Please respond to discussions before requesting friends. Knowing each other....
By brokentia
@brokentia (10389)
United States
March 9, 2007 10:24am CST
I know this may seem odd to some people...but I really must request, please respond to some of my discussions before requesting friends with me.
In the beginning, I had no clue who people were when I was accepting friends. But I have come to know many of them through their writings. I enjoy this! I like knowing about each person and that is what makes a friendship.
However, if you do not respond to my discussions, how would we ever develop that friendship? I have accepted friends from many of people that I did not have a response from...and turns out, they never respond to my discussions. Well, that is not much of a friendship.
I do have many friends and every single person on my friend list has notify turned on. Yes, my email is loaded with hundreds of emails and I may not get to every single one...but I do not delete them and try each day to respond to all of my friends or am many as I can. Even if the discussion was made 4 weeks ago...I still respond to show that person I am interested in their discussions. It is not a one sided friendship.
So, I respectfully request, that if you want to request friends with me, please lets get to know each other through discussions first. You may find that I have a great friendship to offer...but I also do not want to be the only one giving.
And for those that are my friends. Thank you for making myLot a wonderful experience. Do you prefer people to respond to your discussions before accepting their friend request?
11 people like this
29 responses
@crazy1 (479)
• New Zealand
10 Mar 07
A fair request I think. My feeling is that unless you have read a few responses from a person, you can't really judge what they're like when they ask to be added to your friends list. I'm not sure I'd be too keen to add an unknown person to my friends list. However, there are a few people I'd possibly add as I may have read their opening discussions and even though I may not have responded, I might think thr person worth adding.
2 people like this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I am glad you understand about not being sure about adding a person that is unknown.
I have added some people that did not respond to a discussion of mine also...and all that person was interested in doing was private message me. And it was not something I was happy about reading. Just because I pick a picture of me that shows me relaxing in my favorite place...West Palm Beach...and taken by my wonderful sister, it is not an invitation for people to private message me lewd comments.
Personally, I didn't think my picture was my face looks washout from the water and no makeup tends to make me look pale compared to the rest of me. ha ha But that could have been the lighting.
But I don't have very many pictures of me because I am behind the camera all the time. ha ha
The point is...this is also why I can not accept a request unless a person expresses interest in my discussions. :)
Thank you for being a good friend.
@crazy1 (479)
• New Zealand
12 Mar 07
No, I don't blame you, you're an attractive woman, and I can see that there would be quite a few friend requests because of it. I think its a good idea you want to know people through their discussions first, before deciding wether or not to add a person to your friends list. I think if I was you, I'd want it the same way too, just to weed out the people who're after only one thing, as opposed to those of us thatjust want a good friend or two here.
1 person likes this
@manong05 (5027)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
I used to hit the accept button everytime there is a request for friends comes in until I read a posting that shared the posters experience that after he accepted an offer from an unknown fellow with absolutely zero postings, 0 responses, no profile, no friends, his computer started behaving strangely and later he found out that it was infected. I'm not sure how this can happen but just to be sure, it will be better if the one who requested must have at least responded to discussions before requesting for friends.
My computer was down for a day because it got infected when I accepted an unknown email, it took a while before I got it cleaned and it was a terrible experience.
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Wow! I hadn't heard that!
Thank you for sharing that experiences!
Yet another reason to be careful of who we accept.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
9 Mar 07
Yes I am intrigued why people add me as a friend, when they haven't even read a single discussion of mine?! I have all my friends on notify too, but it is not feasibly possible to answer ever single one of their discussions, because some topics I don't know anything about, so there's no point replying just for the sake of it and likewise I wouldn't expect my friends to respond to every single discussion of mine! It's give and take. I have made some great friends on Mylot and like to think that they respect me as I respect my friends. Good to have you as a friend x
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
10 Mar 07
It is good to have you as a friend also. :)
And you are right...it is not possible for one to answer everyone's discussions because not everything pertains to every person. So, yes, there are some I can not answer. :) But I truly try to answer many. I just can't seem to get through everything though. But I sure will keep trying! :)
Thanks for being my friend! I love your discussions!
@MakDomMom (1474)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I do look at if people have responded to my discussions. But I alo look at if they are starting discussions that would interest me. I also look to see that they are responding to discussions and not just requesting friends. I look at their posts to number of friends ratio.
