Nature vs Nuture???
By mummymo
@mummymo (23706)
March 14, 2007 7:05pm CST
Right this one is hard for me cos I've always believed that the way someone is loved and brought up helps to define the adults they grow into but recently I have seen this is not always the case! I can't go into specifics but basically I know a family, there are 3 natural children, foster children on a mid term basis and 2 long term foster daughters (who are biological sisters) who are eventually adopted. All are given the same love, discipline and advice, all love and respect their family and are doing well in their lives as adults - apart from the two daughters who were adopted! They are turning into duplicates of their biological parents (who they totally resent) despite every encouragement and advantage offered to them! They have hurt their adoptive family time and again and are quick to blame others for their problems - I do not think they know what the words personal responsibility mean! I was adopted myself and was close to these sisters but as they continue along the path of self destruction it hurts that they have turned their back on me too! I do not wish to hurt or offend anyone with this discussion but I just wondered what you thought Nature vs nurture?
4 people like this
8 responses
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Sometimes when kids are older when they finally get into a good home still have trouble dealing with their past. A court system only gives foster parents so much info about what has happened in the past. Which leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Many times this leads to the poor me syndrome. It just all depends on a persons past.
2 people like this
@raydene (9871)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Hi Mummymo,
I think it is a balence of both.
As a mom I would like to think that it's my great LOL mothering that makes my kids good and of course when they are bad ...that you da's genes baby.I tend to not totally agree or disagree.I try to keep an open mind.
R
@weemam (13372)
•
15 Mar 07
on this one pal I can't really judge because I haven't had experience of something like this really , I don't think though that everything is learned through teaching , I think everyone has a little bit of their parents in them , we hope they will learn by example but maybe some of the bad jeans are still too strong , I hope not and they learn good is much better in the end xx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
15 Mar 07
Mo yes the upbringing has got a lot to do with it but no matter how much loved they are, how well brought up they are, if it is in the Jeans then it will be inherited. Also if they have seen what the real Parents are like it is to them Natural. Sometimes it does not affect the Kids but I think most of the time it does. I am so sorry they have turned out like this but if they won't listen to anyone then there is nothing more you can do, love.
Hugs to you
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Mar 07
I know it just upsets me to see them throw their own lifes away and the pain in their adoptive mums eyes as they throw her love back in her face! She is such a good person and has a one year old grandchild by one of the girls - she has only seen her 3 times!!!
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
15 Mar 07
Yes we I believe this as well, but does not always have this affect on them. I was adopted myself and did a few things wrong like running away from home as I was looking for someone to really love me, as I was told very hurtful things by both of them that affected me. But this was due to they were scared that they would lose me as their daughter and which case they never did. But I wonder why some adopted parents and relatives do not love us and nurture us in the right way as it is different with you as you were still with your own family.
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Mar 07
I was that is true and I know some people have awful adoptive parents and that saddens me! These girls though were nurtured and covered in love by the adoptive family! I'm so sorry that you suffered - but you must be strong to be the wonderful woman you are!
1 person likes this
@mayharaya (31)
• Philippines
16 Mar 07
Earlier I responded to a thread about existentialism and I said that man is primarily a social being. Still, we cannot disregard biological facts. My medical student friend told me that some genes are really responsible for a person's attitude. This is actually the reason why genes of famous people, athletes for example, are "sold" in more scientifically advanced countries. So while we recognize both aspects, I suppose you should not loose hope that they still might change for the better.
2 people like this
@catcai (1056)
• Philippines
16 Mar 07
For me personally i think both has an effect to the development of a person. And moreso, i think this is also a matter of personal choice. These people eventually become who they are because they chose to become who they will be- despite of the conditions that they are in. I have some experiences with people like these too- that no matter how nice i am to them, no matter how much i help them out, give them chances to improve themselves better- nothing happens, and what's worse is they even tend to hurt me, like im just no one or im just something they used...
