wosrt thing for parents to say?

I've heard this issue talked about on some talk show a while ago, parents have said things to their children that don't seem to be abusive, or terrible enough to traumatize them into their adulthood but nonetheless can instill in them negative feelings and needless to say can be harmful. The comments I remember my parents saying to me, although, I don't think they were said deliberately to hurt but inadvertintly made the growing up process a little difficult for me, like, "Don't dawdle coming home from school, come straight home," I remember hearing from my parent talking to other people about us kids that me and one of my other sister were 'the slow ones' That really affected me, so when I heard 'don't dawdle, come straight home, don't be daydreaming,' and in my mind I heard 'your a slowpoke, a daydreamer, you'll never amount to anything.' Now that I'm an adult I think to myself, if I didn't come straight home where would I go, anyway, that's where I live, that's where my parents take care of me. But who knew that things we heard growing up parents shouldn't say, they were probably told these things when they were growing up. So you live and learn, What else can we do, you know what I mean. I'm just grateful that my parents weren't the ones who actually said to their kids,, "You'll never amount to anything", "Your no good", or "I wish I never had you." It's hard to believe that some mothers and fathers actually say things like this to the children that were born to them. How awful that must be. How cruel and cold-hearted. Maybe whatever experience we had growing up taught us to be kind and gentle to our kids. You know what I mean. So, I think you should get a lot of comments from this discussion. Good luck.

My parents used to say that I was the least intelligent of us (I have 2 sisters). The basis for this was that on the schools IQ tests done in Year 6 my score was 129 and my sisters were 130+ (they stopped measuring at 130). They didn't want me doing certain subjects because they doubted my ability to do them. I worked until 25 so I could afford to put myself through uni, and then my choice of a science degree was questioned. At the end of first year the comment was "we're glad you haven't failed anything yet". I never failed anything, I did my degree in the minimum possible time. In fact I am the only child who went to university and I have several degrees. The problem was that they weren't intending to be nasty, but it felt like I was constantly being put down. My father was a teacher of woodwork and metalwork and very good at making things. My 2 sisters were pretty good at that 2 but I am not good with my hands, so I was always the one who was "useless" and to make matters worse my sisters thought I was like this deliberately to get out of doing things.

well for me was also "if you dont stop crying ill give you something to cry" and my parents would spank me. but for me, because out of my family and brothers, i was the only one that thought myself different and thought i was adopted. i thought this because when i was 9 month old i was operated and i was the only one operated. i looked at myself and have the face as an ugly guy compare to my brothers, everybody says they are "handsome." well going again with my issues again....so, the worst thing they had ever told me was from my mom saying "im not your mom anymore." she said this cause i did something wrong or bad so she got mad.

It was their two-facedness I could never stand. I hear: "You can do whatever, be whatever and dont let anyone say you cant because you are female". I joined the Army aftert completing high school and first thing out of their mouths was "Why are you acting like a man?". Then it was "dont judge people because of their color". We move to a city and high school where a white person was a minority. Then I'm told - dont make friends with 'them' and bring them to our house. I nearly went crazy during my teen years.

There were many things my parents said to me that were not "very nice" to put it mildly. The one thing that was very neggative and still does effect me to this day is that I was told "your stupid and you won't amount to anything." Well,lets just say that I now have children of my own and struggle helping them with their homework. I still have low self esteem and work very hard not to let my kids see that. I do tell my children that they are smart and can do anything they put their minds too. I'm proud to say that my daughter just brought home straight A's and my son is caring all a's and b's.

Parents say lots to their children that most times they dont mean. I dont remember anything that really sticks out...but my uncle use to say this to my cousin "you are a nothing and will always be a nothing" I cant imagine how that would have affected me if my dad had ever said something like that to me. My cousin today is a pretty screwed up person. I don't think she has ever held down a good job, she has two failed marriages and in her own words say "I just suck at relationships" It may all have stemmed back to the words her father use to say to her all the time. We all hope and pray sometimes that we don't turn out like our parents..but the reality of it is we do. Be it good things we get from them or just bad.

well, its not related to crying by my parents did compare with me to students who were always good at their studies, and i was like , whats my fault in it ? I felt really bad when they called me a good for nothing boy. I dont think parents should always compare with other students. All fiver fingers of the same hand are not of equal lenghts are they ?

im sorry about that, my mother is different, she will not say something that will hurt me, she will console me and also investigate in a way the we are still friends and mother and daugther,i remember when i was in my adulthood and i was secretly crying about my little problem with my first boyfriend, she ask me why i was crying and i said nothing, and she keep on asking, and keep on answering nothing, but when she feed up of my answer her tear start to show and she said, she will also cry if didnt say what is wrong with me. and i feel shock and touch that my mother is so kind to share the feelings with me, i always love my mother,

wow. I feel that same way. My parents told this to me as well. I too feel that I shouldn't cry in front of anyone in fear of being taunted by my older sister. They used to call me a baby whenever I cried during a movie or when i hurt myself. So now i just suck it up and don't cry. I do associate myself with people who make me feel alright about crying and letting me know that I am human. There are so many things I wished my mother or older sister never said to me or my younger sisters since they didn't realize the effect it would have on us. Now I think my 17 year old sister is suffering from depression and my other sister is very introverted. let your children express themselves. it is good for their mental health.

