adoption....
By babygirl6946
@babygirl6946 (97)
United States
March 12, 2007 2:04pm CST
My son Andrew used to be known as the biggest mistake of my life. It was not a planned pregnancy by any means. I also had it planned out that I was going to put him up for adoption. I had a cesarean (C-Section) with my son. They pushed me into the room for recovery and the "parents that were planning on adopting Andrew" were holding him when I got in there. That moment I thought I was going to die...it hurt so bad. I couldn't do it....I could not let someone else raise my son. The adopting parents were so perfect. They had money, jobs, and a house of their own. But, I could not do it. I was selfish, I know but, I couldn't not let another family raise him because I wanted him to be in my family and know his grandparents and great grandparents. It was a selfish thing to do but, I'm glad I did it! I love my son so much and so does everyone in my family. It has been hard but, I'm making it work. If this was you...could you do it? Or have you done it?
5 people like this
8 responses
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
12 Mar 07
To be honest I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I've never been so I can't say for sure but I think I'd have a hard time giving up my child. I know it might be selfish on my part but I'd want my child with me. Yes I might make mistakes or screw things up royally but atleast I'd know what I did unlike if I gave the child up. I'd always wonder if I did the right thing, if the child was happy and safe. Every time I'd hear something on the news about a child the same age and gender I'd wonder could that have been mine. I know that it's selfish but I'd want my child with me and try to do the best I could for them.
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Thank you for posting your response. I feel the same way but, I was doing alot of bad things before I got pregnant and after I had my son I wasn't doing anything bad anymore so, I'm really glad I had my son when I did because it helped me straighten up my life.
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Good for you. I know that must of been a very hard decision for you to make at the time. I am not sure if I could give up my child for adoption - I would think it would all depend on the situation I was in at the time. I have a 4 year old son and when he first came into this world, my heart just melted and from that day on, all the pain that I went through was forgotten. Having my son was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Thanks for sharing your story.
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Yeah it was very hard for me but, I love my son more than anything ever so, I am glad that I mad that decision to keep him in my life.
3 people like this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I am so proud of you for keeping your son. You did not make a mistake at all. God wanted YOU to be that little boy's mother; He has a reason for everything that happens to us in our lives. We may not ever know what those reasons are but as we get older, sometimes we can see. He's very lucky you have such a loving mother and family. God Bless you both.
2 people like this
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Thank you so much! Yeah I don't know how I could go on knowing that my son was out there with some other family so, I'm very happy I decided to keep him!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
15 Mar 07
I was 16, thrown out on the street by my loving, christian father, ended up in a home for unwed mothers.
My baby was born and up for adoption but my father and baby's paternal grandmother had other ideas. My dearest dad forced me to marry the father of my child. We did not know he was brutal and violent. My mil just wanted a grandchild.
My darling husband beat me savagely and often.
My daughter was a mistake, marrying was a mistake, keeping her was a mistake.
And brother...did my daughter and I pay!
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Wow, that is so sad! I'm sorry something like that had happened to you! I'm glad my parents didn't want me to do something like that because I DO NOT get along with my sons biological father! My fiance is my sons fatehr in our eyes! My fiance has been there since my son was only 1 so, he calls him daddy. Now we have a daughter together also. How's your daughter and you doing now? Are you okay?
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Mar 07
We are not close and she has a very busy lifestyle. Her children are having music lessons and being coached to swim and I don't know what else because my daughter doesn't want me having a relationship with her children.
I don't know how I'm supposed to overcome the problems from my teen years. I think my daughters have survived better than I did but none of us seems to have any real love in our lives.
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
16 Mar 07
I am so sorry that you don't really have a relationship with her, that must be really hard! I can't keep my children away from my parents my kids would drive me crazy wanting papa or grandma. That is so sad! Keep your head up maybe one day she'll come around!
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Sweetie you were just a little confused thats all..I had my first baby at 16,and i was so young i knew nothing...Mine was not planned either,we really wasn't old enough to know what a plan was...Your baby was never a mistake, you just thought that at the time..When those adoptive parents was waiting for your baby,your mother instint kicked in...I do not think you were selfish at all, i just think you fell in love with your baby...I am so glad that you kelp your baby,you seem to be a wonderful mother...no i could not let anyone have my baby, i would have done the same thing you did.....You were just a true mother...
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
15 Mar 07
I understand how that is having a baby at 16 not really being aware of everything that could happen and stuff. It was hard at first but, it's getting better now!
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
14 Mar 07
That was not selfish of you. As your pregnancy progresses and you feel that precious child start to move you form a bond whether you try to or not makes not difference. It would hurt to give up a child that you had grown inside of you loving it as it developed. Only a unfeeling person would not have been affected by seeing other to be parents holding your child. You made the right choice. The child will make your life very happy and you will always be happy that you decided to keep him. God is always in control and he pulled on your heart strings and you answered. Always remember you are a special child of God and He loves you.
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Yeah I am very happy that I did keep him! He's my baby! I also have a daughter now. So, my life is all about my kids! I love them and without them, I'm not sure where I would be!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
Back in my day you didn;t have a choice. You had to give your baby up for adoption, even those women and girls who were going to marry the father of their baby were forced to relinquish their infant. None had any member of their family to help them, there was no social services in place to help the girls. It was either that or be ostrasized by society. Good for you!!
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Yeah, I know my fatehr told me about that! I'm so glad times have changed because I don't know what I'd do if someone tried taking my child away from me.
@prestocaro (1251)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Ive never really understood how women can have a baby and put it up for adoption. Im not judging, Ive never been in the situation, and even if I was it doesnt mean I can understand someone elses any better, but it must be the most heartbreaking thing in the world. My heart goes out to any woman who had to make this difficult choice. Im glad you chose to keep your baby! Im sure he is a great force in your life and a person that you cherish.
I dont think Id be able to do it. I would probably do what you did, because I cannot imagine actually seeing my baby and then leaving him with another family to raise.
@prestocaro (1251)
• United States
16 Mar 07
I think that that is just a risk with that type of adoption. I'm sure if they were serious about the process and their desire to adopt, they began the process again, or tried to foster or something.
A friend of mine who has two little ones told me she thought very similar thoughts after her first was born, and she knew she was going to keep him! I guess that's natural. I can't imagine what an exciting and yet scary time that is.
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
16 Mar 07
If you look at everything these days though it's almost natural to have children really young. Okay I guess it's not natural but, it's very very common these days. There are 13 and 14 year old kids having children. I thought it was bad when I had a child a month before I turned 17. But it's so common these days and I know how hard it is to be a young single mother and it's not a walk in the park at all! It is hard! I dropped out of school because I was missing school when my son was sick and everything and the school was paying for day care so, I had to pay the school when I missed school! Does that make sense?
@babygirl6946 (97)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Yeah it was a very hard decision to make! I had questions running through my head....will I love him enough? would he be better with a wealthy family? what if I can't support him? what if I do something wrong? Then after all that going into that recovery room...there was no possible way I could have let those two take my baby boy home with them. Then I didn't have enough nerves to let the planned adopting parents know that I didn't want them leaving with my baby. I still feel bad about that because I hurt that couple so bad.
1 person likes this
