The biggest fight in months
By soccermom
@soccermom (3198)
United States
March 16, 2007 8:38pm CST
Well, I should've known the calm wouldn't last. My hubby and I rarely fight but when we do it's a doozy. We've both had a long week and are tired. My 11 year olds best friend called wanting to know if she could come over and stay the night. This girls mom always leaves her home alone while she bar hops, and I love this girl like she is my own. She's like part of our family. My hubby was in the shower and I thought about it, figured he had to go to bed early to be at work by 5am, we already had ordered pizza, what was one more kid. He got so ticked I said yes! It was.."why couldn't they have planned this earlier in the week instead of springing this on us now? It's not our problem her mother is like that. Why didn't you check with me first?" And that's what started it. Why didn't I check with him?! Because I'm grown and can make easy decisions about our kids. I didn't know he was "King of the Castle" and I had to ask permission first. And the argument grew into how he's mad at my sister and he's not going to her birthday party tomorrow because she didn't bother to come to our surprise annivaersary party( which she really had no excuse for). And then he totally belittled me about something, I don't even remember what, I busted out with a "then why did you bother to marry me?" and he said "I could go right now". I asked if that was some sort of threat, that he knew where the door was, and then we both kinda stepped back and know it went too far, and there was just this cloud over our heads all night. He went to bed and everything seems to be okay, but it's still there, you know what I'm saying. And I know it sounds stubborn but I am not going to apologize. Maybe it wouldn't have seemed like abig deal if we fought more, but we rarely do , and now it's just awkward. Do you fight with your significant other alot? If not does it always seem worse when you do fight? Would you apologize to save face even if you didn't think you should?
4 people like this
23 responses
@mrsbrian (1949)
• United States
17 Mar 07
ouch, ya just about the time you think they would not mind they do lol i guess i dont like things springed on me either so i think i would have poked my head in and said ok for so and so to spend the night? sometimes its just maby he wanted a quiet evening alone with his family after a long week, my hubby and i hardley ever fight about anything, and no i would not apologize if i thought i was right.
2 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
17 Mar 07
No joke! LOL There's no such thing as a quiet eveneing in our house, we have 3 kids. I thought he'd be grateful that she was out of our hair for the night and bus yin her room with her friend. I haven't even heard them in over an hour! LOL
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Wow that was a doosy. My hubby and I have those every now and then and the only time I apologize is if my mouth worked faster than my brain did. I don't see what the big deal is about your daughter's friend spending the night, as long as the girls realise they have to be quiet so he can sleep. My kids and their friends do that stuff to me all the time. Just let him know if everything in life is planned he is going to miss something that could be important or meaningful in his life. Besides if this friend is home alone all the time wouldn't he feel awful if something happened to her because it didn't fit in his schedule for her to spend the night. And what's the difference if they asked in the middle of the week or tonight would the answer still have been yes?
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
17 Mar 07
My point exactly! Sometimes he can be so anal! Oh well, he'll get over it. I think sometimes he doesn't remember what it was like to be a kid.
1 person likes this
@Naomi17 (624)
•
17 Mar 07
I can remember our last argument it errupted very quickly hubby had to much to drink and was annoying me . I can still remember throwing his drink up a tree it landed in a good position like sitting on a table lol, he was annoyed because another man had made a pass at me anyway, i stomped of and he followed at a distance, i got to the hotel the manager said you are always the last guest back. Hubby arrived and thought i was chatting him up then so he sulked in a man huff i just went to sleep and the next morning he said i can't believe you threw my drink up a tree i just collapsed with laughter.
2 people like this
@spider2007 (250)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Hi, first of all I like your name I am also I soccer mom to my 7 year old son bu anyways on to the topic I know exactly what you mean me and my husband do not fight very often but when we do you better get out of the way it's like I say one wrong thing to him or he says one wrong word to me and then its off and then it gets so heated we are fighting about stuff that we both could care less about or just stuff out of left field but don't worry everyone will sleep on it and it will probably back to normal in the morning
2 people like this
@mskrstin316 (43)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
im not a married woman yet, im 26 and am committed with a man i really love for 6 years now. we often do fight a lot, mostly about my being manipulative, controlling and selfish. i think that i am lucky to have him. with all my negative qualities, he still sticks up with me and assures me that he'd stay forever. that's why in my quiet moments alone i think and plan to change my ways for him but you know it's really hard and sometimes stories or problems like yours brings to me a wake up call to somehow start changing because when i marry him which i know will happen one day, we could live with each other knowing that i would be able to adjust myself for him, for the marriage and our future kids. goodluck to us!
