Step children

I would have a friendly sit down with her, and remind her that tho she is their mom, and you can try to respect most of her wishes, that at your house some things may be different. That you would like to keep things peaceful for the kids sake, and she can help by not filling their heads with her opinions of us, because your husband is her kids dad, and there is nothing she can do about that now. Say it nicely but firmly. Good luck!!!

YOu try to talk to their mother that you will try your best to be a good mother, and will give the best facilities to her children. Even if she doesnot get convinced, you tell their mother, that you will not be able to handle them if she interfares in their life.

It could be that the ex-wife finds it difficult to admit that her husband is out to change her with you for a wife. She finds it hard to understand considering that they have in fact, two offsprings already. Bring this up with your upcoming husband. Maybe he can talk to the ex-wife about cutting the yells and bad remarks. The best setup will be having the kids around minus the mother during the visits. The way I see it in movies and tv, the mother may leave the kids with their father and then later comes back and picks up the kids at the time they agree on.

You must straighten this out before you make any kind of commitment (i.e. get married. i married a woman with three kids and it was a huge disaster. They were totally undisciplined and had the run of the household. Their mother would not say or do anything to them, and would not let me do so either. The marriage did not last very long at all. Work this out before you get married or the marriage probably won't survive.

Being nice to children always help, onme more thing that can make you think positively is the fact that you are going to face them for a small period (on regular, basis taht's anotherthing).

First of all, I think that their mom is being disrespectful to you when she tells them that you are a bad person. Dont worry to much about how she is going to take getting her feelings hurt, b/c she obviously hasnt worried about yours. You gotta let the kids know quik that you arent horrible. Their mom needs to except you esp. since you are getting married to their father soon.

just ignore them as best as you can. see, none of us like to be contradicted, more so by the other woman! you would have done the same if you were in her shoes (so would have I). in the first place, you should not have agreed to have the kids over, no matter for how small period of time. now that you have invited them and agreed to yourself to be a civilised hostess, please stick to your senses. the hours will definitely pass, they will leave but you will feel nice inside if you can just ignore her barbs and keep a smiling composure. there is no way you can win any argument with her, you will only be left with bitter memories and an embittered future husband! also remember that they are not your children (i may sound selfish, but its true), dont involve yourself too much into their well-being. they should enjoy the time spent with you and go back safely to their mom, but dont overdo it, otherwise they may never want to leave!!!

I think you are doing the right thing. I think all you can do is speak with their father and let him know how you feel. Let him know your frustrations. You should also consider very deeply if you can handle marrying into this situation.

I read somewhere here that they mind you and your soon to be husband.. and not their mother or grandparents.. I have a nephew and a neice and when they come over and spend the weekend with us we had no problems out of them.. They had manners with us.. They loved to come and spend the weekends with us.. Oh my god going home and the way they were treated by their parents its no wonder they loved coming to our house.. We didnt yell at them, we talked to them and listened to what they had to say..Not belittle them.. We let them be kids..If my husband and I was having fight we would tell the kids to go outside and play. They are older now and they still respect us as we respect them... I dont know if this would help any since they are not my step children..But maybe something I said may be helpfull..

well alot of pyscartists say that in this instance you need not do any discipline at all it should be the daddy's job and you support him in the discipline. another words your a stranger (even if you been there for years) support him in the discipline and frankly he should talk to his ex and you stay out of it altogether. I know this seems rash and harsh but even Dr Phil says that is what a step parent should do and My friend married a aman who had 5 children and she didnt do this and life has been horrible but another friend did do all I just wrote you and the kids grew to love her and except her and life is great.