1 person likes this
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
9 Mar 07
I feel like you do dear. I like for them to have atleast made an attempt on one or two of my posts. I do not collect friends just to collect them. Thank you for being my friend.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I have been getting requests for people that have 0-2 responses and no questions in a week or more that have requested to be my friend. I sit on the requests for maybe a week, if they don't answer questions or ask good questions I deny them.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I totally agree it is a two way street. I love to here responses from the people on my friends list. Thank you for being my friend.
@moonflowerpixy (536)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I enjoy your discussions and your responses. I hope that we are friends. I do not reply to all things because some I feel if I have only a 'no' or something short I do not waste your time. I have heard so many people complain about short responses that I try to not respond if I do not have a significant amount of wordage to use. Am I wrong? Also, I do not get much time anymore for talking. If I have to I'll sign off and rejoin when I am able to. Keep close, LOL
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Yes I do feel this way too. I have actually requested only a few people as my friends and I only do after I have read and responded to several of there posts. I think that is a very good system and makes a lot of since.
And thank YOU for the wonderful mylot experience as too. :) Blessed Be!
1 person likes this
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I always respond to at least one discussion of someone before I send a request. If I can't find anything to respond to than I normally wont even request.
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Excellent topic (+) I always check their profile, responses and posting, before accepting. Today for the first time I had a friend request and they had 0 points, no discussion or responses, no gender ( I like to know if they are male or female)unspecified country? They did have 5 or 6 friends. I did not become an addition to the list.
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I feel the same way that you do about this. If I get a friend request and it's a person that hasn't been around any of my discussions or responses it seems odd to me that they want to be friends. I mean, really, what do they know about me at all if they haven't been around. I'm not saying they have to like everything that I say but it's nice to at least have some interests in common or it gives me nothing to really respond to.
@Anniedup (3651)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
17 Mar 07
I am such a bug..r for punishment, maybe it's because I'm new.
Just two days ago I accepted 2 friends I checked their profiles and I thought ok, not too much in common but let me give it a go, it could be interesting, guess what they started discussions like it was going out of fashion.
I battled to get through all my friends. So, today I went back to their discussions, not One reply. I think how it works with them they go through your profile and discussions and see that you are a dedicated friend, responding and replying all the time, so they request to be your friend and you're their next victim
@limalimon (638)
• Mexico
17 Mar 07
I´m new in this website but I think that you are right, because I don´t know you and if you don´t participate in some of my discussions, I will not know you and your way of think.
I prefer have a few friends but know all or almost know of them.
thanks
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I would prefer too that people respond to my discussions before requesting to be added as a friend, though I am sure I have some in my list that probably have never responded to any of my discussions. I try as well to respond to my friends discussions too though I get hundreds of email notifications. I am usually only on here an hour or two most each day so I am not able to get to every topic right away.
@suren2k6cse (2621)
• India
10 Mar 07
ok friend. i will respond based on the discussion on the list not base don the friends
@patootie (3592)
•
10 Mar 07
I did pretty much the same thing when I first joined up .. was glad and 'honoured' when folks who'd already got sky high ratings signed me up as a friend ..
I have ALL my notifications in the ON position .. and because of that I have loads of interesting and intriguing discussions delivered to my inbox daily ..
I have slowly 'weeded out' a few folks who never seem to reply to my discussions or folks I never see replying to others .. but in the main I have a lovely 'bunch' of friends who are diverse and with all kinds of interests ..
I only accept new friends these days when I have checked out some of their discussions and replies to see what kind of things they'll enjoy .. I see no reason to make anyone a friend if I'm not going to be interested in their discussions and vice versa ..
I think most of the folks I have requested to be friends have come about because they made an interesting reply to one of my discussions ..
@sweetlady10 (3611)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Totally agree with you tia. I get friends request daily but the thing is 99% of them don't respond to my discussion. Lots of requests come from people who don't have a credit for even one resonse. This people with 0 posts drives me crazy. Why on earth you want to make friends first even though you don't have a credit for a single post. How people will know you.
I also like when people give response to my discussion before asking friendship, because communication is important.
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
10 Mar 07
This is a place where each one has to discuss or open a new discusion! there is no need to tell for discusions, because to discuss and to understand and to share the life experiences and getting the things to increase our informations and knowledge we are here!
Well friendship is just a different thing: I may like my friends' writing and it is some how natural too! I believe that to develop neutral base for opinion and comment every one has to learn first to comment or to discuss things with genuine concern! This concern leads the person to discuss first and then other thing!
That's all, right?
@omer_ahmed_tabarik (1057)
• Pakistan
10 Mar 07
its really difficult to encourage discussions without being friend as if not replied then wastes your time,energy and creates mental distortions too.as wram response is always handy in bringing people together which lies in being friend first.
