she did it to me again

forgot to mention that i really feel for you about your mother telling lies to your brother about you. my mother did the same thing. i moved out when i was 13 and my mother turned my brother against me with her lies. he hasn't talked to me since. it's been 11 years since my brother has talked to me. i thought once we grew up he'd be an adult and we would start getting along. i'm still waiting. i try to talk to him but he ignores me, or looks at me and laughs in my face and walks away.

that's an auful situation. i know what you mean about how to dry the line with out us looking like that bad guy. when i didn't let her see my mother for 3 months, my mother called and threatened to take me to court for grandparents rights. i coulnd't beleive it. she never wanted me but now wanted to fight to have my daughter. i don't need all that stress of going through court all though i know i have a good case since i moved out at 13 and lived in a foster home. how can they say they are good people to take care of her. anyway who knows what is best to do in this situation. i guess let them see them but limited time.

Wow! Are any of your mothers named Emily Gilmore? My own mother was a saint to me, but other family members are jerks from time to time, some more than others. I feel for you.

i used to feel like that but now i feel there is something wrong with my mother. she's always the one who plans these things and that's when i don't get invited. i know there is nothing wrong with me. i have lots of friends who think i'm a sweet person and generous and loyal. so i know i'm not a bad person to be around. my mother told me once when i was little she hated me cause i was just like my dad who she divorced so i think that's why we don't get along. and she is big on appearences and i don't fit her mold of perfectness. she also doens't want people to know the truth about how our relationship is and wants to hide the fact that we are not a perfect family and i think she's afraid that i'll say something to make her look bad.

that's so sad. it really does hurt. it's hard but i've found myself some really good friends who consider me family and they are always there for me. i hope you have this as well with some friends.

Sounds like you are in a better place. I still feel like there must be something horrible about me. Maybe I am too fat and ugly to be in photos. I have 3 older sisers and one brother. I know I don't fit into their world. I don't drive a fancy car or own a house.

yes i've tried talking to her many times. she has all kinds of excuses. she either makes up stories so she doens't look in the wrong or she says that never happened. we didn't talk for 3 months due to so many of these problems. i confronted her with everything one time and we got into the conversation of when i was a child and all the times i was living at my grandmother's house and i was suposed to come home every weekend and she'd call my grandma and then when she got off the phone my grandmother would say oh i'd like you to stay here with me this weekend, but i knew she was covering for my mom cause she was calling to say she didn't want me home, we also got into the fact why i didn't live at home and what her husband did to me and she stood in the other room while i screamed for help and she refused to come. then i had to go to a foster home. she kept saying i was making it all up, nothing happened. she said i chose to live in a foster home. i was so upset, i'm like ok let's go get the police records. she just refuses to listen. she tries to pretend she's perfect and she does nothing wrong. i don't know how she can do this.

I have a mom who is 84 and I've been going through similar situations but not because of her taking my children and inviting them to things. My children are rejected also. But I've confronted my moms about many of those things that she did but she'd never admit to them. Once the Lord told me to talk to her about something that she'd promised to do for me but didn't and instead did it for a sister. But when I told her what the Lord told me to say to her it was like water running off the ducks' backs. So like I told a neice of mine,"Your mom will probably never change and be the mom that you want her to be. So just love her and respect her and live your own life." And that's just what I do. Also many of my relatives hate me because I face my mom with the truth respectfully but it angers her and she tells the relatives what she wants them to know and leaves out the truth. So she's the one who's missing out on a beatiful relationship with me. You know I've been looking for some people like you who would tell the truth about what was going on with their moms and when I'd mention it on my earlier discussions I was totally ignored. But God knows the right time to bring people into your lives. I'm not advocating hatred and unforgiveness towards moms but I am advocating standing up and being strong and not being afraid to face your mom with the truth no matter what you relatives think about it. I also had to once tell my eithty something year old aunt to shut up because she was dogging my hair style. Okay Coolcatzz, I hope that your life continues to be new every morning.

i did cut all visitation off from my mother for 3 months once, because of her talking bad about me to her and for not including me in the family. it got a little better after that but didn't last long. might be time to do something about it again.

Well, hon, I think you answered your own question. Your mom is very big on appearances and that's why she does these things. I think it's not so much you being an embarassment or something, as it is her being ashamed of having an unplanned child (you) and then basically failing at motherhood since you moved out at the age of 13. Seems like she's trying to make up for her short comings by trying to show people how good she is with her grandchild. Make any sense? At any rate, you probably will need to confront your mom and put your foot down where your daughter is concerned. Keep your chin up!

thanks for the advice. i'm in good contact with one of my cousins and she knows what is going on. she now calls me to tell me when everything is and she tells me that everone in the family knows exactly what my mother is like. at first i kept wondering if people beleived her lies about me but my cousin reashured me they all know it's her doing this. i'm not exactly sure why she does this. it's always been this way since i was little and moved out when i was 13. she'd rather cut me out than have people know we are not a perfect family and we don't get along. my mother is very big on appearences and she wants to look perfect.

Yvonne, good suggestion! I hadn't thought of spending the day with her daughter at her mom's! That definitely is a good way to get the sneakiness stopped. Also, I don't think it's mean, it seems to be a necessary step.