Reputations, Expectations and Black Sheep
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
March 18, 2007 11:45am CST
How hard is it to change people's opinion of you once they've formed a negative one? Have you ever found that no matter what you do, people have certain low expectations?
When I was growing up, my older sister was always the favourite. I was always the one who was blamed for everything, whether it was deserved or not. I tried so hard to do well but it was never good enough for my mother as she always said "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
This reputation spread to my grandparents and I was always known as the black sheep. When I broke my arm I got a get well card that simply read: Trust you.
It was really hard for me as I couldn't seem to do anything about it. Eventually I moved away from home and began to build my self-esteem back up again. I realised that my mother hadn't been fair and I was worth more than she made me believe.
Now it's odd as the situation is totally reversed. I'm living happily with my partner and having my own life and my older sister is still at home, drinking too much and generally causing my parents grief. I heard the other day that my grandmother now refers to me as the "good one". This came as such a shock after a lifetime of never being good enough.
It just goes to show that you can put aside other people's perspectives of you and the best revenge is to prove them wrong. The validation is nice, but I know that I'm strong enough with or without it now.
Does anyone have a similar story?
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2 responses
@hezoid (2144)
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18 Mar 07
I think it's very hard to get people to change their perception of you once they've made their minds up, unless you do something pretty spectacular (or something spectacular happens) to make them suddenyl re-evaluate their oppinion of you. This doesn't mean you shouldn't try, but maybe people shoulnd't beat them selves up so much about others oppinions of them.
2 people like this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
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18 Mar 07
All very true.
It's hard not to care about your mother's opinion though. Especially growing up!
I try to be less judgemental of people but it's hard because I have a very strong sense of right and wrong. I think it takes a very strong person to be able to be willing to re-evaluate their impression of someone - and it's often for the best.
1 person likes this
@meredin (13)
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19 Mar 07
Unfortunately I tend to find that if someone has a negative opinion of you it's extremely hard to change. in fact generally it'll only change if something spectacular happens, or through a very long time with nothing happening that they could possibaly consider negative.
yet conversely a positive opinion can be reduced by the smalist thing, or even something that was just imagined!
When I was at school I was very withdrawn so I was one of the kids most likly to be bullied. One time I lashed out after a group was having a go at me from then on I had a reputation as being a physico! yet I think in the whole time I was in school I only hit someone twice and both times it was in retaliation. I never had a friend untill I moved away from where I grew up!
also I was considered stupid (partly due to mild dyslexia but also because I was generally a quiet person). in fact I was accused of cheating at one point by a teacher as I'd missed several lessons and had to sit a test in which I did very well! so I gave up and left school with nothing!
now days I'm a member of MENSA (which I only joined to prove to myself that I could do it!) and I'm studying for a computing degree with the open university!
I've also got several very good friends including a certain group of four people that I now visit quite regulary!
In the time that I've known you, I've not noticed anything negative about you or any of your house mates! you've been a great friends who have been there in bad times as well as good. as per eariler this year! It's just a shame that it took so long for that quality to be recognised by your grandmother!
I'm now happy with the person that I am! and that is the most important thing!
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