Choosing Sides

It is probably best to stay out of it if they are trying to get you to choose sides. That way you can still be friends with each of them, though the three of you may not hang out together. I do not think it is right for them to try and get you to be on their side. You can still be a good friend to both of them but make sure you tell them you are not taking anyones side in the matter and they need to work things out with each other or find a neutral party to talk to.

Never never choose sides. Tell them both that you are happy to listen to them and that you can empathize with each of them but that you refuse to be put in the middle. They will get over being mad at each other at some point and when they do, you want it to be because they got over whatever it was they were mad about. But if you choose sides, then you lose at least one friend in the process. Better to tell them to talk to each other and leave you out of it, then for them to make you even feel like you need to choose sides. If you do agree with one side over the other, you can let them both know that you agree or disagree, but remind them that they are mad at each other and not you, and for that reason alone you'd like to stay out of their issues. They can be adults and settle their own problems, and all you can offer is an ear and a sympathetic heart. But that you love them both and will not get into the middle of their issues. Good Luck! And welcome to mylot.Happy posting!

Time to invite them separately to be there together and you sit them down and tell them how it is going to be. You like them both and you will remain friends with both if they are big enough to handle that and then you tell them since they cannot get along it is just tough. Just because they cannot work it out does not mean you have to suffer for it. See how that goes. In time they could finally come to terms with the break up and not put you so in the middle. Good luck with this one.

I think you need to tell them both to grow up! People who have to get others on their side are really quite immature. If you cannot decisions based on your personal goals without seeking approval from others then you shouldn't make decisions. I think you telling them to leave you out of it is wise and you are very kind to try to work through these friendships. When people start doing that to me they suddenly find that I am too busy to spend time with them.

I just went through this exact situation. It may be hard for them to hear but it will make it much easier on you in the long run if you just tell them both that you like both people and want to stay friends with everyone so you would appreciate it if they did not talk about it with you. If this doesn't work as it did not the first time for me, when they come to you act like everything is ok but when they start to talk about it politely change the subject. After you do this a few times they will get the picture that you do not want to hear about the other person or the situation. Good luck!!!

If you really feel you can't handle it then tell them to leave you out of it. I've been in your position before and I sympathise. Last time I lost a friend over it because I refused to take her side over the other person's. I'm actually in the same situation now. I've made it clear to both of them that I won't lie for either of them or break confidences and I refuse to take sides and they'll have to deal with that. I have told them that I am there for both of them when they need however. Whatever you decide, make your position clear or you'll end up playing back and forth and have a horrible time of it. Best of luck to you!