Need Advice Big Time
@indiandevil (2410)
Canada
March 18, 2007 4:29am CST
Okay I started a relationship with this guy when I turned 20, he was really sweet and careing and treated me really good. A few months after we met we moved in together, and still things seemed to be really good between us, we did everything together and I really fell in love with him. By May of the following year I had found out I was pregnant, I was happy he was happy, and still everything seemed to go really well.
We had little food in the house at the time as we were on assistance and two young unemployed adults and one time he insisted I go with him, to the local soup kitchen to feed me and the baby. I was suffering from morning sickness and just wanted to stay in bed. He got angry we had a fight, and he called my mother to come and get me. Later that same night we talked things over and I went back. Again he was really sweet and careing. It wasn't until after the baby was born that things seemed to go down hill for us...
I had just turned 22 and was a first time mom. It always seemed like he was never there for me anymore. Seemed he always got to go out and I was stuck at home with the baby by myself until he decided to come home.
When we got into fights, and he would leave to cool down I wouid call someone like my mom a close friend etc.. to vent out. Of course being mad everything was all his fault, he done this and that and so on and so on. My family and friends began to think of him as a complete monster even though he sometimes made a few mistakes as it was his first real relationship as well. In dec. of the year our son was born he got angry and threw a ashtray accross the room, I got hit in the cross fire with it. It was him who came to my aid and knowing he would be in trouble for it, he is the one who dialed 911 and told the opp exactly what had happened that split open my face. He went to jail for a week, and was put on probabtion for a year. My family and friends were convinced he had done it on purpose, because they thought he was a monster.
After that we never seemed to get along, we were always fighting, he was always out because of the fighting, I was convinced by the way he was acting he had someone else and I was lonely. I left with my son, and then a few months later we got back together. However we were soppose to live appart for a while until we worked out our differences. I had rented a place a few miles out of town and leting my cousin who had just lost there job live with my son and I.
My ex usually visited me, but I went to visit him for the weekend with our son. When I called to go home, my aunt suggested if the weekend went well then I stay and they would get my stuff to me, and I would turn the house I was currently paying rent at over to my cousin...who was going to move his girlfriend and new baby into the house. I agreed feeling it was way to soon, and as I exspected it was.
After a few months history repeated its self and we were not getting along at all again. My son and I went away for the weekend, however my boyfriend and I fought, on the phone that whole weekend and by sunday we were finished.
My aunt let me stay, and I got back on my feet. However I missed my ex more and more as time went by and kept it to my self. After a while it drove me nuts and I sent him a email.
My family found out about it, and they said to me I am 24 years old and I can do what I want, but they do not want my son messed up with it. They told me if I choose to go back with my ex, even if we are not living together, as nither he nor I want anytime soon. They will make sure I lose my son.
I am so scared to even take my son to see his father, which his father has been asking me to. I feel his father has the right to see him no matter what happens between him and I. After all he had made a few mistakes in parenting, but this is his first child as well and hes learning as he goes. He loves his son more then anything.
My family had also told me that if I choose to go back with my ex, again even if its just dating and not living together, they will never speak to me again.
I have never not had my family around me, and I love them as much as I do him. I find this a unfair request.
They are my family, however this man I really love and would like to spend the rest of my life with him.
Yes we have a few minor relationship problems, but he and I both want to work them out. We are not bad parents, and always have put our son above all. Including us.
I believe myself that our problems came from being young, unexsperienced, moving too fast, and becoming parents too soon in our relationship-though this I nor him regret.
My question is what should I do?
Should I call them bluff, and go with my heart to fight for what is real and keep MY family(my ex, myson and I) together through this whole thing.
Or give up happiness with the man I love to please my family and do what they want me too...
Ironically my family say they don't want me with him because they feel he is being too controling.
However truely the only ones I feel are telling me what to do, and not really giving me a choice is my family.
For some reason they don't think that we can live seprately, still be together, have a healthy relationship and eventually get back to living under one roof when we are ready.
He wants me to take my son in, to see him this week, I want to, but I dare not ask my aunt...and am scared if I just go my whole family will be angry.
They keep telling me to be a adult and stand up for myself, though I feel as if, even though I am a 24 year old mom, I am being treated like a child, and told if I want to be happy I will be punished.
My ex says they have no legal rights, to take our son.
I am so confused at this point.
