Help!! PLease read!

uh oh. this probably isnt good. in my opinion (im not judging you) that was a big mistake- to write back to him. you should have just left it alone. the past is the past, and now you are married with a baby. that is way too much to put on the line for some guy who cheated on you in the past. well, anyway, whats done is done. if i were in your shoes, i would never write to this guy again, and just be greatful for the wonderful family and life that i have now, and NEVER bring it up to my husband. if you feel that it will clear your conscience, then do it, but i warn you, it is only going to make him furious (most likely, i dont actually dont know if your husband is a mellow guy) that you were communicating with someone that you once had feelings for. BUT if you are going to continue to write to your ex, i would say that yes, you should tell your husband the truth about what is going on. you dont want him to find out and have him thinking that there is a possibility of a relationship starting between you and the ex again. the sooner, the better. but honestly, i cant imagine ANY man being OK with his wife continuing a relationship from the past....even if it is just as friends. ..... just my thoughts.

Hi Shannon, What a dilemma. My advice comes from someone who has honestly been in your shoes, (over 25 years ago), but the scenario is much the same. I had been married to my how husband for a few years and I accidentally ran into an old flame. The first thing I thought was "Oh My Gosh"! I was naturally curious and I guess wanted to know if the old flame was still burning, which, it was. Needless to say, stopping to talk to my old flame put some pretty strange thoughts in my otherwise peaceful, logical mind. I can related to everything you are saying and will give you my very best advice. Mind you, it's just my advice. I'm sure there are some who will say I'm completely nuts and don't know what I'm talking about. Here goes: The most important thing you said is, "I love my husband and my child and I just don't want to be distracted away from them". If in fact this is the case, I would suggest you politely and honestly cut off any further conversation with the ex. Tell him why. You are in love with your husband and would not hurt him for anything, therefore, you cannot continue correspondence. Why? Because your husband finding out would mean, according to you, and according to what I know about men's ego and how they feel about their wives, it would only serve to hurt your husband and put doubt in his mind. You don't want that. Would I tell him? Of course not! You understand what you have done and feel guilty enough as it is. You certainly don't want it to go any further. Remember your ex as just that. Your ex. Concentrate on your current life and keep the memories alive in your private little room way inside the back of your heart where no one ever comes. You are the only one who can get inside that space. Put your ex aside and don't ever give your husband the opportunity to mistrust you over as trivial an issue as this. Trust me! It's not worth it.

One important ingredient in a happy and secure relationship is honesty and communication. It's not bad at all to communicate with your ex-boyfriend, particularly in your case where you have ended up in a bad thing. This is one way of really letting go of the bad memories and forgetting the past. You should also check your true reason why your ex keep bothering your mind. I really hope that you just wanted to straighten the bad memories and feelings you have kept all through out this year because of the bad ending of that relationship. Just what I have said earlier, if you want to keep your family strong and tightly bonded, then tell your husband all about this thing.

If you REALLY don't want to be distracted from your family you will stop communicating with him. And every time you go back to think of the good times with him, move your thoughts to how it ended. Then remember good times with your current mate and child. You wouldn't have to tell your husband about it if you truly let it go. But if you have trouble letting it go, maybe you should tell him so that it doesn't build up into this wedge between you. You really can't go back into the past. Focus on the present and plan for the future. Forget about the two-timing jerk and be grateful for your husband.

Is this something you need to speak to a counselor about to bring it into perspective? Is this partially resurrected relationship worth giving up what you have now?

Your solution is rather simple.Tell your husband right away and explain to him why you waited.Whenever you think about your ex and all of the good times,think of all of the things he was telling the other woman and understand he would do it again.It takes a coward to leave like you say he did,so call a spade a spade and remember he betrayed you and your trust.Hopefully you are in a quality relationship now.If so share with your husband your feelings and things will be ok.I am a husband and that is what I would expect from my wife.Good Day to you matt980003@yahoo.com

Since you love your husband and child, the best thing you can do is to stop all communication with your ex. Husbands can be pretty hard to predict so it might be better if you keep mum about this but make sure all contact is stopped. Delving into the past often makes us remember things that did not actually happen or distorts our version of what actually happened. Send a Dear John letter to you ex and ask him never to contact you agian. It is for the best. Concentrate on your husband and beautiful baby. These years are precious and can never come back again. Dont spoil it with what might happen and enjoy the present and look forward to the future. I've been there and believe me a confession is the worst thing you can possibly do.

