that if he really loved her he would not move on so easily, But at the same time I think men just do not show emotion the same as women. I don't know but I know I think she is better off without him and she is very depressed. She has had a hard time with everything since she lost her leg and has been fighting with the insurence company to even get any money to cover medical expenses. She has tried to hurt herself before and she lives about 2hours away. I am hurting for her but don't think me talking to him is going to change things. Has anyone else have any suggestions on how I may handle this. I have tried to get her to go to a counsler even marriage counsling for them both, neither are receptive of that so what can I do or should I do?
2 people like this
4 responses
@soulist (2985)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I think you should tell her that you talking to him may make things worse because it would be like you ganging up on him, or trying to pressure him.I
'm not sure how long they were together until they got married, but it seems to me if it was a short time and it was his idea, maybe he was using her to be able to stay in the country (don't suggest that just yet).
@angel_690 (208)
• United States
7 Mar 07
Thank you, that sounds very reasonable and then she can't presume I don't care. I do, but I think she needs to take care of herself emotionally before worrying about a boyfriend or relationship.
@susan50 (110)
• United States
7 Mar 07
While I agree with soulist about telling your daughter that talking to him may make things worse, I still feel that you could give him a call and just ask if he would be willing to talk with you, that way you are not jumping to conclusions. From what you have written, it sounds like you really don't think too much of the guy, could there be more to it than what your daughter is telling you? It could very well be that he only married your daughter to be able to stay in this country and when the accident happened, it gave him an excuse to seek other women.
@Kittson76 (10)
•
7 Mar 07
Stay out of it. Let her and the guy figure things out on their own. Getting in the middle of a marriage dispute is NOWHERE you want to be. It's time you let her be the adult and work on things herself
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
8 Mar 07
how many kids do you have Kittson if you do have kids you would know how hard it is to see your kids in pain you can't help but want to make it all better for them to see them smile especially if they tried to hurt them self and a part of you can't help but blame your self even though its not
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
8 Mar 07
women tend to mature much faster than men and this guy is cheating on her which means that he is putting her life at risk the last thing she need is to have gone through such a bad experience and then find out that she has an uncurable disease that he gave her I can imagine how she feel like tis guy is just kicking her when she is down stay close to her show her love she need it as for this guy they should talk you can try to talk to him regardless but she should not get her hopes up as chances are that it would not have worked out weather she lost her leg or not as he does not sound like the kind of guy that married out of love jsut remember at certain times in a person life they need true love and non is truer than a mothers love
@GACathyMac (32)
• United States
7 Mar 07
Sorry to sound like such a downer, but your son-in-law is only 19. His wife lost a leg in an accident, he is a foreigner, and I don't think he is mature enough to handle having a handicapped wife at this age/stage in his life.
It is so unfortunate that your daughter is dealing with such a horrible situation, but I think she needs to cut her losses and let this guy go. I think she will only experience more heartache if she tries to keep him around - especially if he is becoming physically involved with other women. I don't know of any 19 year old boy that would have the maturity and true feelings of love to stay with a wife who became injured and lost a limb.
GACathyMac