All I want is to live alone with my son, but be happy with my ex once again, and go and see him and spend time with him etc. Only difference is that if we begin to agrue one of us can just go home.
Maybe however my family is right and I should listen to what they tell me I should do... I don't know with all these people telling me things I just Don't know what to do, I know what I want.... just not what I should do!
5 people like this
14 responses
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
18 Mar 07
I think your family is right...listen to them you have your son and your family and pray to god he will help you out......i suggest you find or let your parents find some1 else ,mature,settled and loving for you.wats over is over and you gotta get him out of your head .till you dont you wont forget.are you sure you love him??if its yes also.are you sure you ll never fight??of course not better have heart pain than heart attack always..find some 1else...pray and things will be alright....trust in od and now more than ever just concentrate about ur baby.......that baby whom ur husband never took care of ar even you
1 person likes this
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
Thats just it though, he did take care of my so and I. He made a few mistakes and yes we fought, but everyone fights. I remember listening to my parents scream for hours. But you know what they love each more then ever and are still together after 24 years of marriage.
Yes I love him and he loves me. We just went down a wrong path. Seriously I don't think my family are right here, and I am sorry I don't know where you come from or the customs you have. But I will never allow my parents to choose a suitable person for me thats crazy. Who they feel is suitable I don't. But thank you anyway for you trying to help me.
I am however still in a bad situation and that is what exactly should I choose.
1 person likes this
@onlyu2008 (172)
• China
19 Mar 07
I agree with you so much.I think you should think deeply and ask somebody for advise.
@mikesgal4ever1999 (732)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I felt compelled to respond to your post though I often try to stay out of relationship advice. But your post spoke to me and I am someone who has 'been there, done that' So I hope you will take this advice as coming from someone who really understands.
First of all, NO ONE should be hitting you with ANYTHING at all. That is one of the classic abuser signs. I am sorry but all I hear is you rationalizing and making a dozen excuses as to why he should have thrown an ashtray at you. My goodness, what if he would have hit the baby? Then how would you have felt? Another sign is the 'things are ok...then then go bad...we split up....we get back together' over and over again. Its called 'the honeymoon phase' and as long as YOU let it happen, it WILL. Believe me, I know what its like first hand to love an abuser and not want to leave him or be apart from him--my teenagers father threw me into trees, threw a hatchet at me (while I was holding our son trying to leave), punched me in the face (I tried to lock myself in a car to get away from him and I remember the blood splattering the windsheild). Living with an abuser who is not in some sort of couseling, will not EVER get better on its on. It WILL only get worse.
And to be honest, your family COULD step in and prove that the baby is NOT in a safe enviroment. Witnesses and police reports could justify that. All that is takes is a call to Child Protective Services and not saying that they would come in and take the child however, they would and could come into the home to check out the situation and give you case worker who would give you goals to meet or else face having the child removed. In most cases, CPS does not WANT to remove a child unless its a life threatening case--some states are worse than others from what I have heard. Some of their goals could include anger management, parenting classes and the like.
One thing I would firmly suggest that you do and it just might keep down on family issues--go to the court house and file for sole custody of your son. It does not mean and will not mean that your son's father can't see him. It just means that you are responsible for the child and that his permanent residence is with you. That way a visitation schedule can be established (which is one of the thingss your family probably want you to do and this would be a way for you to get a handle on things and show them that you are making adult decisions) if needed and your son's father should also be helping you to support the child so child support needs to be established. This does NOT mean that this cannot be changed IF you 2 heal and can exist as a family under one roof. BUT it DOES help to protect you AND the baby just in case...as a momma, you ALWAYS need to be concered with the 'just in case' scenario.
I would sit down with pen and paper and talk to your ex and you 2 need to talk about what you BOTH want from this relationship and what you are willing to do in order to achieve this.
Your ex is right about your family not having a legal right to take the baby---they do NOT but CPS DOES have that right.
I am sure your family only cares about you and the well-being of that precious baby.
It sounds like you both could use some relationship couseling. And it sounds like you both are new to relationships in general and take it from me, relationships are just like a job...you have to work at them to make them successful. It can and does happen but you both have to want it bad enough to make it work and do what it takes to make it work.
I hope in some way I have helped. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to contact me personally.
Best wishes and take care of that precious baby!
