Sensative subject. What do you do when someone makes a raceist remark.

Yeah, I probably would have done the same thing. After the first time they said it and you looking over at them, they knew that if wasn't right. I can't stand those that choose to show their ignorance like that. I have had to confront things like that as well. My husband is hispanic and we have a 1 year old daughter, and people can be so rude and judgemental. If just makes me so mad at times. I have asked people to stop using racist words when they did not even pertain to anyone I knew. It's one thing to feel a certain way about a perticular type of person, but when you choose to verbalize those thoughts out loud where you know it can offend someone you have taken that too far.

I'm really glad you did that. Hopefully those ignorant a-holes will think twice before saying something like that again, regardless of whether there are only 'white guys' in the room. I, for one, would like to think that in a similar situation I would have done the same thing. I try to defend anyone who is being predjudiced against, be they black, white, Jewish, woman... who cares? It's just plain rude to make generalizations and racist/sexist/ageist remarks... when will people learn that we are all individuals and deserve to be treated as such??? I'm a white woman, but that doesn't say anything at all about the way I view the world, what I've experienced or who I am as a person. I'm proud of you for defending your wife and kids. Maybe you would have ignored the situation if your life was different, but you married someone you love and you did the right thing. The only person I have had intense encounters with is my grandfather, who uses slang against Asians and blacks... I remember being in the fifth grade... one of my best friends was a black boy named Levi. Every single time I saw my grandfather over the course of the next 7-8 YEARS he would condescendingly ask me how my friend Levi was. " SO, how's... LEVI". Such a jerk. I actually told him once that I hope his racist attitudes die off with his generation... unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case.

I think you did the right thing to confront the racism, but maybe you over reacted and could've "educated" them in a calmer way. I am also white. I live in Texas and they have a state holiday on Jan 19th called "Conferderate Hero's Day." The year I'm talking about, Jan 19th also happened to be MLK's birthday holiday. I was in a small store (it happened to be a store that sold needlepoint stuff.) I was looking at their stuff and over heard 3 ladies talking in the back. They were talking about the "Grand High Wizard" of the KKK, and about how "their" holiday landed on that - not repeating the word here - 's birthday and all kinds of other garbage. I'll tell you, IF I had been tempted to buy anything at that store before, I lost total interest! In fact, over the years since, I have told people not to shop there & why & most people I have spoken to have agreed & say they'd never go. I have, infact, almost never been back to the whole shopping center! if that tells you how offended I was by the conversation. I wish I had the ... balls... to have confronted these "ladies" and told them what I thought of them! I'm sure if I had been of another race, they'd've been out there making sure I didn't steal anything!

My background....I am white and my husband is of a different race. I get tired of this stuff. I support what you did. I would go the people in charge of the corporation you work for and report this. The worker at the gym thought it was OK for those men to make racist comments, but it was not OK for you to respond to them. They all need to be reported.

u brought up a gr8 topic man!!!!ofcoz wat u did was correct!!!!u handled the situation well...although m not a white......n have never encountered ne comment of that kind till now...but i have read bout such incidents on net n seen on tv.....n i think ne1 wud n shud react in the same way....ppl need to stop this n this is the best way to chek this......coz every one is equal!!!!

What an incredibly challenging, but not all that uncommon, situation. I continue to be amazed at the prevalence of racism and simple, haphazard racist comments. I am white, however, I was raised in a black neighborhood, graduated from a black college and currently live in a largely black neighborhood. I'm very comfortable with diversity and, yes, offended by racist comments. I would have, however, handled it somewhat differently (keep in mind I also work in mental health so I'm geared towards conflict resolution). In your situation, you were clearly offended by the remarks. What was your goal? To merely "speak your mind" or to get a positive resolution. I think sometimes our impulses get the best of us and we "speak out" without examining what we really want out of the situation. Approaching individuals with hostility, in my experience, only leads to more hostility. The cycle continues and, ultimately, their negative views are likely to stay the same. In this situation, you were outnumbered and in a public setting...so creating a potentially hostile/aggressive situation isn't a good thing. Ultimately, you will be blamed for it (and sounds like you were). So, it's either a case of a calmer "questioning" approach or removing yourself from the situation. I find I can often disarm people with questions rather than accusations. Is there a chance these men were truly racist? Sure, from their comments it sounds like that's part of the root issue...but, you can often disarm people with questions like "Hmmmm. I keep hearing you say you had less fun because blacks (it's important to correct their language and make it respectful) were here and "took over the town." I was here with my black wife and our children and we had a marvelous time." I suppose opening up dialogue rather than creating hostility might've given you a more satisfying resolution. I have to do this sometimes with disability (I'm a paraplegic in a wheelchair), and I inevitably find those times I get offended and "go off" the situation either gets worse or is unresolved. If I can have a peaceful dialogue with people, then the door is opened for conversation, education and a change of heart.

I did not know the term "shines" and that is was derogatory. If it is, these guys were very ignorant, but I think you should have walked away. You cannot convert racists. Racism is mostly learned in the home. Also I would be scared since there were three of them. Maybe they will wait for you one day with the intention of doing harm to you. If your wife was there and they insulted her or your kids it would be a different story.