My mom always said "Because I said so". Of course me being who I am always said "Why" I am the curious one and always got in troube for questioning authority. I just wanted to know "Why"

I always thought I was overweight as a child because my mother put me on diets when she would diet. I remember her saying to me that if I was fat no man would love me. And I remember the agony and disappointment in her voice the time she realized I had stretch marks. I was a pretty busty girl and we were on vacation... I had just changed into a swimming suit and she saw these little stretch marks on my chest... she said, 'You've got stretch marks ALREADY? Oh, Amanda! You're only 13!' And the way she said this, itwas like she was completely devestated. I found out a few years later that she had suffered from bulimia since she was young. I remember finding her little pink laxatives as a child and eating them because I thought they were candy.. they're sweet on the outside. I gave myself a few horrible stomachaches before she realized she needed to hide them better. I think now she was trying to make me skinny so I wouldn't have to go through the same pain she went through, even though she was never fat she was told she was and weighed on a weekly basis by her mother. Unfortunately, she put me through another kind of pain... I still feel my value is measured in pounds, and I know she approves of me when I am at a lighter weight.. it means more to her than any other achievement.

The worst thing my mother ever told me as a child was that she didn't have to worry about me and that I could take care of myself. I was the oldest of three, and both my younger brother and sister had issues. My sister was severly dyslexic, though no one knew, and had a very hard time in school and my brother had sever behavior problems. My mom made it very clear to me that because she had her hands full with those two that she really didn't have the time or energy to deal with anything that I was going through, because it was all rather trivial compared to the others. It was so wrong of her to treat me like that. I felt belittled and alone. To this day, I still have security issues, and yet, I also have a very hard time allowing others to help me do things. My mom certainly screwed me up good!

When my sister and I were growing up, my mother used to tell us what she would be doing if she didnt have kids. for instance, "oh, if i didn't have children, I'd be living downtown" or "I'd be working in a museum if I didn't have kids to support" etc, etc. and as a child I thought it was really cool -- that I had a mom who had aspirations to live this grand, exciting life. As an adult, looking back on my childhood, I realize how bad it made me feel. To this day i still wonder if i am holding back the people i love most in my life. To counteract this insecurity, I remind myself that if you really have a sense of duty, you don't attempt to express it to others, especially those you love. I got the "reason to cry" thing a lot as well and as a result, recieved plenty of reasons to cry MORE. Hitting a child is just a sign of the parent's exaspiration and cluelessness. It is a cruel, humiliating act that in no way helps a child understand their world or the rules -- it just creates those who fear being victims. Hitting a child only does two things : 1. makes them think they deserve to be hit, which usually shows itself later in life in the form of abusive relationships 2. makes them think it is okay to hit people, which usually shows iteself later in life in the form of excessive aggression or abusive relationships. I doesn't help children understand the rules AT ALL it only makes them understand that they should try not to get caught. Is that what parents want? children who understand how bad it is to get caught, not how bad it is to break the rules and laws of society?

To me that seems like a threat to a child because children has feelings also and parents need to learn a better way of comforting their children rather than discipline them even though they don't understand

The worst thing my mother ever said to me was when I was 12.I was going through puberty and I was at that awkward stage. I was filling out and had gained some weight, but I was not overweight. (5'2" 110lbs) I didn't live with my mom then and I was there for a weeks visit. She screamed in my face that I was fat. It was weird because my granddmother had came over to see me and after I had visited with her I went into my sisters' room to play with them. My mom and grandma stayed in the living room to talk. After she left my mom just came into the bedroom and started screaming that in my face. It was totally uncalled for and I remember just laying on my sister's bed crying. I will never forget that and I have always had a complex about my weight since then.

parents can be very cruel, my mother told me that I was a mistake and she wished I had never been born. I wasn't a planned baby and was a really difficult child. I know, because I have a child who is JUST LIKE me when I was young, I can see it in her face, what she is thinking, when she is lying or scheming. I would NEVER say this to a child, it was truly devistating to me, I still have scars and remember the day, where I was standing, what I was wearing and the ugly sneering look on her face when she said it............

I guess im just lucky i dont remember being told anything that has stayed with me however i have heard other parents and to me the worst thing you can say to a child is you are stupid!

I think among the worst things to tell a child would be threats, comparisons, and insults. I personally do not feel that threatening a child is any way to help them, or "scare" them into behaving. It simply does not work, and only makes them afraid, and not just of the parent, but can lead to many fears while growing up. Personally, I was compared to my sibling while growing up, and it did not make me feel good at all. Even to this day I look at where my sibling is and where I am and wonder if the accomplishments I have made even matter, because I am not where my sibling is. The absolute worst thing you can tell any child, though, is saying "I wish you were never born". Yes, sometimes people can say things in anger, but something like that is extremely devastating to a child. It is not easy to raise a child, but they are human too, and they take more of an impact when they are children, so it is a parent's duty to be very careful, and make sure their child knows they are loved, and always feels that love.

I think it was when my asked my mom why she was making one rule or another and she just said "because I said so". That always convinced me that I was right in suspecting it was an unfair and arbitrary rule. A friend of mine had a mom who always told him he was a bad kid and that he was ugly. Thats far worse.

I am not sure things my mother said to me, but I told my som the other day that if he didnt do his school work he will grown up to be stupid....I homeschool and I fight everyday with him about doing his work, so I got his attention, but I really felt bad about saying that.....I am sure that not a big deal to anyone , but it is to me....he's only 6 ....I cried to my husband about it, but he did better school work today.....