1 person likes this
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
Thats the thing though that I am tring to explain maybe I wasn't clear enough about the time he through that. We were fighting, and I know he shouldn't have thrown it in the first place. He didn't through it at me, but I walked by when he throw it, it was too late for him to stop it. It happened at 1 o'clock in the morning my son was safely in his bed... the thing I am saying is he made a mistake he NEVER hit me after that, and has never abused our son at all. Once in front of my cousin, after my son jumped onto a infant seat, which was holding my cousins newborn who was only a week old. He went to give him a tap on the diaper and say not nice. My son who was a year tried to run and his father got his skin instead, but like I said he wasn't aiming for it and he is a first time dad and made a few mistakes.
CPS was called with the ashtray inncident as well as the police who arrested him the night it had happened. There was no investiongation ever made by CPS and according to my family they called many times because the didn't like my ex.
And thats just the thing as well. Both me and my ex have agreed that we cannot live under the same roof until things are worked out. I am not saying we would never fight however, we can never live under the same roof until we can BOTH at least compremise. My ex and I have issues but he has never done anything but love his son.
He did take care of him when I wasn't home, and he played with him on the floor with his cars and trucks, watched cartoons with him, spoke to him in a loving way, he would even change my son, for me. The first month home from the hospital, he would even let me sleep at night, he got up with our son for me because he knew that I was beat from the work with the house and the baby during the day. He continued doing that until our son slept through the night.
We want to work out custody. He agreed that our son should live with me he just wants to see him. He also still wants to be in a relationship with me just live on our own, and spend time together but also apart.
So how could CPS come into my home to investigate a situation, that isn't currently there? I could see it if we were to move in together, and my son be around him 24/7 and my boyfriend was violent all the time, but he is not.
My family doesn't like him because the never really got to know him they just think they do.
And thats just the thing. They don't want him to ever see his son again. I think this is wrong.
This statement from them that they will do anything to make it so he never see his son again, only started a month after I left him when he got in a fight with a family member.
I live on my own in my own apartment, and I am not "aloud" to have him visit me, at all they tell me if they catch him at my house ever they will make him pay.
He called me just last night on my phone thats in my name, and they freaked out when they found out asking why I gave him my number for.
They want to block him out of both mine and my sons life forever and I don't want that.
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
i'm not going to say anything about this because i see the first couple of people saying exactly what i would have, even if you think that he wasn't aiming for you, with the ashtray, he could have, and once hunni, turns into 2ice, even if it's 10 years apart...
If he verbally abuses you, at all, or ever did, it'll get worse and worse until that doesn't quash his craving anymore...
Sorry anyway what i was going to touch on that Mikesgal missed, was that your parents can go for sole custody of your son, because they are grandparents, all they have to do is get the reports for the ashtray incident from CSS and the police, and his record of time served, which is easy by the way, and if they have any proof that he's in your and the child's life again they have a good chance of gaining custody of him because of the past situation.
It doesn't matter that your not in the same house, it doesn't matter that you don't sleep over or see eachother even yet, it matters that it's in the best interest of the child, and any court would grant them custody solely with those reports and a record of one call made.
Make your decision based on your son, and your happiness, but also your health, you want to be with someone you love, i don't think there's just one person out there for everyone, and i feel that you just feel lonely, maybe that's out of line for me to say, but you may love him, but he's a bad candadate for you and your son. Find someone else to love hunni, someone that's good for your family, not parents and sibblings but your son and you.
2 people like this
@catcai (1056)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
I think the reason that your family is telling you what to do is because they think- you dont know what you want to do yet. You seem as if your confused- Youve been beaten up by the same guy that you loved so much- and your family loves you so much they dont want you getting hurt anymore. But from the way i see it- you do want to be with your ex still even if your relationship gets messed up at times. I think what should be done here is that if your ex trully loves you and wants to re establish your family- I think he has to make a move. HE needs to talk to your entire family NICELY and tell them his plans for you and your son. HE is the one who'se supposed to fight for you and your son and not you- since he's the man and he's the one with the beating problem. He has to learn to control himself when his anger gets through him because who knows what his impulsive anger can do to ur child? U say he loves your son so much- but he loves you too right? so then why does he get to beat you even if he doesnt mean to? Please tell your ex first to fix his life up- set his priorities straight if he really wants you to be a family- otherwise, you will just end up hurting yourself and your family as well if you do the fight on your own. Remember, its the guy whom your family is trying to protect you and your child from- not you... I know you love the guy so much and your family as well- specially your son- just give it some more time until your guy cleans up his act and puts his life together before you build a life with him. Its never too late.. and know deep in your heart what you really want- for you and for your son specially.