For background, I am white, my husband is white, there isno one in our family's that is black. I honestly don't know that term, so in that exact situation I wouldn't have done anything, but I am not one to sit idly by. I for one applaud you and I would have said my peace too! Bravo to you for standing up for what you believe in!

wow you are right it is sensative. My wife is of Jewish extraction and we have faced this kind of thing all over the place. Particularly i remember being in Germany when a man pointed to my wife and said to his friend that he thought all those kind of people had gone away. We simply left the bar, but i must admit i felt dirty from being there in the first place. Maybe i should not have walked away but i would have caused much more of a problem if i had challenged them blessed be

OUCH that certainly is a tough situation to have to be in. i have been in a similar spot a couple of times, but usually don't say anything, unless the person talking sh!t is someone i know. then i would have the guts to tell him or her to shut their filthy trap. i am not familiar with the term 'shine', but certainly your courage is commendable. when i hear stuff like this, even if i don't know anybody from the race group being discussed, i feel kind of sick to my stomach and like i just need to get out of the room real fast before i explode. my ex used to say very nasty things about my asian friends (yet he wanted to bone them all, go figure!) and it was one of the straws that broke the camel's back. the irony is that he dumped me because i caught him cheating with my ASIAN neighbor ;) and then he has cheated on every new girlfriend with another asian girl. so as for if your wife wasn't black, would you have reacted differently? well, that's personal. depends on you. for me, i tend to get a bit more worked up if i'm close to someone of the race being mentioned, but i will still be angry either way.

I would have loved to have seen their faces after you did that. I don't blame you a bit. I am married to an Asian man. I am caucasian. I'm a bit on the quiet and shy side so I don't know if I would have the guts to do what you did but I sure enjoyed hearing about it. lol

Do you mean that your son never inherited anything from you, that when your wife conceived your son, all the genes from you disappeared? Your son is half-black or quarter or third black depending on whether your grandparents were completely black or one was white or part white. Those men were reacting to how the blacks in the States sound like to many of us and the reason is that many African- Americans feel they have to make a big noise and show to compensate for their ancestors being enslaved. Also they have been told never to forget what they went through. While whatever slavery our ancestors endured is far back in the past -like in ancient Roman times - and we have thought of ourselves rising from that condition. Now that you know the reason for this racism, you could have answered those men in a better manner rather than ranting. Perhaps asking them to just call them African-Americans rather than those disparaging words and what they said is making you uncomfortable and then try to change the subject.

i think you have the answer as you are a white guy and ur wife is black then i think u already know how it feels when anybody make some remarks to the person to whom u love,i think it depends upon ur liking and ur behaviour also some guys make these type of comments just for a fight as they acquire some good physique and don't know where they waste their energy?? and some guys make those comments because they themselves feels unsuccessful and have jealousy from those black guys who are more successful then them,i think we have to show our kindness to these type of guys becoz i think they are mentally sick and need some type of consultancy

First of all, I've never heard the word "shines" in reference to people of different color. So if I heard it, I'd be clueless anyone was being insulted. So, if I was aware of the term, there's a chance I'd say something, if I thought I could make a difference...those kinds of remarks make me very angry..if only people could hear themselves, if only they realized how idiotic they sounded talking like that, how ignorant and foolish they sounded. I guess they assumed you were just another white guy at the gym there, and wouldn't say anything. There's a good chance you'd say something, as obviously that kind of talk would bother you just as much whether you were married to a black lady or not. Anyway, I'd probably say something if they didn't let up and kept going at it with loud voices. That kind of talk is just intolerable to me.

Just ignore it. There are many bad people just like there are many good people. we can not control other people but ourself. I usually stay focus on my goals and keep a right attitude forward life.

I am white, my husband is white. I manage a bar. If someone is having a conversation and repeatly says the N word where I notice it, I do say something. I do not allowed that word or any derogatory word to be allowed to be repeatedly said. Personally I have never heard the word shine, is it new? Or a regional thing? I understand your anger, but I bet a few of those guys there were also uncomfortable with the conversation, just didn't have the guts to comment.

I have been in somewhat similar but different setting. In India the caste u are born is important. Since I am from the highest caste with my spouse also being the same, we have seen a lot of similar casteist feelings being expressed. We just avoid having further connections with those type of persons. To say the truth, we do not stand up and ask they to drop it. But we do comfort the person against whom they act like this. I personally feel that the victim not being affected by such comments is more important than trying to stop the persons making the remark.

I'm Asian and my husband is Black Hispanic. We have been in similar situations. We just ignore these ignorant people. We don't want to stoop to their level. We don't feel they are worth our time or energy. I know my husband can beat the crap out of them too cos' he's a Marine (LOL!!) but he doesn't. Unfortunately, there are still MANY such ignorant people in the world who continue to make stupid and careless racist remarks.

I have experienced that sort of thing for being Bipolar and once in awhile for having German heritage. Its prejudice. Just ignore it if you can. If you can stomach it, a polite response to teach a little might me in order but only if you feel up for it. Usually its best to just get away from them. Maybe think to yourself, you can get away from hateful jerks, they can't.

if people giv me a racist comment i also try to embarras them because i am a short tempered guy so i believe in kicking their buts in giving my answers so that they'll never do so