Comfortable With Friends Here?
By webeishere
@webeishere (36313)
United States
March 19, 2007 12:29pm CST
My Lot friends?
How comfortable have we gotten with our online friends on this site? Do you trust them enough to PM them with things you won’t discuss or tell family & friends in real life? Do we take them for granted that they are serious and will listen to us fully? Do we expect them to understand everything we talk about in out discussions on My Lot? Are we too at ease with the format of writing, revealing, and telling in cyber land that we don’t care who reads them? Are we too trustworthy of the friends we’ve acquired here as a result of our discussions? The reason I ask this today is I was surfing around & read 2 VERY personal discussions that I would never put up on a public forum like MyLot. I also received a PM from one friend on my list that also was too personal. I didn’t even bother to respond as I felt I’m not a “real” friend to this individual. I’m going to later though to suggest they talk with someone in the real world and not cybersville. I just found it a bit disturbing that these 3 episodes showed me there are some here whom rely on the cyber friends we have on MyLot. What do you feel about this type of actions here? Do you feel real comfortable with your MyLot friends to do the same? Do you feel these people are “true” friends? I mean yes a couple on my list are real friends as I know them in real life. I’m asking about the friends on your list that you never met and really don’t know a lot about other than the words here we see. Thanks in advance for all responses. I appreciate them all.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB!!
7 people like this
28 responses
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
19 Mar 07
HMMmmm.....
Online or offline, a friend is still a friend in my opinion. I think it is a fallacy that online friends are less real than offline friends.
Friendship is built upon sharing, upon communicating, upon understanding. The more you give and the more you receive, and the more you understand about each other, the more you will feel that friendship.
For people sharing via pm, I would think this is not much different from "real" offline friends sharing via emails or a phone call. If someone comes to you to discuss her problem, I honestly think that you should feel honored. After all, I don't think she had private messaged 200 friends about the same thing. Probably, you are the "lucky" 1 or among the lucky few.
For people sharing via public discussions, I grant that some might be just trying to get responses and hopefully get a few more cents. But I believe too that there are others who genuinely find it easier to talk over discussions (even though they are so public) than perhaps confiding in some offline friends.
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
19 Mar 07
Very well put. The PM was of a personal nature of the friends child. I don't know the child. I don't know their realtionship standings, I don't really know this "friend" except for the discussions they post & their responses to mine & comments made. So therefore I feel that this is not a friend in the "real" world as I know very little of them. I did feel honored then I felt embaressed that I was expected to know what to do with the childs problem not knowing the child ior the friend very well at all. That.s the point here. And I'm very happy that you're response is stated as it is. Very well worded (as usual)and greatly appreciated. Thanks once again for a great response.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
19 Mar 07
I would say that your friend was most probably expecting you to say some "nice words". Nothing too concrete was expected imo.
HAPPY POSTING TO GRANDPA BOB!! :P
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I have got a bunch of online friends. If this was real life, I wonder how many of them I would really want to have as friends. I know there are a few, that I would love to put in the real friends category.
ANd you are right, this is the cyber world, a world full of unknowns. People in our friends list may live down the road and be lying to us or trying to set us up or just fishing for information.
I put in a lot of personal stuff, but there are just somethings that will never make it to cyberspace. There are just somethings that I will never say outloud, not to myself of anyone else.
@rainbow (6761)
•
19 Mar 07
I know what you mean but I am quite attached to a few of my friends form here although we have never met.
I try to be honest and truthful in all my dealings here and like to think my friends are too.
I have a problem in that I hate to leave the home except for school runs and dog walking and rarely spend time with friends, except the one I walk the dog with. I avoid most trips if possible.
So you see most of my support system is here on mylot and my friends do mean a lot to me.
Some things are not comfortable to put us as a discussion but maybe the person who contacted you felt you would understand and help them, it's difficult to take on that responsibility for a stranger sometimes, and I'm sure that you can deal with this gentley and supportively if neccessary.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
19 Mar 07
It's someone who just recently requested friends of me. That's why it's strange. But as you I also have "friends" here that are great help and support. But the issues I'm referring to I would only discuss with someone "very" close to me. Thanks for responding.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
2 people like this
@kaplya (1578)
• India
19 Mar 07
though i think it's possible to find some good friends online be it this site or other places on the internet but it's really rare! as for me i usually don't trust my online friends when it comes to share something very personal because i just could not truly believe that the person would really understand my sentiments in the real terms or would find it as serious or important as they r to me! rather i feel comfortable to share these things with strangers as i don't expect any particular reply or sympathy from them as i would in a friend's case. with strangers one is only looking for advices and new thoughts with no string attached but with friends first things he is asking is sympathy and only after that the solution. on the funny part i fear what if i share everything with them and one day i get to meet them in real life? how embarrassing it would be then to confront them!?;)
as for those 2 incidents u mentioned as i said sometimes it's more easy to take the burden off urself before strangers rather then one's friend and close people. and about the pm one i think u r lucky to have such a sentimental friend who really trust u with her/his feelings. perhaps u r providing a father figure NO grandpa figure;) to ur friend which she/he lacks in real life!:)
2 people like this
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
I will be very straight with you here, grandpa. I am a very private person by nature. I don't easily share my thoughts and feelings even with real friends. I tend to choose whom I feel most comfortable with. Here at mylot, I treat my virtual friends the same way as my real friends. I gave my equal support, compassion and comfort to them. I am very passionate with friends grandpa. If you check on one of my previous thread, I'm too upset with some of my virtual friends that deleting them was necessary. I had come to know one virtual friend here that I'm beginning to share a little piece of my life. I know there's limitations in sharing our life. It doesn't mean that we don't trust them. But we should dissect closely just how sincere and honest our virtual friends are. We don't need to see them. We use our deep intuition and I happened to have that. If you are not comfortable with some of your online friends sharing their problem, I suggest you gently tell them that you can't be much help there. Maybe a little advise will do.
