Three and Four Year Olds...Explain Them To Me Please.

Hi lonarari, I feel for you. I had a very strong willed 3 year old as well. My first daughter was like that. Very strong willed. Sometimes she would throw fits that she would make herself throw up. People thought we were abusing her, but that was not the case. She was just like that. My second child was an angel. I kept saying, "If I could have the guarantee that all my kids would turn out like him (second child), I would have 10 of them!" My daughter, the strong-willed, is now 8 and although she is strong willed still, I can reason with her. One of the things that has helped me, and might help you, is to watch that show SuperNanny. That show is so incredible as to the psyche of kids and why they act certain way around certain people and a different way around others. Your daughter seems like she acts a certain way at school than what she does at home. The difference is respect and authority. She knows that at school she can't get away with tantrums, fits or ill-behaviour. The rules have been set for her there from day one and she knows that if she doesn't go by the rules, she is not to benefit from activities, goodies, etc. that other kids who behave well do. Now this is the hard part. At home, although you might say, "I give her time out, I do this, I do that.." I have to ask you, "How many times have you given in?". She knows that if she tries hard enough, cries hard enough or throws a loud enough tantrum at home, you might eventually give in. I personally think that a 9pm bedtime for a 4 year old is very late. 8pm is more like it or 8:30 at the latest. Start looking at your diet and what she eats for dinner. Is she eating dessert to late at night? Is she drinking any sugary juices with dinner? Take her off any red dye products, you wont believe the difference it made with my kids. We do not drink any red juices at home and even hot dogs (which contain red dye) are limited in my house. Red dye in food is a culprit in kids hyper behaviour. As far as authority. It is really hard. We get tired, we compromise because we are just tired of the back and forth pull with our kids. They tug at our heart strings and we just give in. Believe me, they will thank you later, and you will see the benefits later when your kids are well behaved, respectful kids. Please watch SuperNanny. It is such a great tool for parents. I think she has a website too if you can't wait till the next episode. Remember, your kids will behave much worse outside the house with you because they know that most of the time you will give in a public place because of embarrassment. Teach them good behaviour at home so that they dont embarrass you in public. Good luck!

My four year old has tantrums as well. She will actually be 5 in May so it can be frustrating. A tantrum thrower as a child myself, I am able to get inside her little brain and know just how to deal with them. Whenever she has a fit, I put her in her room, shut the door and ignore her until she is finished. Do not try to fuss at her, reason with her or even comfort her. Ignore her! She is simply trying to get what she wants and once she sees that you aren't going to budge, she will stop. You have to be the one in control, not her. When you are in the store and she starts that, don't say a word. Just pick her up and leave. She will get it eventually. I had to do that once at the mall and I had my two other kids with me as well. It was a pain, but I couldn't let her run over me like that. Plus, she saw how mad her older sister got when she "ruined" our shopping trip.

For me every age has been a challenge! My son will be 6 next month and I can honestly say there hasn't been an easy age. My daughter is 4 and is significantly easier to care for... it's a personality thing I suppose. Your daughter is acting normally and at least you know she doesn't act like this at school! That's worth a lot. My son acts out regardless of where he is and it's a problem. He has meltdowns and tantrums in front of other children and isn't listening to us anymore. Sigh. Being a parent is the hardest thing you'll probably ever do. I try and make the most out of the good moments with my kids. When they're in good spirits I try to have fun with them, I want to have as many good memories as I can! Sometimes it's overwelming and we wonder if we're doing something wrong, but kids have to figure out what's expected and what they can get away with... they're trying to find their boundries... and even at this young age they're looking for independence. Good luck!

u should take care of ur child in tsi age only other wise it will make a big prob. my mother had done the same & now i am perfectly alright & she is so happy & i am also......

the attitude of a child is depend on the person who are taking care of the child. The environment has also a big effect on the attitude how you raise the child is how the child become.Teach your child the right attitude and fear in god so the child become a better person.

