Rules for cats
By jwfarrimond
@jwfarrimond (4473)
March 18, 2007 6:37am CST
To be posted very low on the refrigerator door.
Dear cats.
The dishes with the paw prints on them are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.
The proper order is to kiss me and then go and smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-CAT OWNERS WHO LIKE TO VISIT & LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE CATS.
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture)
3. I like my cats a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you it's a cat. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Don't hang out with drug using friends.
6. Never drive your car.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't worry about buying the latest fshions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
10 people like this
23 responses
@ElicBxn (63642)
• United States
18 Mar 07
Ain't it the truth!
The second half is definitly how I feel. And I don't worry about the pregnant part, unlike kids, you can get your cat (or dog) fixed!!! And I wish more people would do so!!!
I've taken in 8 cats since Halloween, from 3 months to 5 years & NONE of them were fixed. At least the 2 oldest girls were never let out to get pregnant! Oh, and only 2 were male, one of the kittens & a 1 yr old. They are all fixed now - so I have a house full of fixed cats (and have found homes for 2 of the 8!)
4 people like this
@Phlamingho (7824)
• Denmark
18 Mar 07
1. They live here. You don't.
No but it's just an animal and not a very qute one. Keep it off me please.
2. If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture)
Or maybe you should just learn to clean your home, or get a pet that dosen't make a mess!?
3. I like my cats a lot better than I like most people.
And that's why you'll always be lonely ;-)
4. To you it's a cat. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Unfortuantly the animal dosen't really feel this way about you. Actually it's dosen't really care for you at all, ever considered getting a dog?
LOL, sorry couldn't help myself, I really don't like cats.
1 person likes this
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Why couldn't you just appreciate the great writing that went into this instead of insulting the person? I love dogs and cats. I happen to have cats because, where I live, I can't have a dog. But you are definitely wrong about cats not caring. A couple of years ago, I was forced to put ten of my thirteen cats in a kennel and they were very upset that I wasn't with them. In fact, the father of the group became so depressed he wouldn't eat and I thought I was going to lose him. One of the other cats became so frightened by the dogs barking that she was too afraid to come out and let me hold her. And, one of the others began pulling her fur out because she was so upset. Fortunately, I have them all back with me now but I can assure you that cats feel just as much for us as we do for them. Until you know what you are talking about, maybe you shouldn't make such ignorant comments.
@monkeywriter (2004)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I AM NOT ALONE! I now know my cat is not the only one to try to eat our food, race the stairs, try to trip me, etc. *L* Do cats read? If so I should print this out and put it for my cat to see haha!!
I like that one too "fur"niture heehee YOUR GREAT! This made me smile :))
1 person likes this
@monkeywriter (2004)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Ah! You have a cat named Princess? SO DO I! How old is yours? My little Princess Angel (most of her real name) will be 15 in June. Yeah shes more like an old lady Princess now *L* but still frisky at her age! :))
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
My Princess is 5. She is the second youngest of her litter, which is the oldest of my three litters. She's cream colored with gray and brown streaks and a cream colored streak between her big blue eyes. She's part Siamese and Burmese and is absolutely gorgeous!
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I drink chocolate milk every morning and if I don't watch it, I have a cat drinking out of it. Especially my Bootsie. He loves chocolate milk. So does Princess. Now, Scrapper will drink my iced tea. And, when Spirit was alive, I literally had to fight to be able to eat my own food. He would eat anything. Most of my cats don't care about my food but let me tell you that when I open up a can of cat food, I have an ocean of multi-colored fur wrapped around my feet because they love can food.
@1983tyler (507)
• United States
18 Mar 07
That is so funny. Thanks for sharing. I'm sending this to all my cat friends. I especially like the message to non-cat owners who like to complain about the cats. They are my kids. I have four cats and I love them very much.
2 people like this
@yvonne1968 (1063)
• United States
18 Mar 07
LOL thanks for posting this
i am going to have to print out a couple copies of this and give them out to my boyfriend,mother and few other people who have cats, maybe even send it out as a laugh through email.
