Surviving The Break-Up Blues

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We all crash and burn. Perhaps you’re kicking yourself for not seeing the signs. Maybe you feel like you’ve been played for the fool. Perhaps you did the dumping and are having second thoughts. Before you go and drop out of society or start buying Mint Chip Ice Cream by the pallet, think about what just happened. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe you just got saved from living for decades with the wrong person. At the very least, you can be thankful that you are not a celebrity, so your angst and embarrassment isn’t plastered all over every grocery checkout stand in the known universe. Small mercies. If you’re lucky, you only go through a painful break-up once or twice a lifetime. Here are a few tried and true ways to weather the emotional storm: Reconnect With Your Support System Nothing beats a long talk with a good friend or close family member. They can be your sounding board, a supportive voice when self-doubt creeps up on you,or just a reassuring hand on your shoulder. It’s nice to have someone to lean on when you feel your life is falling down around you. Maybe put together that Saturday night movie club or a gourmet dinner club. Scream That’s right, vocalize your hurt. Give it a voice - a shrill voice with lots of rage and expletives. Then when you have no voice left, break something. Then stomp on it. Then cry. Repeat as necessary. Make A List What were the good parts of the relationship? The bad parts? Put them into columns and take a good hard look. Learn anything? Does it tell you anything about qualities to look for in a mate next time around? It should. Do Not Call Your Ex Oh look! There’s your cell phone! Their number is on speed dial! You’re two thumb twitches away from (dumb de dumb dumb) telling them exactly how they ruined your life. STOPPP! Do not call your ex! Delete him or her from your contacts list on all your phones. Write off any belongings you still have at his/her pad. Cut the cord and buy a journal…or some shoes…or something. Just, whatever you do, don’t call. It’ll just slow down your recovery. Consider making this pact with yourself. ----------------------------------------------The “No Contact” Contract:---------------------------------------------- I hereby pledge that I will not prolong my anguish by attempting to contacting my ex or to orchestrate any elaborate “accidental” meeting with him or her. My healing has now begun and I will avoid re-opening those wounds like I would avoid a bear trap in the woods. I promise that, by “contacting my ex” I mean every single form of communication from IM, to chat boards, to friends passing messages, to sending smoke signals from yonder mountain. I will not call or write, I will not try to reach him/her through the spirit world, and I will not think about my ex. Okay, I probably will think about my ex… quite a bit in fact. But I promise that this phenomenon will diminish over time. Signed: (Your Name Here) __________________________________ Dated: (Today’s Date Here) _________________________________ ------------------------------------------------------ Avoid The Rebound Trap Take some time to be alone and let your heart recover from the blow. Try to resist the urge to treat the wounds of old love with the anesthetic of new love. What your wounds need is oxygen. Use the time to reflect on what was good and bad with the relationship and what you want out of the next relationship. Shake It Up Try a new thing. Is there something you’ve always want to try but didn’t? Better yet, pick something your ex NEVER wanted to try (or never would try). It’ll take your mind off things, reintroduce fun into your life and help you break unproductive thought patters. Run, Run, Run Away We don’t mean permanently. Maybe just for a few days. Is there someplace you’ve been aching to explore? Sometimes travel helps you gain a distance and perspective from problems that’s otherwise hard to get. A massage couldn’t hurt either. Try Retail Therapy If you’re a guy, perhaps a new video game or gadget will help you fill the void for a week or so. If you’re a woman, well, you know what to do. Adopt a Pet Hey, don’t laugh. Animals are excellent grief counselors. They don’t offer unhelpful advice designed to make themselves more important. They don’t secretly roll their eyes at you when you tell them what went wrong for the billionth time (as far as we know). Plus, they tend to keep their eye on the big picture. You know, food, water, pooping. There’s a lesson there. Work Out Kickboxing anyone? Hgh-impact workouts are a great post-break-up release. Anything that allows you to use your anger in positive ways is good. Heck, tape a picture of your ex on a speed bag and go at it. Working out also helps you avoid other ruts like over-eating, drinking too much, or channel flipping until your thumb gets carpel tunnel. Or try Gabby Reese & Sheryl Crow’s six-week plan to better health and strength. Go Ahead and Read "Those Books" Skim your way to emotional well being. It’s okay, nobody will judge you. Especially if you keep strangely titled books like "Be The Powerful You," or "Good Riddance, I Miss You" safely hidden in the wall safe behind the framed Monet poster. There’s good advice in there. Get Back In the Saddle After some time has passed, take a break from self-pity and grab a cup-a-joe with a stranger. Start by definitely NOT trying to find “the one” again. Not ready? Maybe even you just browse the online dating sites… It couldn’t hurt. I know, I know. What’s the point, right? I myself often wonder that same thing. I mean, what’s the use of going to the trouble of finding someone who’ll probably end up breaking my heart one way or another? Just why do we give everything to someone, when only pain comes in return? Why wait for something that might never come? The answer is “love”. Love truly does conquer all. Imagine this: Somewhere in the world there is this amazing person walking around who is completely unaware that you exist and that you both are destined to be together. That person is attractive, smart, fun loving, and has an exquisite sense of humanity. Once you meet that person, you will feel as if you’ve been waiting all your life to meet them. --Break-Up Survival Kit • A journal, pens, a glue stick, scissors • A stack of really good DVD’s • A gym membership and workout buddy • Aroma therapy (incense, oils, etc.) • Hot new shoes (women) • New video game (men) ** got this article from yahoo but it didn't have the author.