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
He has tried over and over to talk to them, they don't wanna here it. He is fighting for me he has been doing it for a while. Everytime we go to the town he lives in they look for him, so they can beat him up etc. They don't wanna hear him out, they don't wanna hear anything I say about it. They are right and thats final type thing.
@dwnshft (6)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Regarding all the bad apples that life has thrown at you, and it may feel like history seems to repeat itself, over and over again... Take a stand and enroll both you and your boyfriend into a family counseling program, regardless of the costs, no penny is worth more than guidance coming from professionals that are willing to help you and your troubles.. In most areas, they should have non-profit or free counseling programs if money is an issue.. The advice and opinions you recieve from your family members, are nothing but their own recommendations.. Of course it doesn't hurt to listen, but do just that, make the choices you want, not what you feel is right.. By doing this, the path you choose will be simple, and you don't look back, because you have no regrets.. Don't let fear lead your life, it is unfortunate for the most part, that this day in age, young individuals get lost or caught up for not being able to cope with certain problems.. I don't know neither you or your family, but I've gone through a similar situation, and the day I decided to quit asking friends, family, co-workers or anybody that knew me well enough.. I lived a better life, with knowing that every choice I made that day, from the morining I woke up till I close my eyes before I go to sleep, was what I wanted, and a decision I can live with... Seeing somebody that knows nothing of you, and is willing to hand you guidance is the first step, after (however long it takes) taking that step, the controls are back in your hands, you'll start to have more faith in yourself, and best of all, more willpower to turn things around for the better.. Now remember, this should go the same with both you and your loved one.. During this entire process, none of your family, friends, or anybody you know too well should not know what's going on!! Keep it confidential between you and him, I say this because you will definitley fail, should you decide to share what was suppose to be your chance to work things out go back to where you started.. True colors should show by this point, wether or not you still feel the same for each other, or feel that moving forward without each other is the best for you and the kids.. Life is not suppose to be diffucult, It's too short to ponder on bad things..
I myself took the chance, and now I have a smile on my face, that keeps my self-esteem in check and an outlook on life better than I thought imagineable.. I could also have not been able to do it, without the love coming from the man upstairs.. God.. I pray almost everyday, not because I have too, but because he is the real reason why I'm alive today, and happy enjoying life, not the way it should be, but the life I wanted to live.. Help is always there, you just have get up and look for it.. Good luck and God bless..
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
Thank you, I have tried to keep it confidential but, my family. Listen in and always have a watchful eye over me. Last night the reason my family found out that he had called me was because her son was at my house and told them.
I feel like I have no privacy, when it comes to my ex. I do plan on talking with my councelor and telling her exactly what is going on.
Thing is that my ex and my problems were only minor problems, that exculated into a full fledged fight from both mine and his stubborness to have to be right. So we couldn't compermise, and most times the fights were over who's turn it was to...say take out the garbage.
See the problem between us, was always the same we wanted to run our house hold slightly different.
and could not compremise to make both of our ways work... so we ended up in hugh fights over it...
And thats what I meant I want my family to back of and let me live my life. If I want to work things out, and get back with my ex, though not live together thats my choice. I am tired of having my family tring to do the very thing they are accusing my ex of
1 person likes this
@proudmammabear (556)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
It sounds like a big amount of fighting to me, and it repeated itself not once but twice, so what is to say that it is not going to happen again? You have to consider that each time you go back your son is older and see's more and is hurt more by the fighting. I think that you should listen to your family, you should leave things ended with your ex. I also agree that your ex should be able to see his son and he should be paying child support to you for your son, but I don't think you should go back.
I think you have to ask yourself honestly if you are missing and loving what you think he can be, or if you really love the person that he really is, because if you truely loved the person he really is, then there would have been no reason for the fighting to get so bad you would have had to leave not once but twice.
you are always going to have a certain amount of love in your heart for him because he is the father of your first born child, however I do not think that the two of you belong together, time has proven that. I think it is time for you to move on and see what and who else is out there, focus on giving your son the best life you can give him, with happy surroundings. And Yes your parents could take your son away, especially if they could prove violence in the home, and you said yourself that your ex went to jail because of the ashtray hitting you...I would think long and hard about your priorities here, and the only one I can think of is your son.