She's definitely a smart and healthy kid. Thank God that you may watched her grow, and becoming smarter everyday. One day, she'll leave you and need you no more. So, just enjoy the good time. If you think that she's becoming uncontrolled, take a very deep breath and convince yourself that it will go through.

what you are going threw is perfectly normal. I have a four year old son, and I would swear this is about him!! He will jump up and down and cry and scream, and everything in the store on a bad day. At home he is a little boy with horns, while at school he wears a halo. Every kid grows differently and will grow out of it at different times. My son hit the " terrible two's" at a year old, and hasn't grown out of them!! :) hang in there, it won't last forever. Good luck!! :)

Children are children...I guess it is with disciplining the child in the right way to get them to follow your rules..You don't have to spank them real hard but at times I spank my kids..I shout at them but tell them why I am mad and how I want them to follow my rules..Sometimes I give them 3 warnings before I act out...I have 5 kids ages 15, 13, 9, 5 and 3...All of them have different attitudes..but I know they are scared of me and they know when I am mad but still they respect me..My 3 years old when she hears someone cussing in the family she tells them its bad and when she hears it from me or my husband she tells it to us as well that it's bad..Then we say sorry..They know I have rules and that I want them to behave properly although there are times I get really crazy with their acts. but I try to show them I'm a tough mom and they can't do crazy things with me around.

well my little sister who is 17 still throws fits. its pretty sad, but she is a stubborn brat. sorry to say that about my sister but its true. i think that kids are like that not just a s certain age but i think it lasts the whole toddler years 2-5 or sometimes 2-6 for some kids. im not looking forward to those years lol, cause i have a 5 month old. he is already starting to throw what i call baby fits. if i turn his cartoon off he will scream till i put it back on.

children will throw fits as long as you allow them, and the way to cure them is the minute she starts one you take her by the hand and take her home, no matter where you are, I know it is not convenient for you but she has to learn who is the adult and who has the last word, it is you and she has to learn that quick. when she finds out that if she throws a fit it is her that is going to lose she will stop.

Children at this age are wanting to be seen as a big kid not a baby, so what worksed with them at 3 won't work with at 4 and 5.... She may feel that having to sit in the cart is babyish, and so will act out in a babyish way. Let her walk and if she won't stay with you, then let leave or place her in the cart. (my son at this age would walk until his legs got tired and then he would get under the cart, or stand in the front with his feet rest on the bottom bar. Try giving her a new responsibility (like feeding the cat, or helping to set the table), to help her feel like a big kid, start a project with her, like a strapbook . . . Every Sunday night set aside some time for just you and her to work on this project. Emphasize the fact that "now that you are a big a kid you can help me select som pictures, or cut me out some shapes to add to this page..ect"...The project gives her time with mommy, and makes her feel important as a big kid. Hope this helps.

You did the right thing in simply leaving the store with her. She knows now that when mom says no she means no, but sorry to say it won't end. Over the next year she will push and push to test every limit she can, with you and dad and maybe even at school. Its not because she is "bad" but because she is learning what is acceptable behavior. It may become a daily struggle and you may have to recreate ways to encourage good behavior. (Reward Charts with "surprise" rewards thrown in when she is not expecting it) As for the sleeping issue, I have not ever had a real problem in that area. My 4 year old goes to bed between 7 and 8pm and wakes up between 6 and 7. I am fine with her waking up so early, as I too am a morning person. She just plays quietly in her room until I get up. Good Luck

It's completely normal at her age. You did the right thing by just taking her out of the store & not going back. Soon enough she'll understand that she can't get her way by throwing a fit if you just consistantly take her out of the situation when she starts.

We are experiencing the same thing..The good thing about you is that you have a lot of patience..I dont..lol.. I used to tell my 4-year old baby that if she's not gonna stop her tantrums, she'll never have a bday party..well, that was before her bday party..now in thinking about new challenge for her..well, maybe, eventually our kids will mature

Sounds like she is testing your boundaries. At 3-4 they start to see hat you will let them get away with and what you wont let them get away with. I am a mom of 4 and my youngest just turned 3 in Jan 2007. She is doing the testing thing with me and my husband every day. One thing that might make shopping a bit easier on you isto take someone with you. whether it be your partener or a friend, someone who can give you a hand when the child starts to act up.