@nikisazombie (22)
• United States
17 Mar 07
My husband and I fight often... not really big things, but one of us will have hurt feelings and we don't deal with them. We're trying to get better at this, though. Things often get better after we fight, because it's out in the open. Our fights are always short, and when they're over, they're over. Honestly, it would depend on what it is. I do not like to apologize just to save face, but I do know when to step down, ya know?
2 people like this
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
I can really relate to this. My boyfriend and I have had our share of fights too. Some were really big ones too. It seems like he is always saying something or doing something that makes me mad. I think that he acts like a child at times. He pouts and gets mad when he doesn't get his own way..it is ridiculous. I am like you and I refuse to apologize. He does sometimes...but not very often. I usually just retreat to the bedroom and stay there for the rest of the day..night etc...
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Mar 07
Soccermom I never argued until the last couple of years before my Divorce when I picked up the Courage to start standing up for myself and not be a Doormat anymore.
I am now divorced after 21 years Marriage and I have been divorced 3 years now and I do not regret it as I got my Life back
But you and your Husband need to talk about this as you need to get back on the right track there or it could ruin you both
So please sit and talk about what was said
@koikoikoi (1246)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Well I have never fought with anyone like that. Maybe he was just blowing off some steam and he didn't know it was going to turn out like that. Well at least now you know that you have to check with him first.
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Men are something else. They want to be included so they don't feel left out. What really get's me is when they know they are in the wrong, they will throw cheap shots.
When me and my husbad fight which isnt all the time. It's like watching a kid, they will do everything to turn the fight over so it looks like they are winning. Mine will bring up things that happened 5 years ago, or things I had no control over. I won't apologize if I didn't start the fight. I agree it is very awkward after a fight more for me than with my husband. He seems to act like the fight didn't take place or it never happened.
Now I do tell my husband about a friend wanting to spend the night with my kids, or vice versa. I call it keeping him in the loop of what's going on in the household.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, before i say anything.
First, what i was going to say is that from everything you've told us about your hubby he seems like the kind of layed back person that would be fine with it, if he didn't already have something planned or a lot of stress under his belt.
But then again, he also seems like an organized man, unique in the fact that it's only certain times.
I think maybe this fight had to do with that girl specifically, maybe she did something that he didn't like on a previous sleepover and he doesn't want to say anything... men are insane like that you know :P
In any event, i know that this isn't my place to say, but i'm going somewhere.
If you feel that your right, maybe it's best that you tell him that until he can give you specific reasons why he doesn't have a problem at times, and does at others, you will do what you want, because this is your family just as much his, Your your own person. YOU make decisions for Yourself.
He'll understand soon enough that you don't play racketball, and that your totally serrious, and intend on doing what you wish.
It might slow the doozy fights down a bit.
But try and talk things out before they get to that point, my husband and i talk everything out, and we've never had a real fight.
Hope things go well for you hunni
Ash
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
17 Mar 07
We both cooled off, he was just tired. He's been working almost 72 hours a week evey week for the last year and I think having a weekend to chill ast week through him off kilter! I value your opinions SPitfire, and it would take alot before I'd take anything you said the wrong way!! LOL All sorts of stuff happened over the last 24 hours and next thing I know he wants this girl to live with us. Men, go figure...
@APMorison (424)
• United States
17 Mar 07
my hubby and I are like that too - nothing for a long time then the Break Out Throw Down shouting match erupts. Its very spectacular, hard but spectacular.
