Why do I feel this way?

Wow, that was down to earth and honest and I know all the truth, Shrek doesn't want a third child for all these sensible reasons and although I know he'll win and he's right I really struggle with this, I tend to avoid pregnant friends and new babies becaue I feel I'm missing out. Thank-you for your honesty, I know you are right but I can't get my heart to listen to my head about this.

Maybe you will have a granddaughter.. or maybe even two! It seems like a long time from now, but it isn't! And our kids always need lots of help taking care of their little ones.. it's such a busy world. My two kids still live at home (at 26 and 24, can you believe it? It's just so expensive out there) and my daughter's daughter is eight, and has always lived here. Don't give up hope! I think you will have granddaughters.. or maybe even step grand daughters..

Wow Flowerchilde, I hadn't thought of that, if Bong can find a nice girl I could be a granny in only about 10 years time, my boys are 7 and 3, lol. What a shame your kids cannot afford to leave home but what a fantastic bonus for you still seeing them and your grandaughter everyday!

Thanks moby, I think maybe later but I know it's not sensible with the life we have right now, the boys can be difficult some days and yes I know I still have time but I'm impatient, lol. That clock is ticking loudly and has for a long time, maybe in a couple of years when my implanon wears out Shrek will feel differently, who knows.

thank-you so much for those lovely words, I'm sure it will work out in the end - either way.

I'm sure at some point you will make the right decision (it could be you decide to go for it) for you and your family. And just think what is more important: quality or quantity. I think you are doing a great job now with the boys. That is your quality right now.

Thanks honey, I know all the sensible reasons and that I wouldn't cope. I had thought about fostering babies when Roo gets into full time school. It's getting worse every year, this time last year I thought I was even and I shouldn't have been and I wasn't. This month I'm going to be 35 and maybe it's to do with getting older, every spring I want a baby, and most of this last year too if I'm honest. I doubt very much that I will do this because of all my great big long list of reasons not too but I still want to, must be some crazy horomones kicking somewhere and I need to shut them up, lol. Thanks for talking sense at me, I need it at the moment!

claire you are very clever, what a shame you didn't post this as your own reply. You have plenty of time to have a baby yet and I really hope it fills the hole you feel it would! I know exeactly what you mean, yes I should spend more time with my friends litte lones but it isn't the same. I am not going to have another baby as my partner doesn't want one, and I know I'm thinking of all the common sense reasons for this but the feeling just doesn't go away, maybe over time it will dwindle.

I have a lot of sympathy for you because I know how you are feeling and I do think hormones has a lot to do with it. I'm only 23 but for the last ten years I've had serious feelings about wanting a baby. It's like an emptiness that can't be filled except with a baby. I can't even describe how bad it feels. Obviously, I knew at 13 that there was no chance of that happening but every time I saw a baby I would get a pain inside, as if my body was punishing me for not being pregnant or having a baby. Luckily, when I was 14, my brother was born and I practically took him on as my own child, to this day, a lot of people think he is mine. Having him around kinda took the edge of the feelings but it caused problems with my mother and myself because she was jealous of the bond I had with him. Anyway I moved out with my partner and the feelings of desperately wanting a baby just came back with a bang, they never really went away but they eased off for a while. When I was 21 I had a baby boy and I thought that would be it but even then I still had the same feelings. I had a baby girl a few weeks ago and I'm still having the same feelings, I had bad pregnancies and I don't think my body will be able for another and that makes me feel even worse. I definitely think I must have some sort of hormone imbalance or something because that can't be normal. I have a baby that is less than 3weeks old and yet I was jealous last week when I heard that someone I know is pregnant! Anyways, my point is that I understand how you feel and how hard it is but I don't think that anyone can say anything to take those feelings away. Maybe if you distract yourself with other people's babies, it will help a bit. Instead of being jealous of your friends with babies, you could maybe offer to babysit for them and you will probably be surprised by how glad you are to return them afterwards! If you can't have a baby yourself then make do with the people around you. The feeling of being in pain if you can't have a baby will disappear eventually and in the meantime you can take the edge of it. Part of it is probably because you know your partner doesn't want to have another one, you don't want the book to be closed on the issue yet and it is nice to feel like you have an option. Maybe get him to agree to think about it again in a year or so. It's not easy at all to just forget or get over things like this so I really hope you find a way to help you. Best of luck.

Thats a really good idea, I've thought about brownies and rainbows etc but Iknow most of the little ones and their mums which is nice but not really what I would like. I've thought about fostering too but this is a good idea as you have a set time to ehlp them and spend with them on a regular basis, I may look into this when things are a bit more settled with my boy, tahnk you!

Hi sweetie, you sound exactly like me, I'm so sorry you son has problems my oldest does and can be such hard work and as my youngest and I had such a hard time getting him here Shrek said no more. I have a thing in my arm so I cannot remove that or Shrek would know if I decieved him and be hurt so of course I could never do that. Sometimes I know its a silly idea but other times it seems like the most important thing in the world. I'm hoping that things will change and maybe he will eventually decide he wants another, maybe if I can convince myself I'm too old...