Happy posting, grandpa. :0
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Thank you very much. from seeing your discussions and responses here I got that you're not a very open individual. So even online our true sense shows through anyhow. LOL. The PM issue has been resolved etc. Thanks for your response again.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@prisidio (35)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
I don't have any friends on here yet (I've only been hear since last night) but I am more then willing to meet new people and talk to them one-on-one with regards to serious albeit non-personal information.
Simply put as long as you are on the internet your bound to encounter people asking you personal questions, finding out your true identity, etc. if you are very concerned about your own privacy, it's probably best not to engage in discussions and act more as a spectator.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
19 Mar 07
I wll and have talked about serious issues with friends here. But just not this personal as the discussion is about. Thanks for responding and have fun here on mylot.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
21 Mar 07
Well, I like some of the others think you can make and Create friendships with others online just as you do in person, and I am sure there are others here on myLot that communicate to where they know a lot about some of the other people they Chat with. If you feel like you can Trust another person, why not share your real life with them, and seek advice? Maybe some of these issues are so personal they feel talking about them online could be easier than offline. I know I have made a lot of Great friends online and some I have met in person, and plan on meeting another one of them really soon. As to myLot, I know personally one of my Referals, and have talked on the phone with a couple of others, and have met another person here in myLot last month. So to me, there are many advantages to developing a Friendship online.
1 person likes this
@unisis (1673)
• Indonesia
20 Mar 07
I have got a lot of online friends. If this was real life, I wonder how many of them I would really want to have as friends. I know there are a few, that I would love to put in the real friends category,and you are right, this is the cyber world, a world full of unknowns. People in our friends list may live down the road and be lying to us or trying to set us up or just fishing for information.
I put in a lot of personal stuff, but there are just somethings that will never make it to cyberspace. There are just somethings that I will never say outloud, not to myself of anyone else
I know what you mean but I am quite attached to a few of my friends form here although we have never met.
I try to be honest and truthful in all my dealings here and like to think my friends are too.
So you see most of my support system is here on mylot and my friends do mean a lot to me,somethings are not comfortable to put us as a discussion but maybe the person who contacted you felt you would understand and help them, it's difficult to take on that responsibility for a stranger sometimes, and I am sure that you can deal with this gentley and supportively if neccessary.
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Superb response. I feel the same way at times. These cyber friends are they the real thing, they a scam,they crooks, ya never know. But I tend to believe that Im not that naive to get hooked by that type of individual. LOL
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@minnie_98214 (10557)
• United States
23 Mar 07
Well some people dont have friends they can ask. And it can be easier to ask people who dont know you. Me personally i would never ask a personal question on a forum. Now ive have online friends i chat with on messanger i would ask but thats it.
1 person likes this
@ricknkae (1721)
• United States
20 Mar 07
I don't think "online" or offline" should be the discriminant here, but rather how far you exchange with that paerson.
What I mean is, if the "friendship" is only based on back and forth posting on the forum, I would probably not consider that as a rel riendship ... more like an acquaintance ...
On the other hand, if there were private messages, even maybe e-mails exchanges or msn or yahoo chats, then yes I believe you can built a real relationship, and thus a friendship on those basis
Should I mention that I mention my husband online ... and now we are a happy family when it all started with friendship ... ?
So yes I do believe you can make friends in mylot, but I would assume that you don't consider that person as a real "friend" maybe because the only exchanges you had with her were on the forum ...
But do you really think that you need to MEET someone to be his/her friend ?
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Mar 07
WTG. I've met a lot of people from online in the AA rooms. I would say there are great people here that can be great friends if given that chance. I didnt come online looking to mee others in person but it has happened & I love it. Thanks for the response also.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
1 person likes this
@manmaxman (850)
• India
20 Mar 07
no not much comfortable with the friends here due to the communication problem i m not know any one in mylot as a good friend i dont even know the correct name of them then how can i beleve to him or her
1 person likes this
@RachelleDD (823)
• Canada
20 Mar 07
I think some people are way too trusting, I am guilty of that myself sometimes, and I try to be careful...I find tho with Mylot that if I have something positive to share I want to share it...and if I have something terribly troubling me I want advice, it seems to me that in here in cyber land people just find it easier to discuss things that they wouldn't normally discuss outside in the real world...I do think that you can have some really honest to goodness true friends on here..because you share and talk and confide in them..and they confide in you as well..but when it all gets down to the brass tacks of it all, you can only hope that they are being as honest with you as you may be with them...and you know that "I" try to be careful..right?..hehe
As for your "new" friend seeking out some serious advice from you so early, thread with gentle footing, she/he may be seeking some genuine advice and you are a pretty popular fellow around these parts Bob...