One of us eventually apologizes for letting it Escalate to the point it did before trying to calm down -
it comes down to would you rather be right or speaking? Will it matter in 200 years which of you was right or wrong in this argument? Is the tension worth the stubborn holdout to see who 'wins' and if you apologize Second, what did you really win?
this is a marriage not a tennis match - if you loose, you both loose, if just one of you wins - you both still loose.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
17 Mar 07
We don't fight too often anymore. But my husband probably would have gotten mad in that situation too...I don't know why, I guess the men need to feel included and like the rule the house, so I have learned to ask him about most things. I will apologize just to get over things, my husband is more sensitive then I am with most things so I jusy say sorry and get over it...and it makes him feel better =)
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I usually say I'm sorry too just toget him to shut up, but I just can't do that tonite. This marriage was a partnership and I'll be danged if I'm gonna ask him permission for something so silly. I've been a little touchy lately anyway, but I don't want to give my daughter the impression she has to answer to any man for something so small.
@kunzite (16)
•
17 Mar 07
I used to fight with my partner a lot. One time we fought over chicken. Just because he doesn't want to pick up that chicken at the store for me. Believe it or not it almost got to a point that i would leave him and he said over that freakin' chicken? Hmm. After years and years of being together, i realized that if i don't like the way he view things and refuse to go with the flow, it is too stressful for me. But i have to give you credits on being motherly to the 11 year old. Although your husband had a point that her mother should be taking care of her. I have to say the "fight" with you and your husband had gotten too far though by mentioning things aside. There must be a repressed situations that's been bottled up. Maybe your due for a long talk with him. By the way, don't go to bed angry it won't help.
2 people like this
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
17 Mar 07
Well, I'm stubborn and won't apologize unless the arguemnt was my fault. In your case it sounds like your hubby started it. So no, I woudln't have apologized either. On the other hand, I don't like to go to bed mad. It's not healthy. So I will usually prod my hubby to apologize (if it was his fault). He's not good at apologizing and of course I'd rather he do it on his own, but if he's being silent I'll say "You really owe me an apology". He usually will if he knwos he's in the wrong. If I'm being b*tchy and started the fight, I will say I'm sorry.
1 person likes this
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
17 Mar 07
Oooh wow, it sounds like myself and my partner.
We rarely fight but when we do it's always a huge thing that happens over nothing.
I don't and never will apologize just to save face, especially when I think I shouldn't. I refuse to go crawling back to my partner and he knows this.
We'll usually sit in silence for a while and then he'll come and ask if I'm ready to talk lol. Thats how we usually solve our problems.
@Cougarlover152 (108)
• United States
17 Mar 07
My fiance and I don't fight too often. We agree on so many things, it's hard to find and argument! HAHA! When we do fight, I apologize because I don't like hurting him. He apologizes, too.
Don't blow me off because I'm not married to him yet. We're getting married next Wednesday. This will be the second marriage for both of us, so it's not like I don't have any experience.
If I may offer a suggestion: It's OK to set boundaries when it comes to fighting. Some time when you're both calm, you may want to discuss how you fight. Perhaps you can agree that the fight remain about the topic and it's not fair to bring in irrelevant things. Also, discuss what really pushes your buttons and agree to respect each other, even though you disagree. Sometimes in the heat of battle, button-pushing gets started for one-upmanship. Know what I mean?
I don't think there's anything wrong with fighting, as long as it's fair. It helps clear the air and gives you a chance to vent, as well as giving you an opportunity to grow. Make sense?
1 person likes this
@aissha (2036)
• India
17 Mar 07
fights can be often or rare but first of all it should not happen if so, sensible partner is who bows out and say sorry,even he/she was not wrong,this is because after sometime when everything will be alright u may regret what happened and if u say sorry its a positive repair mechanism for ur relationship.
this what i feel ,and every relationship in this world has their ups and down and one has always to deal with it ,best of luck.
1 person likes this
@proudmammabear (556)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
Yes that is how it is at my house, rarely a fight, then once every 6 months or so, something little and bang it is like world war three, but I just keep going at him and talking and talking because we have a rule in our home that no one goes to bed or leaves the house angry with one another, because life is short and you never know if that is going to be the last conversation with that person.
I am sure it will be good again really soon, as it is likely just a bump in the road of life. I do agree that the awkwardness is mindnumbing though, especially because it isn't an everyday thing.
God Bless!