1 person likes this
@proudmammabear (556)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
ok I just read some of the other things in your responses on here, to me it sounds like you need to have space from your family as well, if your 11 year old cousin is comming in and telling you those things, tell him to get out of your place if he is not going to respect you, and the same for everyone else, if they are not going to respect you show them where the door is and tell them that if they cannot respect you they are free to walk out that door until such a time where they can show respect toy you, your property and your son. I think what you have here is a controlling family, that is driving you towards a controlling man because at least when you are with that man (your ex) you know your family members would not disrespect you the way they do now, because he would speak up and put an end to it. I suggest you go to some counselling to learn how to be more assertive, assertiveness training for women would be of some huge benefit to you.
@yamahagirl (415)
•
17 May 07
Hi there.
You remind me of myself,my family did not take to my boyfriend we was not that close as a family anyway we spoke now and then that was good enought for me,
Anyway lost of stuff happend with my brothers and my sister trying to split us up after hell and back i can now say im happy married with 4 kids 5th on the way, we have been toghter for 8 years now and still going strong, we still have problems even after all this time from my family but they cant touch us,
but can i just add to u he has never hit me, my family had no reason to hate my boyfriend but i can see why ur family might not be happy they care for u and u kid their granson they dont want u to have a life like that they just want the best for u think about what u want do u really want to cut strings with ur family and have a life where things are ok half the time and the other half get slaped around think of ur son too many kids these days are violent due too seeing it happend at home.
go with what ur heart saying to u hope u sort it out and make the right decision.
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
17 May 07
I already have, and I have moved on but he can't let me go still.... he still acts like he owns me... got news for him
@subha12 (18441)
• India
19 Mar 07
I think its very difficult to suggest here. How do u know that there will be no violence from your Husband's side.
Again your family can't keep your child to them.
But I think they think about your safety and all.
also about the child, he is getting devoid of his father.
But you should ensure that there will be no violence from his father if u start living with him
talk with all. i mean your family, hubby all together and you have to take your decision cautiously.
@bronsonrajiv (86)
• India
18 Mar 07
listen to ur family members.. your still very young to do most of the things on your own...
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
That is just it though, I am 24 years old in 4 days. I have a two year old, I am living on my own. However I am being told by my family what to do. Who I can see, who I can't see.... its so bad that my 11 year old cousin comes into my house, and runs me,steals from my fridge, cuppboards, takes my name brand clothes, takes my childs toys, etc. If I say anything about it, they make me feel as if I DONE SOMETHING WRONG. He comes in takes over my TV and tells me in my own house, to SHUT THE F***K UP. He does this infront of my two year old who is know beginning to think "why should I listen to you." Because again when I tell his parents what he did, I am told to grow up. Or made feel like it is my fault. And when my ex asks me why I let them control me, I even ask my self on a daily basis. Because I do feel like I am being controled, by them.
Like I said they are my family and I love them but they claim my boyfriend was controling, when he would let me do what ever I wanted when I wanted to do it. I did not have to tell him "oh I am going to town" Blah blha... but you must understand, I am living on my own at 24 and have to "ask" permission to take my son on the SMT bus for the 20 minute drive to the city to visit people and they decide if its a good Idea or not... they even ask me where it is that I am going.
I am in counceling, because they insisted I take it and my councelor even told me she doesn't think I had problems from abuse, at least from my ex. I told my family that, because the way I see it I don't show signs of abuse, its because there wasn't any.
However when she learned I was talking to my ex on the phone she demanded I make another appoint with my counclor tommarrow indeed I will and I will tell her exactly how I feel I am being treated by my family, let her haul them into the session and let them find out that way because I can not take this crap anymore.
1 person likes this
@theone3nu (598)
• India
19 Mar 07
Youcan not possibly be confused about this. Your face was split open by him. Even if he did not mean to cut you. He did toss it across the room. You can't feed your son with love. I don't care how much you yearn for this man. your son did not ask to be born. You said you had to eat at the soup kitchen. You should have used protection. And now it's way to late. Your son deserves better. You have every right to destroy your like. After all it's yours. You don't have this right with your son. Your family should have taken you to court already. They have the jail records on them ash tray. They even have the probation records. They can get your son as well. You should know by now your son comes first. I mean no harm by this either. But if you read your post again. You will see your not ready to be a mother. I would think it would be best to give your son to your family and move on. They have no right to be in this mess. This man clearly has a temper.
