How do I help my son?

I feel for you. I know how hard this is for you and I can only imagine how hard it is for your children. I think you are doing the right thing. Just being there for them is the best thing you can do to help. Try maybe between talks with their father to help them to understand that he won't change, not for for anyone. Encourage them to accept him as he is, even if he is a jerk and doesn't deserve wonderful kids who want him in their lives. The sooner they can learn to accept the fact that he will not be there, won't take responsiblity for them and will continue to think of himself first the better off they will be. That way they might be disappointed but they might not be as hurt. It's just a shame he has to treat his children in such a fashion.

You said yourself that you can't keep them from seeing or talking to their father. It is their choice and they are old enough to make it. i don't know what your ex is waiting for. i think he just knos there is no excuse and he's making something up to get his children to back off and leave him alone. All you can do is be there for your children and let them know you love them and understand. They need that more than anything else from you right now.

i think the best thing u can do for them is just be there for them. i understand that u dont want to see your children go through this heart breaking pain, but i dont really think there is anything u can do to prevent that since their father obviously isnt making an effort to step up to the plate and be a REAL father to them! you may want to try positive affirmations with them, letting them know that they do not deserve to be treated in such a way (but without 'attacking' their father in the process). and like said just be there for them to wipe the tears. if it gets really bad and your kids are open to this you could also take them to a therapist to help them work through this situation without the emotional scaring ect ect. either way i wish you and your children the best of luck in this situation i know its really hard but just hang in there best as you can! HUGS

i find it very sad that you and your kids have to go throuhg this bull$hit because your ex husband can not look after and his own kids and keep his promises, (what an A$$HOLE!) if your willing to have kids you should be willing to pay for them, support them and be there for them in every way you possibly can, it must be hard but stopping the kids from seeing there father i dont think would be a wise idea because they will probably turn around and blame you, however when your kids grow up and become young adults they will probably make there own decison not too see there dad, its best to leave it up to them, maybe get on the phone give him WHAT FOR and tell him your sick of seeing your kids in tears because he cant keep his F#$King promises. he needs to wake up to himself, all the best

Yes i understand your situation,first i want you to knw that you are not the only one who has this problems. My brother is 14 yrs old, he also has a big heart, the best thing to do for them is to talk to them dearly and not scolding them. Its better not to make promises which we cannot keep,this can let them down,what my parents used to do is they prayed for him always, prayer is the only thing that can changed them, because they are going through hard time, as a result these days we are now a happy family. So, dont give up, remember God is there, just reach out and he'll reach you

Wow. I was in the same situation, except I was the child. My father walked out on my mother when I was four and my sister was 2 mo. Now I am 25, my sister is 21, and my half-sisters are 19 and 16. He is in the rears $55,000. From the time I was 4 until twelve we never had a visit or phone call, only a card two months after my birthday with my name spelled wrong. He would show up every year and whisk us off to his house for two weeks, where he bought us lots of stuff and had fun with us, but then he disappeared for another year. And my mother put up with it. She never said anything bad about him, and neither did the rest of my family. She put up with the tempers when he brought us back and the tears when he came back. She loved us, hugged us, cried with us, and paid every day in tears and heartbreak for what he did to us. I was adopted by my step-father when I was 21, and haven't spoken to my biological sperm-doner since. You are in one of the hardest positions a parent can be in. I feel for you, and I have to tell you that as long as you don't try to stand between him and his father, when he is older he will know that you did everything you can. Even writing this I am ready to cry because of the things I put my mother through when she was the one who took care of us and loved us. The only thing I can say is that I love my mother more than I could have ever thought possible, I appreciate her every day and worship the strength she showed in tolerating the tears and accusations for so many years. Also, try to explain to him that there is nothing wrong with him, that he is lovely and wonderful and perfect, and that his father is loosing out by not having such a terrific child in his life.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing.. Your kids are old enough to make the decision if they want to talk or spend time with their father. Hopefully after he keeps breaking their hearts they will realize that they don't want to talk with him anymore- Continue picking up the pieces and being there for your children- That is very important... They also sound like they have a wonderful Step-dad.. So thats important and great also. Have you ever tried to talk to the dad-- tell him what the kids go through and how bad he is hurting them?? perhaps this would change things... Keep on being a great mom!

i have 4 kids and their dad is dumb@** also. i am not also asking for support coz he cant even support himself. it is really heart breaking to see our kids crying specially on a situation we cant control. but what differs from our situation i kept my kids he doesnt know where we are so he cant bug my kids. we know where he is and im asking my kids if they want to see their dad but they really dont care. they are tired also of him. i cant tell you to cut your kids communication to their dad but for me i made that coz i dont want to see them hurting. if one day they decide to see their dad then i will (of course) allow that because it is their right but for the meantime they have to worry about studies rather than worrying about their dad

as your kids get older, they are going to know which parent was always there for them and they most likely will make their own decision. Don't keep them from their father, they will only resent it and it will give him more leverage as to why he doesn't see them. As for what you can do, love them and be there for them. That is all any kids really wants and it sounds like you are doing awesome at it !! Best Wishes !

you seem like a wonderful woman. all you need to do is quit worrying about the scumbag because you are plenty strong enough for your kids.

I am sorry that you are going through that. I know it is so hard. I myself went through this with my child. You can only be there for the kids. We as responsible parents want to protect our kids from the hurt and unfairness in this world. In a situation such as yours, your ex has brought that to the front door. Your kids are at a point in their lives where they realize that their dad isn't what he says he is. It hurts and you are right to be there to dry their tears. Just keep up what you are doing, be sympathetic to their situation and always let them know that you and their stepdad will always be there for them. Which I am pretty sure they know. That is all you can do right now until they decide to write the ex off.

just pray to god.ill also

I would suggest that you are doing the right thing...Having been where you are one thing for certain is that you should refrain from telling them what you really think. Despite the reality it is theirs to figure out...they will make their choices. I think that reminding them how loved they are and what special kids they are is great. I would also try to help them keep moving forward and not become victims. I see that so often and it is not helpful at all for them as adults. It is always worth note that once you loved him enough to have two children. Whatever his excuse is, and I know there does not seem to be one that is valid, it is his to deliver. I remember my son once said to me "did you love me, both of you when I was born?" I felt so sad. I wanted him to know he was born of love despite the rest of the craziness. He is 21 and still struggles with his father but in his own way makes peace. Keep the faith because it sounds like your love and their step Dad's will take him and his sister a long, long way!