Personally if I was you I would tell your husband the only thing he will be mad at is that you didnt tell him in the first place and that you message him back. Me being a guy I would be mad. Dont hide it any longer because if he finds out on his own count your marriage over.

Hi hon. That is a rough situation. I feel for you. Yet another thing we have in common. With all of the stuff I have been going through with my husband, my ex husband just popped up from nowhere as well. Must be something in the air. We were married for 8 years but had no kids. We divorced about 3 years ago because he cheated on me. He has tried to stay friends through all of it, and I neither hate him nor love him. I just reached a point where I could be civil to him, and am otherwise indifferent. But about a week ago he emailed me. He had been on vacation and saw a few things that reminded him of me, so he picked them up. He does this sort of thing from time to time, I am used to it. I never take the things he buys, and normally I just shrug it off as he knows he was wrong and if I am friends with him it erases what he did wrong. I never tell my husband when he calls or emails because I dont want to start another fight since things have not been that great here. I truly have no feelings left for my ex, but the way things have been going lately, this last email did get me to thinking about all of the good times we had, and how different my life would be if I had stayed with him, etc. It is rough. I dont want my ex husband back at all. But it is easy to think of the past. I just remind myself that an ex is like anything else in life you throw out. You threw it out because you didnt want it anymore, so why on earth would you go digging through the trash to get it out. I dont know what to suggest about your husband. I know that mine would accuse me of all kinds of things and then be suspicious, even though there is nothing going on. So I dont tell him. Especially since I dont contact my ex, he contacts me, and I do my best to not answer, or if I do, I keep it short and to the point (for my own sanity sake). But if your husband is an understanding man, or there is a chance he will find out anyway, better you tell him, than he stumble on it on his own. Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope it all works out for you.

I think it's better if you don't discuss about this with your housband, it might really cause him proccupation, or it might induce some little tension between you and him. I personally don't like keepeng or re-establishing any deep communication with any boy I had a relationship with..the very present is much more important, and that's the point that should take your attention the most. don't mix the two things : the fact that you have been living many beautiful moments with him, is real, but I'm sure that by the time you have been changing, and starting something wich is not less emotional or greate. more than nostalgy and bridges with the past, love for your present life is the greatest thing

Baby girl you have only two options and that is to either quit seeing your ex and settle with your husband or defuse an attempt to open that to your husband.why would you worry about him knowing sooner when there is nothing fizzy to happen btn you and your ex.your ex is history you husband is the present and future treasure that at least for the babies sake.

OK, here's my theory on this and just remember it is only my opinion and you know what they say about opinions... It seems to me that you have some major unresolved issues with your ex even if it is only regarding the way things ended. You have to make a decision for yourself, because I don't think you really ever got over your ex. I think until you have the answers to all the questions about your past and future relationship with your ex, then this matter will never truly be resolved. I hate to have to let you know, but you have put the doubts in your husband mind when you do tell him because he is going to wonder why if you had no feelings for your ex why you couldn't tell him to begin with. First you need to ask yourself, truthfully, why you even looked him up on myspace to begin with. Second, it's ok to think about the past and someone you were with, however if those thoughts have you doubting your marriage you may want to step back and put things in to perspective. I think one thing you need to do is make a pros and cons list of what you have now with your husband, all the good and bad, and make a pros and cons list of things you had with your ex. Most often I have seen, with friends, etc, that history repeats itself. If he cheated on you before, he will do it again and that is just simple fact. Furthermore, he didn't even have the balls to tell you to your face, he left and broke up with you via letter, I find that to be utterly childish and if you decided to go back to him, is he someone that you would want around your child. I think what would be best for you is to cut all ties with him and just leave thingd as it was 5 years ago. If you feel that you can't just be friends with him, then you can tell him that you appreciate his acknowledgement that he hurt you and you accept his apology for the way he treated you, but you are not comfortable communicating with him any longer. I have been married for 5 years to a man I have been with 11 years and sometimes I think of other guys I have been with, however, never once has any of them made me doubt my marriage. I don't ever think of getting back with any of them, much less any of the ones who cheated on me. My motto in life is to never look back, that is why it is called the past.