Scary thing most of this is true LOL
3 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
Dear Perrrrrson
Just to advise you I can not read, so forget you rules and regulations, as well it is well known that in the cat community we are not here for you, we may take a message and get back to you if it suits our mind set, As for the food you have been giving us lately we recommend you taste before serving,Your bed, no no no not in our life time my bed. Also just to advise you we unlike dogs (ugg) we do not have owners, WE have staff, and advise you to keep this in mind the next time you go down those stupid stairs, I keep tripping over you. Yours sincerely
The Cat of the house
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
19 Mar 07
Clearly this feline is fibbing. Otherwise would not have been able to write this :)
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
2 May 07
Not in the least I had my staff take care of all menial stuff, and for your information cats are incapable of being deceitful, just ask any one We have 9 lives and so deceit and lying is not necessary.
Signed by and dictated and approved for publication.by the CAT of the house
any more questions? mer-row
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Oh, I wish there was a way to give this a higher rating than just a plus sign because it is so absolutely hysterical and so very true. Since I have 13 cats and a queen size bed, I understand completely. I love the part about the food and kissing me before sniffing the other cat's butt. I have felt this way many times and since I live in a one room place, I really can relate to all of this.
Thank you so much for the great belly laugh. You really need to publish this! In fact, I have to email you because I have a great idea for this.
1 person likes this
@monkeywriter (2004)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Wow. You have 13 cats at once? That must be fun! :)) You sound like a neighbor who moved away. They all lived outside but I am sure she had at least 13. She used to take in strays all the time. It was a great house to visit :))
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
19 Mar 07
13 cats in a one roomed place!! you need a larger house! But you know that there is probably some sort of cat rule that says that says something like: "Cats will multiply to fill the available space" :)A variation on the work rule that says that work will expand to fill the available time :)
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Yes, they are fun. I love them all dearly! Of course, I will be a bit happier once we are in a house and there is more room for them to run and play in.
@jean_rose (415)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Sahahaha! Since I am a lover of cats, i have loved this post!
1 person likes this
@greylady (153)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I love it.
Most of it is exactly the way I feel and as for those who prefer dogs, much of what was written fits a dog too with a few minor detail changes.
You have to walk your dog and take it out to go potty. A cat uses the litter box. You have to put your dog on a leash and buy a license for it. If people leash their cats I've never seen it. (I do think your dog is a little more loyal to you but maybe that's because they are more dependant on you to see to their needs.)
BUT you might consider getting your kitty fixed so there are so many unwanted kitty's running around.
1 person likes this
@onlyu2008 (172)
• China
19 Mar 07
I like cats also!And I think cats are useful to human beens and they can catch mouse.That is very good!
@kaperkitty (1097)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
awww i looooooooooooove it my 2 fur babies Smokey and SusieQ rule the house!!! I have seen me in snow storms heading to the corner store for cat treats because i couldn't bare the bad mommy looks
cheryl
1 person likes this
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
19 Mar 07
I looked this up on Amazon and liked the review so much that I added it to my Amazon wish list for ordering later. Thanks! :)
@BarBaraPrz (47634)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
18 Mar 07
Have you read the book "The Fur Person" by May Sarton?
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Hehe I love those lists. I'm going to have to copy them and give them to a few friends. We have a lot of cats and I think they need to know the rules as do our guests. It would save a lot of headaches :)
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
i really agree of what you posted. And also for the record the Non-cat owner thing is damn correct. I love cats than my neighbor haha.
1 person likes this
@AngelNicki (412)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I love that one! It describes my kitty cat to a tee!!!! Especially the part about placing his paw print in the middle of my dish. He also thinks that if he dips his paw in my milk, its his. And he's sort of right, cause once his grubby little paw has been in there, I do NOT want to drink it!!!
1 person likes this
@whimsystoryteller (1743)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I just sent you a "friend" request because I can't send a message until you are on my "friends" list, evidently. I have a great idea for this piece but I need to talk with you about it.
whimsystoryteller
1 person likes this