OH you have Norplant? I thoght that came off the market. I don't think any of us can convince ourselves that we are too old. That biological clock ticks very loudly for some of us. Even when our batteries are running low. My hubby would let me have another baby if I wanted. But as much as I want I know we just can't so I am doing my best not to. Take care.

Mines Implanon, I had friends with norplant years go who had lots of problems, this one has really low hormone amounts and only lasts for 3 years. It's so hard isn't it when you listen to common sense but your body says lets go for it, lol. I hope you make the decision that is right for you, I don't think I'll be having another baby at least for a couple more years until this implant wears out, things may have changed by then. I'm so sorry to hear that your son has problems too, I hope he'll be ok! Hugs to you all.

Oh goodness, you don't want one yet surely? Find yourself a nice millionaire first lol.

Hi Sweetie, Shrek will not be moved unless we win the lottery or something, I know it is not sensible or practical but I never ask for much really and another baby would be super. I just have to find a way to get this out of my head, lol.

i sort of know how you feel cos i cant wait to have a baby and when you cant have one you want one more

You've really had a tough time getting you little ones here! I' m so glad you got your little girl! I had carpal tunnel, permanent sickness, pre-eclampsia with Bong and severe postnatel and reactive depression. Not to mention gaining over 4 stone in weight that stayed forever, lol. Roo was a brilliant pregnancy apart from my carpel tunnel coming back until my waters broke early, I kept going into labour and stopping for a week and finally bot hof our hearts playing up until I had to have an emergency section as I kept passing out, but we were both ok in the end. I do love my boys dearly and wouldn't mind if I had another but I never wanted little boys, just little girls. I just have to try and get the feelings worked through and left behind as I know all the reasons for not doing it and they still don't seem to be enough.

Hi Sylvie, that's so sensible! Thank-you for your support. I love being pregnant, I just feel so alive when I am, more than any other time really I suppose it's what we feel we are here for in a way, lol. You are lucky in that you are honest enough with yourselves to know when you have your hands full and some days mine definately are too, but other days when things are going well I feel I do not have so much to cope with really and could cope, although I probably couldn't. Time will tell, maybe Shrek will eventually decide e would like another too and a little grl would be really special.

Thank-you hopefull, your sweet comments and support always make me smile, maybe once Roo gets to school Shrek will feel differently about having a baby in the home as both boys will be so much older in a couple of years. I'm not worried about finances so much as bedrooms, we could always convert the attic if we were really pushed and he is a builder after all, but moving to a bigger home and a huge mortage would be silly if we can avoid it. I suppose time will tell, maybe he will decide for himself.

I know, and I am trying honestly, it's just that inside it's not nice, I'm sure none of them really notice a difference in me. I know all the reasons not too but I have felt like this for a long time and it seems to get harder. I very much doubt I could even have another baby if I did get Shrek to agree, I just need to get the feelings worked out in my head so I can get over them. Thank-you so much for your kind words and support!

Hi sweetie, yes we have talked before, you are right my cousins wife wanted a girl after 2 boys and had twins, one of each - it ruined their marriage really, she now has another little girl with someone else. As twins run in the family it's a bit of a risk especailly with a special child too look after too. Who knows maybe in a couple of years Shrek will feel differently and I will get my wish, at the moment he's avoiding talking about it bless him, lol. It's very hard to know what to do for best and I ope taht is you do decide to try again you get your little girl and she is all you dreamed of.

oh stacy, I know just how you feel it's so hard and worse as it is self inflicted, I just keep hoping Shrek will change his mind, bless you I hope your boyfriend changes his mind one day too.

hank-you so muchfor your support, I know I need to deal with this but I really think I'll never be allowed to try for her, who knows in a couple of years things may be diferent and Shrek may change his mind, if I kep the hopein my heart maybe my dream of a little girl will come true.

It is difficult to wait when you are in love, even when you know the practical considerations isn't it? I think it is wonderful that you are so sensible about waiting! I hope you are right and I'm a good mum, I'm sure you will be one day too!

Yep, my dog is getting old and she's always been my baby even more than my cat, maybe a new puppy to play with would get me over this.

I know it's greedy of me to want more and not at all sensible becaue of our circumstances, it must be harder for people without children, this will eventually pass but it seems to have hung around for so long already.

Thank you honey, Bong (7) has autism and adhd and they are sending him to the physiotherapist soon to see how dyspraxic he is, but he's ok really. Shrek and I are not on the same level on this or we would be trying, if we were suddenly rich and had a big home and no financial worries then he would if we could afford some help but at the moment won't. I know he's being sensible but I've felt like this for so long I though if I got it out in the open it might go away, lol.

Blees you, it must be even harder for you than it is for me, I'm so sorry

I am seriously thinking of fostering babies, maybe then I'd feel complete.

Hi, thanks for sharing your story, maybe if I can deal with Roo starting school in a couple of years by the time I'm 40 this will have passed. I'm 35 in a couple of weeks, I had my boys at 27 and 31 so I'm sort of thinking when Roo goes to school how lost I'm going to be and as I always wanted a big family and little girls it is hard, to give up on the idea before I'm too old, lol.