I have a friend that just found out that she has herpies
By bicklelady
@bicklelady (1404)
United States
March 12, 2007 8:34pm CST
I have a friend that has been my friend since we was 14. Well she has been around the block quite a few times if you know what I mean. I am not trashing her because it was her life and she had to live it the way she felt like she had to live. Well she has been married 3 times. Her second husband run around her with anything and everything. She divorced him. She met another man and got pregnant. They got married. Well she finally settled down and now has two beautiful children. They have been married for 17 years. Well she started breaking out on the back of her leg like a rash. It would go away and about two weeks later it would come back. So she went to the doctor and the doctor said she had herpies 2. She confrount her husband and he said he did not give it to her. He said that he had been faithful. He said he went to the doctor and the doctor said he did not have herpies. She did not go with him. She said the doctor told her that she could have had herpies for years. What She and I dont understand is, if she has had it for years, why did it take her so long to get a break out? Then all of a sudden after she had been married for 17 years and she says she has been faithful. She would tell me Im sure if she was not. We tell each other everything. Why all of a sudden she has this breakout. She thinks her husband give it to her but she cant prove it. What do you think?
5 people like this
16 responses
@monica1981 (466)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Men can have what is known as nonactive herpes. I know someone who got herpes from her husband, she'd never been with anyone else, and he never cheated on her. They went to the doctor about it, and that's what the doctor said, man can have herpes for years and never have breakout, but for some reason women who contract it from them will.
2 people like this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
So if she just started having a breakout, she just got the herpes?
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Her hubby was tested. Or he said he was. He would not let her go with him. He said the doc said he tested neg. But she was not with him. I told her, if she loved him and wanted to stay with him, she needed to believe him.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
14 Mar 07
your friend could have gotten the virus years ago people who have herpes dont always have a breakout right away.she could of slept with someone who had herpes and even if they did not have a breakout she could of still got it.she could of got the virus from anyone she slept with.
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
13 Mar 07
Oh wow I have never heard of anybody getting herpies on the back before, Oh I do not think it would take years for herpies to break out. I think that her husband must of given it to her seeing that you trust her and she would definately of told you otherwise if she had of been playing up.
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
The break out was on her butt near the top of her leg. I thought the same thing. I just dont know. I really hope not. She really loves her husband. I think he really loves her also. They are a wonderful couple and something like this would distroy two lives plus the kids.
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I really do think you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience with me.
@callarse1 (4783)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Herpes is just like chicken pox or tuberculosis. Once you get chicken pox, the virus goes into its inactive form (controlled by the immunine system). That is how shingles develop later in life. As with tuberculosis, someone breathes in the air infected by someone with active tuberculosis disease and if the person that just breathed the air in has a good immunine system the tuberculosis will go into inactive form. It can, just like chicken pox, develop into the tuberculosis disease (with coughing up blood, weight loss, and tiredness).
If she has cold sores (herpes one) should could have touched the cold sores and not washed her hands and then touched her legs. She could have used a personal hygene item from someone who has herpes (such as a towel) and used it on her body. Therefore I think she could have infected herself or she got infected bys someone else. If both parties have been faithful she probably infected herself by toching a cold sore (herpes one) OR using a personal hygene item on her body from someone that had herpes. Cheers! Have a nice day.
Pablo
1 person likes this
@jess1982 (13)
• United States
14 Mar 07
This is a tough situation because the doctor is right. She could of had the virus for a really long time and not known, especially since she's been sexually active with quite a few men!!! Herpes shows itself during times of stress and low immunity. If she is suspicious that her husband gave it to her, I tend to believe that it's a great possibility. No spouse would accuse their husbands/wives of cheating if they were in a trusting relationship. In my experience, the gut is always right. Unless she is a really insecure person.
1 person likes this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Well after she has done alot of research and I have told her alot of what people have commented. She did not know the thing could be dorment for so long and just show up.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Well I think she contracted herpies when she was married to one who was sleeping around. You can have it for a really long time and not even know you have it like the doctor said. And there is no cure for it she can take something to controll the breaking out. And its to late she already gave it to her husband by now.
1 person likes this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Well the thing is, Her hubby said he went to the doctor and was tested and the doctor said he did not have it.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
13 Mar 07
All types of herpies live in the nervous system and wait for the opportunity to break out. She could very well have had it for years and never had a problem, but a change in her body's chemistry would allow it to finally show itself. Since it is relatively harmless she really should stop trying to find someone to blame. It's a waste of energy.
Even if he HAD given it to her, what then? If she finds someone to blame, how would that benefit anyone?
1 person likes this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I agree. She was just in shock, then ashamed, then she got mad. She is accepting it better now. At first when she found out, That is all she talked about. She would cry all the time.
@winky73 (1404)
• United States
13 Mar 07
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend....that is not a fun thing to have.The doctor is right....she could have had it for years without even knowing.I have herpes simplex type 1....what most people refer to as cold sores and I've had to deal with that since I was little.The longest I have ever gone without a breakout was nearly 5 years....lucky me.There are some very good treatments for herpes type 2 now that help with the frequency of breakouts.Since her husband tested negative.....it's not very likely she got it from him.She should on the other hand make sure she doesn't pass it on to him.
1 person likes this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Well she is worried that he is just telling her this. He would not let her go to the doctor with him. Which this is something he has always done. He hates for anyone to ever go to the doctor. So right now she is just so confused and like I said before, she is wanting someone to blame and he is the closest one near her right now.
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
It´s true that herpes can be dormant for a very long time, but it is also true that it doesn´t always show up in a test. This happened to a friend of mine as well. She and her boyfriend were tested before sleeping together and she ended up with herpes after just one night together. It had to have been him, but it turned out he was only a carrier and it didn´t actually affect him or show up on a regular test. So, it is still possible that her husband infected her.
1 person likes this
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
I dont know. All I can say is I have been married for 15 years and I have never even thought of cheating. My friend has always told me things that she would not tell anybody. I have done the same thing. We confide in each other about anything. If she had cheated. I would have known about it before she went through with it. I know alot of people that believe in there vows and have never cheated.
@melgashop (35)
• Portugal
13 Mar 07
Actually he can have herpes, but the herpes' virus usually remains silent and it comes up when some specific conditions show up, like cold weather. So, she could have had herpes since a long time ago without suffering from its presence www.uphs.upenn.edu/news/News_Releases/jun06/HSV-1.htm
there you can find some information that may be interesting for you.
@missyroz (11)
• Philippines
14 Mar 07
hi bicklelady, oh my gosh! im sad for your friend.its so unfair to anyone of them; if no one of them didn't accept this thing. if somebody being faithful for how many yrs. then why your friend got this herpies. anyway, at this time she/he need to accept everything. she should have under madication so that it's will be ganna okey and pray to God always...
@pandeypriya2003 (3)
• India
13 Mar 07
I think she must be brave enough to discuss her husband about this and it is better if they both visit doctor and discuss with him about this.Doctor can better tell them what could be causes but it is better to clarify this confusion othervise it could be disastourous totheir married life.
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
That is what I keep telling her. She said he will not go to the doctor with her.
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Well she really has not "accused him" She just thought it was really strange that all of a sudden she got this break out. I think she vents to me about it more then she does her hubby.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
13 Mar 07
What the doctor said is true, some forms of herbies can lay dormant for years and years. Some things that can cause them to erupt are stress and diet from what I understand. She very well could have had them when she got married, there is no way of knowing.
@bicklelady (1404)
• United States
14 Mar 07
yea I think that is what is hurting her the most. She just wishes she knew where she got them. Then she worries about who she might have give it to.