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Mar 07
I don't believe that I'm popular around here. But that parts taken care of I hope. LOL Thanks fopr a great response also. Ive a few friends here on mylot that I feel realy good with also.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@deliciouslyjuicy (364)
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
as for me ive joned here in mylot because i want to earn a couple of cents and maybe get rich. lol
but really i come acrossed with a lot of friends who who asked me to be their friends. but im still thinking whether to approve them or not.
i dont really share my personal feelings with the friends that i have here in mylot for they dont know the real me, and that they dont know me at all. and i want a genuine friend who would be there to listen to and make sure that ill be alright.
mylot is a good site but for making friends for life? that would be not really a good thing.
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Mar 07
Any site can be good for mAKING FRIENDS. iT'S ALL A PERSONAL CHOICE ACTUALLY. i'VE A FEW HERE THAT i FEEL REALLY CLOSE TO. iVE SHARED A BIT OF MY LIFE THATS KIND OF PERSONAL. nOT TOO MUCH THOUGH. hAHAHA.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!
@beauty_heart200 (10)
• Indonesia
20 Mar 07
i am new comer on this site, but i feel comfort here .i can share many experience,or discuss with many friend that i dont know, but my lot friend really help me. i think they re true friend coz they give us response just with good purpose to help us. thanks
@kgwat70 (13387)
• United States
20 Mar 07
I have made some friends on here that I feel comfortable talking to about anything, whether online or in my personal life. They have been really nice to me and encouraged me and given me lots of great advice and suggestions. I trust my online friends more than i do with my local friends here. I also have met some of my previous online friends and trust them as well and have shared things with them that I do not talk about with people here.
1 person likes this
@greengal (4286)
• United States
20 Mar 07
To tell you frankly, the first time a friend sent me a PM wishing me Happy holidays, I was overwhelmed. It was beyond me to understand how a stranger could care for me and wish me good things. That's when I realized mylot is more than just the money...it is possible to make friends here who mean more than your friends outside mylot. It is true that the friends here can understand you better than anybody else. Most of the friends I have here were strangers to me and time and again I feel taken aback with their care and support. That is one strong reason why I come back for more on mylot every single day. Even if I am not posting or responding I want to log on and see what my friends have to say.
I have talked about my personal life to only one friend, someone whom I felt I could trust. I still find it hard to believe that "virtual" friends can be so close. We associate their discussions and responses with the kind of person they are. It shows what they think, feel, inside. i love mylot for the friends I've made here. I value each one.:)
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
20 Mar 07
I consider my internet friends, including my lot friends in a seperate catergory to friends I know in real life.
It is all too easy to feel comfortable with our internet friends. There are a few that I have felt very comfortable with, and possibly, on certain occasions pass on personal info to.
It's a difficult issue. While on one hand, you and others may be trying to build up an element of trust with internet friends, which is quite genuine, there are others who may have ulterior motives for attempting to build up net friendships.
A case in point, would be the discussion I started a few weeks back about the murder of a 15 year school girl from my daughters school. It transpires that she met these two men, Father & son, via the internet, My Space to be precise. Her entire relationship was built up on what they wrote, & she believed it all. Finally, she met them for the first, & last time...
Her murderers have been caught.
I don't want to put off people making genuine friends on the internet, but just uo be careful.
@cdparazo (5765)
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
UP to a certain degree I am comfortable Grandpa Bob and I trust that my friends here will reply or comment on my postings that are personal. I have friends here whose reply I always look forward to and they always never disappoint me. I feel that those friends are good and sensible people and whose opinion I start to value very much. However, I am not THAT comfortable yet for me to PM them.
@catcai (1056)
• Philippines
20 Mar 07
I for one am kind of comfortable opening up here at myLot, i just share a part of my life that i want to share not like im giving it all out here... I already gained someone i added as a friend here at mylot that eventually became my friend outside mylot as well, she asked to get my yahoo messenger so we could talk about our problems further because we were sort of in the same situation as of the moment... I do appreciate all the responses i get specially when im posting personal discussions regarding my dillemas and hurts, i just dont get to comment on every response i recieve.
Usually when i post a serious topic that involves a lot of my emotions and personality- i dont get that much response, and thats really ok, this is probably because the only ones that give that much time to respond to topics such as those are those who are sincere enough to give their views and I really really appreciate that.. at least im getting honest opinions and genuine concerns. ANd when i post serious topics, im really not in it for the money- i do really need the advice that these people are kind enough to give me and i value it a lot.
I guess im one of those who you would call- dependent on mylot friends, but what can i do? im staying at home, i have no job, no phoneline, friends are too busy working to hear me out, family too busy working for our living...chatting online just gives me a headache and no one out there seems to understand what im really going through, myLot was the only option left for me to vent out and seek counsel at..and it does work... =)
