Men- do you EXPECT your SAHM wife/partner to take care of the home?
By sylviekitty
@sylviekitty (2083)
United States
March 9, 2007 7:13am CST
You might think this is a stupid question, but quite seriously.. do you honestly *expect* your wife (or your girlfriend, your significant other) to have your meals cooked, your house cleaned, your kids neat/tidy/quiet, when you come home from work?
Shouldn't your wife/GF/SO do this (at least the cooking and cleaning) because it NEEDS to be done, not because you EXPECT it to be done? She's your partner, after all. Not your slave, waiting at home, doing your bidding. Right?
I know of a woman who is a SAHM like myself, and she keeps a very strict schedule. She goes online for an hour or so, then she signs off to clean the house. She goes back on for another couple of hours, then she has to sign off again to do the grocery shopping. Goes back online, then signs back off to start dinner. After dinner she signs on for a bit, then signs off again, because it's time to please her man. It's ridiculous, IMO. But yet somehow she acts like she's completely ok with her husband controlling her day, even when he's not there.
Why do men expect so much from their PARTNERS and why are women letting this happen?? Why can't we just do what we need to do, simply because it needs to be done, and not because the man in our life wants it done by the time he gets home (or else?!)
3 responses
@Indiffer (287)
• Norway
10 Mar 07
You touched some really difficult things within me with your discussion.
I often find myself doing things because unless i dont he will get frustrated or mad or start yelling at me or asking me "why cant you just... You are at home all day!" And i just cant take it. Now he had very strict cleaning rules in his home. I didnt. There is no way for me to reach his level - i have been trying for 13 years i am never going to get there.I am just too laidback compared to him, and no matter how hard i try he will never be satisfied with me. He says Well done with this undertone of " Yes you did a good job, BUT..."
I happen to tell my kids too and it is so frustrating everytime i do because it is ruining so much but im unable to shut my mouth: Please, clean your room or your daddy will be mad. Or Please take those clothes to wash or you know what daddy will say.
It ends up in us all being frightened of what he might say. And it is so wrong.
To compensate i started to do nothing a day inbetween. To somehow make him understand i do get tired too i do feel overloaded with things that needs to be done. He acts like i have hurt him bad. Also, when i have been at work and he at home, he has this need to tell me everthing he has done today, to really explain why HES tired - still he doesnt get the fact that i do too when im home! When he comes from work i better be awake and alert and care for everything, four kids, dinner, shopping, schoolwork, games, evening meals bathtime and bedtime. When i come from work, god hes so exhausted! Who makes dinner?
Afew weeks ago i started doing something to help me cope. When i have delivered the youngest boy to kindergarten (around 9.30 am) I have ME time until 12.00. I do NOTHING but what i want to. And i do it every day. Monday to friday. It is a blessing. Every SAHM should be able to find this time for themselves. It is pure medicine!
Well i see im rambling on here, but your post really triggered me.
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
11 Mar 07
I'm sorry if my post upset you.. or caused you to think about things that made you angry. First off, HUGS to you. You really sound like you need one! Your husband is not being at all understanding of your needs. He may work hard, but so do you. And there is no reason for him to treat you like a child (with that undertone), if things aren't done exactly to his specifications or wants. Goodness- four kiddos to take care of, plus the house that all of those four kids probably make a mess out of! I only have two making a mess, so I can't even imagine!! It sounds like a wonderful thing for you to have time JUST for yourself every morning. Maybe someday your husband will see that it's really not that important how many dishes got done, etc, in the grand scheme of things.
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Thanks :) Hope you're having a wonderful day.. at least the first few (relaxing) hours of it! ;)
@12051976 (231)
• Ghana
9 Mar 07
well it think the problem is not that men are expecting too much from their wives but i think the women are helping in their own way to keep the house going in peace and love.
If the men also have to do it fine the most important thing is the work done to promote peace and love and like you rightly said things should be done just because it must be done no matter who does it.
@rainbow (6761)
•
9 Mar 07
Well done Sylvie although of course they mostly do.
I do want I want during the day as long as all the chores are done, everything for the kids and pets is done and anything for my partners business is done, lol. Them I can do as I like - for around 5 minutes before I go to sleep. I do mylot in the day when I can.