Oh, just tell him everything. There is no point in worrying yourself. Actually, I do not see the reason why you should not tell him. I guess he will be even more mad when you postpone it.

i hate to get married. in china more chinese lady pay attention to married a rich man. i have not money .so i can not get married

I would definitely stop talking to the other guy. It will have a negative impact on your marriage no matter what if you continue. I wouldn't tell your husband about it, I would just stop talking to him immediately. It's ok to catch up...but you sound like you really miss him and you might find it very difficult to stop it on down the line if you continue to do it. And it could end up really becoming an issue with you and your husband if he were to find out about it later on. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Good Luck!

First thing you need to do is to get it clear up in your head whether you REALLY want to get your ex out of your head & your life. If you are clear you DON'T want to then keep it hidden from your husband. That way your husband will come to know one day & he will automatically become another ex by himself. If you decide you want your ex out of your system then first tell your husband. Tell him everything that he does not know about your relationship with your ex, past present or future. Tell him to relax & that you are telling him all this to cleanup with him & that you don't mean to keep him in the dark. Apologize for that brief moment when you were probably attracted to your ex or whatever & create the possibility of a new & renewed relationship with your husband & kids. That will definitely make your life a lot easier rather than you carry extra baggage with you all your life get it off your chest & live life in a great way. The next thing you need to do is to cleanup with your ex. Don't message him CALL him & let him know how much he meant to you but now your family takes priority & you can't let your family down. So he has to move on & you too. So now both sides are patched up & all you need to do is to maintain your integrity. All the best for a great life.

So far you have NOT done anything wrong! You are an adult and your husband does not own you.. you can talk to whoever you want, particularly someone who used to be a big part of your life. I understand feeling guilty, but as it has only been a few e-mails, I would suggest telling your husband that your ex messaged you and that you messaged back. No big deal. You are obviously very happy with your husband, so this shouldn't give him any reason to feel threatened. I think jealousy is kind of ridiculous if you're in a secure, committed relationship. Your husband should feel MORE secure and be able to truly trust you if you are always honest with him. I am still friends with both of my ex's... the way I always saw it was that these men have shared so much with me.. we shared a lot of love.. the reasons I cared for them didn't go away when we decided to break up. They are still the same wonderful people! Why should I lose them from my life forever just because the romantic part didn't work out? Thankfully, my husband has overcome any jealousy he experienced and is very, very secure with me. He knows if my ex e-mails me I will say, 'Got an e-mail from Jimmy... his grandpa is sick.' or whatever. My husband is my very best friend... I don't keep anything from him, we have trust so I can be friends with whoever I choose. It doesn't sound like you are in any danger of leaving your husband or rekindling anything with the ex, so tell the hubby about it and stop feeling guilty! Chances are this came up so you can resolve some old feelings and move on.

Tell your husband..yes, it's hard...but you wouldn't want him to keep a secret like that from you. Your husband would rather find out from you than from another source. If you mention it casually to your husband...then I'm almost positive he won't be mad at you. More likely he'll be mad at your ex. You're probably finding it hard to tell your husband because you had some old feelings arise...which is perfectly normal...just don't act on those feelings! My pastor always told me and my huband to ask ourselves "Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer a lifetime?"

"Dear John".. what's a coincidental.. my husband named john but anyway im sure he is not my husband coz there millions of johns here on earth. you are a married woman today. you should not entertain surely the boy in your past eventhough he has still a spot in your heart. if you love your husband, then forget your ex. infidelity is a mortal sin.. then if you intend to forget the past then there is no need to tell your husband that you communicated with your ex without his knowledge and thinking you are already married. respect your husband if you really love him. and even you dont really love him that deep, the fact is you are married with him, and he deserve to be respected.

Hi, I don't see any problem with replying to an ex, because deep within me, I know I'm not doing anything wrong. If I'm not doing anything that will destroy my marriage, what is there to worry about? Honesty is always an important factor in any relationship, especially in marriage. It would be best if you talk to your husband about this. I mean, I have always been friendly to my exes and I make a point of letting my guy know this so that he'll know the little "chit-chats" are all friendly and innocent. Honesty helps a lot, it makes you both feel secure about the relationship. I just hope that your husband is an open-minded and understanding person because things like this, I admit, is not something that happens everyday.