@onabreak2 (1161)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Only you can make this decision. You know whether or not this person is a good person or not. For some reason your family thinks that he is not a good parent. If it was all a misunderstanding then you need to explain that to them. If they think that this guy is going to beat you up or has been beating you up then of course they are not going to want you with him or your son either.
In your heart I think you know what you need to do. Whatever you decide remember you have a child that is in the picture and you have to do what is best for the child.
@coffeeshot (3783)
• Australia
19 Mar 07
has your ex had any sort of rehabiltation or anger management? He is probably genuinely sorry for what he did to you but the fact is he lost his temper and you got your face sliced open. You also say that you want to live by yourself, go see your ex every now and then and "if we begin to argue, one of us can just go home". This doesn't sound too confident to me. Have you thought about relationship counselling? It can be very stressful being in a relationship, especially with a baby involved. It would be very beneficial to yourself, your ex and your child to seek some sort of family counselling. And remember, there is nothing worse than fighting in front of children so I suggest you and him go and sort this out before you decided to reconcile.
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
he went to angermanagemnet imediately after the inncident and like I sait that was the first and the last time he did anything like that,
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Regardless of what any of us say here, you are going to do what you untimately want to do. Your family DOES have the power to take your son, though. If they feel you and his father are endangering him and they can convince a judge of this (which is likely to happen given the ashtray incident), then your family will be awarded custody of your son at least as long as you are with your ex.
@indiandevil (2410)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
But the ashtray inncident happened in 2005. After he got out of jail we lived together for 6 months after that. And the courts knew this. As he was in angermangement and had cummunity service etc. They did not see him as a threat to me or my son just someone who made a mistake. Like I said also CPS was called that time and never even felt the need to investigate... infact When I was living with my ex at the time we had never been investigated by CPS because of a complain, and it probably had t do with the fact that we were involved with people in the communtity such as public health nurses and Councelors etc. That knew what excatly was going on. We tried family Counceling but you know, it did work, not because we didn't try or couldn't make it work. But because the councelor would make apointments reschedule etc... I think we seen her three times in six months, when we were soppose to see her twice a month. Which made me give up and leave the last time. After I left and came back, She came once, and then never came back again. even though she was ordered to do it by the courts from the ashtray and was to continue to do it a full year I hardly think 4 sessions, equal a year or can even make things better
@babynanan (133)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
It's so hard for me to tell you what to do coz in the first place it is you who knows everything and what you wrote is just a short summary of what is going on. But at the same, my reaction is that... Think a hundred times before making your decision. Sometimes it's not bad to use our minds. Your ex has already caused you a lot not just physically but also emotionally. Your parents are not trying to prevent you from your happiness coz if they do then from the beginning of your relationship, they would prevent you from seeing him but then they just did that bec. they are are just trying to protect you from whatever may happen. If your ex can easily hurt you, then he would always do that again no matter how he promise not to do it again. Love is not enough to sustain a relationship, it's also RESPECT. You deserve some respect and he has no right to hit you or anything. If he really loves you, then he would show to your family and to you that he is worth trusting, worth of respect and man of conviction. If I were in your shoes, I would let the father of my son learn some responsibility and let him change for me and my child. Find something to make you busy and focus on your child and if your ex is ready, then maybe that's the time you can talk and work things out. Give him some time first. Good luck!!
@MADMAND (1)
•
19 Mar 07
Hi there, sorry to hear of your situation, I have been there myself only there were no children involved! Firstly it sound to me very much like your ex is jealous of your relationship with your child! This is not uncommon when a baby is born into the relationship as stupid as it may seem! What you have to consider here is the agression your ex has towards you, have you spoke to him about anger management therapy?? He clearly doesnt want to be without you and your son, but makes no effort in changing his ways once he has you! I realise you still love him and want to keep your family unit together but it is ruining your family relationship and this is going to have a psychological effect on your son, as he gets older! Do yo really want him to grow up thinking his fathers violence and agression is "the norm" I hate to say this but I can tell you not to hold your breath thinking he will ever change because until he sees a counsellor and works through this anger he has, he will never change! You have your sons future to consider and I agree with your family and feel you would be best to keep contact minimal (see child only)and yo can plough your energy into making a better more secure future for both you and your son before your ex does anymore damage! You can do it, be strong and who knows you may find a man who adores you and treats yo with the repect you deserve as your ex will only ever drag you down.........
Good luck and I hope things work out and that you find happiness
Mand
XxX