You should not have to do nothing. Your soon to be husband should put his foot down. While the kids are with yall. She should not have no reason to call unless she is telling the kids goodnight. If she keeps telling the kids how bad yall are, I would threaten to take her back to court and tell the judge that she is brain washing the kids. You are in a bad situation and your hubbys x need to grow up and think about the kids. It sounds like she is just resenting your husbands new life.

its hard to have step children but its part of marrying someone if they have kids its a package deal you really cant do anything about it and practically takes time to take over someones else place it would take time and another thing is are they unrespectful because you took the place of thier mom if that is so it would take a lot of talking to tham and gaining thier respect

i would tell her that jsut like she has rules in her house or that the kids are allowed to get away with certain things with her they just aren't going to be able to do it with you. i tell that to other peoples kids all the time when i'm watching them and i get well my mom lets me do it.. i simply say i'm not your mom and if your mom wants to let you do it then she can go ahead but i'm not taking the chance of you kids getting hurt. so with me its by my rules not mom. i'm sure their father would agree with this too. there mother shouldn't be saying anything bad to the kids about you or their father thats wrong....i've been in lots of relationships where i didn't like the mother of the kids but i loved the kids to bits and i made it clear that it was my house my rules ....

Well gurl i hope for your sake it gets better but the only difference between me and you is the fact i had three kids of my own going into my marriage with two step children and well i am now a single mom again i just couldnt take it. It was hell on earth. And you know if you plan on having kids of your own you may want to think long and hard on the impact on them. Jealousy big time will cause alot more kaos then is going on now. Good luck maybe it will be different for you i hope it is. Sorry for being so neg ok.

i think if it were me I would try and make friends with them and let their mum and dad do the discipline bit , once they get to know and trust you then you could relax a bit more , xx

I have a step-mom....and I HATE her. So, if you don't want to make the children hate you....don't take on any form of someone who can discipline them. It is NOT your place. It is there father's and mother's place. Plus, give it time. They are not going to automatically accept you. Can you really blame them? I read in a book about divorce that step parents often see themselves as "healers of the family" but the children often believe there parents might get back together (denile). When the child realizes that the parents are not going to be back together...along with the step parents martyr behaviors...the child usually gets angry and causes conflict. Which makes the step parent feel even more like a victim.

You have a difficult life ahead and if you don't get the problem figured out before you marry, it will probably only get worse. I think your fiance should sit his children down and tell them that there will be certain rules in your household that they will be expected to obey. They may not be the same as those in their mother's house. He should also tell them that they are to show respect to you. After that, I would try to stay out of it as much as possible and let your husband handle problems with the kids. They aren't your kids and they already have a mother and a father so don't let yourself be caught in between. I wouldn't allow their mother to call and yell about anything at all. Just tell her that you or your husband will be happy to discuss things calmly with her, but no yelling or you will hang up the phone, and I would do just that. You can't control what she tells the kids about you, but if they are kids with normal intelligence, they will see for themselves that what she says is not true. Just ignore any reference to what she says about you. Good luck. I know you are going to need it, and a lot of patience.

Well, the thing about this is that you're also their mother now, whether they (the kids) or she (the mother) like it or not! You have a new title now...Step-mother! Which means that it won't be disrepectful of you to step in with your own techniques of parenting! These children will be spending plenty of time at your house (I'm assuming) because they'll be around their father maybe at least on weekends if not more?! Right!? So you don't have to let these children be disrespectful and disobedient in your home! If their mother wants to be childish and immature in telling these children that you're bad people right before they come over, then....let her! Depending on how old the children are, I'm sure you can win them over with kindness and love and show them that their mother is wrong about you guys! Eventually, as the children get older, they'll see what their mother was trying to do and know that she was wrong in her actions and they'll understand what was going on! So, basically she's making herself look stupid to these kids a little more everytime she acts in this behavior! I say Let Her! She's the one that looks like a fool! Good luck with the kids and congratulations on your new marriage!

Plese do not approach the children with pre-determined mind as they are bad. If you have a will you can change them. Shower your love to make them get into your path.

It sounds like you've gotten some great advice already, so I'll just wish you good luck. My mom recently remarried and is in a similar situation...maybe I should pass some of these tips on to her, as she is well and truly miserable because of the children, and lives for the times they aren't around. I feel so bad for her, and I hope you're not put into the same situation. Best of luck to you.