I served my daughters...
By jchampany
@jchampany (1130)
United States
March 15, 2007 6:12pm CST
father with papers for sole custody the other day. He actually wouldn't even take them from the person serving him. Since then I haven't heard from him until today. I expected alot of yelling and mean things being said and such but nothing. So I talked to him today and asked him why he didn't take the papers (just because he didn't actually take them out of her hands, she presented him with them and told him what they were about so the court still considers that as being served). Because he didn't take them or even look at them, he doesn't know when the court date is, what I am asking for or anything. I wanted to know why he didn't want to know. Before this he was asking to see her. He lives in a different state and I felt that if he took her I wouldn't eer see her again. He's vindictive like that. He said why should he do anything, and that he didn't care.
Now, that makes it way easier on me if he just doesn't show up or get a lawyer or anything, but I felt really bad for my daughter. One day she will know that her father didn't even care enought to fight for her. I just don't understand.
Can someone explain to me how you can just not care anymore?
3 people like this
10 responses
@racheld (840)
• United States
16 Mar 07
In my opinion he is putting up a front. He's hurting inside but he doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of seeing him like that. So instead of saying how much this hurts and fighting with you, he's just going to say he doesn't care. I think he cares more than you'll ever know.
1 person likes this
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
29 Mar 07
You know, sometimes I do feel that way and then other times I feel that he really doesn't care. You would really have to know him to get the idea that he doesn't care I guess.
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Thanks, I am being careful. In fact I had to move half way across the country to escape. He knows what state and city I live in but that is it. He doesn't know where exactly.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
16 Mar 07
That is really sad, I know I am going to have to do the same thing with my daughter. Her biological dad hasn't seen her in over a year, and he lives in the same town!! But I am re-married to a great guy and he is her daddy! We have been together since she was 2 and he takes care of her just like she is his, but I know it will hurt when she gets older and wonders why HE didn't want to take the time to come and see her when it would take him less than 5 minutes to drive over here. I don't know how people can just like "forget" about their kids!
1 person likes this
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
16 Mar 07
That is what hurt me the most. Thinking of my daughter and her feelings about being "forgotten". I hope things go well for you and YEAH for your husband. It's not easy to take on someone elses children and treat them like your own. I think there are very few out there that handle it very well.
@mummymo (23706)
•
16 Mar 07
You can't suddenly stop caring! It sounds like your husband is either very scared and a bit bitter or that he is trying to take revenge on you by hurting you and your daughter by saying thing like this! You cannot force your husband to see your daughter but for her sake I would let him know that that option would always be open to him (with certain conditions like supervised access if you are worried) and that you would not stand in his way! I know the decision is yours but you sound like a sensible mum! Make sure that your daughter knows that no matter what you will be there for her and will love her!
1 person likes this
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Thanks, I try to be the best mom that I can and then some. I think most of us with scruples do. We will see if he changes his tune in a few days. I did add in the papers that he would have to have supervised visitation with her and cannot take her out of the state for a certain amount of time before he gets regular visits.
@crazylady (470)
• United States
16 Mar 07
My ex told the mediator (who the courts try to use to avoid wasting the courts time in a long drawn out divorce) that he either wanted full custody or nothing to do with the kids. Real gem. He rarely picked up the kids when he was supposed to and two times refused to give them back. Even tho courts, DFS, kids lawyer all told him he had to- he waited till we went to court to be reprimanded by the judge. Course nothing was done to him, just drew out the divorce another 6 months while they investigated me for his allegations of abuse cause my daughter had a bruise on her thigh. What fun. Hope yours is easier.
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Wow, sounds like yours and mine should get together. How did it turn out? Do the kids see him at all. Mine has said he isn't even going to try so mediation is in 3 weeks and we will see. He doesn't even know that though. He didn't take the papers.
@arsalan111 (20)
• Pakistan
16 Mar 07
i think ur right but time to understand the condition of that situation
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
16 Mar 07
My daughter's biological father walked out when I was pregnant and then he came to see her when she was born and then just vanished, then he would pop up on and off.
I also had him served, but he refused to take the papers and the court here didn't consider it as being served, so I had to keep trying. So I would make sure about that one because I heard different, but I guess states are different from one another?
But anyway, when my daughter was 5 months old, I met someone and he is now my husband and he adopted my daughter when she was a baby. She is now 4 years old and she doesn't even know her biological father. She knows my husband as her only father. He has been in her life since 5 months old.
I don't know why mothers/fathers walk out and just can't show any kind of feelings over it.
Good luck though!
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
Honestly, I've seen this happen time and again with friends and family and it's not nice.
I don't think it's that they stop caring. I think they just try to bury their feelings and thought so they don't have to worry about it, and when they say they don't care, they say it so nobody sees what they're really feeling or thinking.
Maybe when your daughter is a little older he may change his ways and want to see her, and if you allowed that, it would be a lot easier on your daughter.
Of course, there's no point in looking too far into the future when you have to get through the present first.
I wish you and your daughter all the very best of luck.
1 person likes this
@mikesgal4ever1999 (732)
• United States
16 Mar 07
I wish I could offer you some kind of answer, but I cannot. My oldest child's father (I call him a sperm donor)didn't take too well to me filing for sole custody back in 1993 but he did have something to do with our son until 2004. My son last spent the weekend with his father in August 2003 and he saw him for the last time in March 2004. He still pays support and provides insurance, however, he doesn't have any contact whatsoever with our son. Its harder on the child to have see how their other parent acts towards them and unfortunately there is nothign I can say nor do to make my son's pain lessen. Wish I had some words of wisdom to offer you. I just saw this post and had to reply and let you know that you are not alone.
1 person likes this
