Please don't talk to me that way...especially not in front of my son!
By babykay
@babykay (2131)
Ireland
March 12, 2007 1:52pm CST
I had a huge row with my mother the other day. It started off through my fault but to my mind the way she behaved subsequently was terrible. My 2 sisters old rooms are still habitable even though they have moved out, my old room is COVERED in junk, it is difficult to even open the door due to the amount of old clothes etc. I am having renovations done on my house so me and my 9 month old are staying with her. My mother has a habit of not being able to throw anything away, even taking items from other people that are junk and storing them to collect dust in various parts of her house....anyway, I got frustrated because of the junk literally up to the ceiling in my old room and complained - my fault I know, its her house and she can do what she likes. Anyway, she screamed at me to shut the f**k up - in front of my son, granted I had annoyed her. I said please don't speak to me like that in front of my son and she said I expose my son to worse things than bad language. I am not too perturbed about this comment as I know she has a tendency to make wild allegations with little or no foundation. But I was upset that she screamed this way in front of my baby. At the time the whole family were on the way to a social occasion to do with my Dad's family and she told me to get away from her, go with my Dad as she couldn't bear to be near me, then she refused to go at all, it was just me and my Dad, my brother stayed with his Mommy...I ended up ringing her and apologizing. I don't regret it as I don't want to be fighting. But now she is carrying on as normal,, which I suppose I can't blame her for. It is yet another nail in the coffin of our relationship to my mind.
2 people like this
7 responses
@stailgate (2363)
• United States
12 Mar 07
This is too bad. My mother has done this to me before, and has annoyed me something horrible. But she later appologized, and we would sit down and talk and agree that we both got out of hand with our attitude. I would say I was sorry to my kids for argueing with grandma, as I have always told them to respect their elders, and here I was doing this. you did the right thing, let bigons be bigons, and let it go. Having a good relationship with your mother is better then who is right or wrong on something. She should realize these points too though. You are a adult and a mother yourself and deserve respect.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
12 Mar 07
It almost sounds as though your mom has a bit of mental illness.. I say it because she reminds me of my mom! Who, no has never been diagnosed as such, but we children all know how dysfunctional our childhood was, and every so often there's a big (temper and yelling) crises which is pretty much manufactured by her.. and we all just get through it the best we can.. Confronting her is something we siblings ruled out long ago.. It does seem a shame you have to live with all her junk when there's other rooms in more normal condition..
:))
@Clairec23 (136)
• Ireland
13 Mar 07
I was thinking the same thing...also because of my own mother. Although she has mellowed out a bit now, you never knew when she was going to just blow up and have a go. Or just ignore us for days without us having a clue why. She'd laugh at something one day, go off on one about it the next. If I said a baby was cute, she'd say all babies are cute, if she said a baby was cute and I said all babies are cute, she'd slap my face lol Totally erratic.
I know you are staying in her house but that's no reason for her to walk all over you which I think she did. There is never a reason to humiliate you in front of your own child and when your child is older, your mother's insinuations are going to hurt him. I think that she is the one that needs to apologise to you not the other way around. She should have more concern for her own child and grandchild than her roomful of junk and crap. And how she acted towards you was childish and selfish and aimed to hurt you. I know it because I've been there and I think it's better to stand up for yourself than have to put up with that kind of treatment. Just because she is your mother doesn't give her the right to treat you that way. Her acting like that in front of your son bugs me the most about it.
2 people like this
@nilzerous1 (2434)
• India
13 Mar 07
I find every reason for you to be frustrated after such an unwanted episode. At the same time I find that it is better to stay away from such a person who can utter garbage even at some trivial issue like this one.
I have seen the same problem with my Grand Mother who used to accumulate garbages from every corner and would preserve them like precious gems. Still we could share accomodation because she would not react so strongly when some of us would point out to her this very odd habit. She would keep quiet.
Anyway, the policy you have adopted seems to be the best one, nothing better than staying mumb and ignore everything around you so far and so long you are there.
Better spend some more time monitoring your ongoing renovation work so as to come out of this place as early as possible.
@urbandekay (18278)
•
12 Mar 07
Well, certainly she has not set a good example but then we all make mistakes and over react sometimes. Of course I know nothing about the situation but my intuition is that she is just reacting pridefully cause she's knows she was in the wrong and was caught out, so to speak.
Only trouble is apologising to her will prevent her from being forced back into self-examination. Shame we cannot choose our parents but just have to make the best of it
All the best urban
@beaniegdi (1964)
•
13 Mar 07
It sounds as though your mother suffers badly from stress and surrounding herself with objects is a way of comforting herself, it is like feeling safe because of all the possesions. I think she was probably feeling extra stressed that day as you have said you were all going out and I would imagine she finds social occasions difficult because of her stress. So when you were critical of her she would have felt threatened and unable to control her temper, again a sympton on stress.
I don't know if your mother has ever sought medical help but I think she would benefit from some help as she is obviously ill.
I know it is hard to understand when someone has mental health problems, we blame the person and not the condition but I think you should try to be kinder to your mother as I do believe she is ill.
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
13 Mar 07
It sounds very much like your mother may be suffering from some kind of mental illness. Excuse me if I am speaking out of turn... But the collecting of junk, being unable to throw anything away.... unreasonable outbursts.... Has she seen a doctor or anything? Perhaps a quiet word to your father. It sounds like it has almost become normality to you. But you sound very mature and capable of dealing with her outbursts, but it may be worth considering that it might not be her fault. Again my apologies if I have spoken out of place.
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
13 Mar 07
well according to her she is not mentally ill, but she does suffer from a bit of depression, no you have not spoken out of turn, I asked for opinions and I can see that this is a reasonable one! I think that she is frustrated with her life more than anything else.
@emarie (5442)
• United States
12 Mar 07
i've dealt with people like that. my mother is a little like that, but this seems more like my aunt who openly decided to disown most of her family. although, staying with my mother sometimes makes me want to bang my head in since she's not too fond of my husband. but anyway....these people tend to want things their way and most of the time, they don't care how they get it. i personally would have apologized for the comment about her stuff, but i would also ask for an apology about the comment about exposing your children to worse then the F word and also saying the F word in front of her grandchild. aparently she's using your child as 'emotinoal amo' since she's willing to bring parenting into the picture while she's you parent. odd isn't it. but she is the one who is doing it to herself. she may be your mother, but sometimes you just have to leave her alone and only concern yourself with you and your family. if she wants to act childish let her. but she'll regret it in the end. don't trouble yourself too much over the matter. only just understand and just deal with they way she is. hopfully she'll realize that over time its her that needs to change, not the world.
