Verbal Abuse... how do you deal with it?

I grew up being abused.. I put up a wall..a very big wall, and then cry to myself when I am alone.

Oh I really feel for you catcai. Both my parents were verbally abusive to me when I was a child and still continue to be so to this day. It's very very sad to hear that your mother says these things to you. My parents said similar things to me and in the end, for my own sanity, I had to cease all contact with them. Perhaps for your own peace of mind, you could stop contact with your mother for a while. Have you tried getting an explanation from her as to why she is saying such terrible and hurtful things to you? I really do hope things get better for you and take comfort in the fact that there are other people who have experienced this too and have survived! lol

I'd be telling my mother to shut the hell up. and remind her that I am what she made me. Where is your husband when she is saying these hateful things to you? does he not support you? He should also be telling her to stop being so vicious towards you.

Catcai you are having a hard time of it aren't you honey? I have never experienced this from my own mom but just a couple of points to make : youare right when you say you are more sensitive when you are pregnant I know I was and secondli if your mum is telling you you are wothless and an idiot then this IS verbal abuse. Hard as it is to believe though this doesn't mean that your mum doesn't love you, I remember from a previous discussion that your mum is under a lot of pressure to from the situation you are in and that must be hard for her with the way your family feel about it, this does not excuse what she says to you but please try to remember that she probably does not mean it and is just releiving the pressure she feels! I hope that things improve soon and everything else is well xx

Just ignore and don't take it so seriously coz if you do, it will not make you good and to your baby. Just live your life and prove to your mother that you are not who she thinks you are. As the quote says "Ignore those who can't be happy for you. The greatest revenge is success"... :) Or you can also talk to your mother and say what you feel or if it's hard, write her a letter and express there everything. All the hurts you have. Don't be too sad coz it will affect your baby. :) Good luck and stay happy!

It is hard to understand why some mothers are so self-centered while others are not. It is too bad your mom is so worried about her image that she is forgetting about what is more important---you and her future grandchild. Many young women try to find something that they do not have much of at home (love) in the arms of a man. I wish you were my daughter, and I could take you in my arms and give you a big hug. Maybe after the baby is born, things will get better when she sees her beautiful grandchild. Presently, is there any way you two can see a counselor or mediator to get some help in how to handle the conflicts? Good luck, and I will be praying for you, your mother, and your baby.

I don't know how can a real mother be so rude to their daughters. Have you tried to find out the root cause of her being so rude to you. Is there something that you did against her wishes. I think somewhere deep inside her heart she is deeply hurt and that is why she brings out all her frustration on you. There has to be some reason behind this. Real mother can only love her children, she cannot hurt her children specially with such verbal abuse and that too when you are pregnent. why does she feel you are disgrace for your family. (You don't have to tell me , it is your personal problem,)but think for yourself. And if there is no reason, then just talk to her straight and ask her why she is doing this to you. If she cannot behave like a mother, then their is no reason why should you behave like a daughter. Sort this out as it is having bad effect on your mind and indirectly on the baby.

verbal abuse is really painful and will last longer in your heart and mind than being physically abuse. i also heard some of the verbal abuse from my mom. its really painful and sometimes think that maybe my mom dont love me. but sometimes i think that maybe she only say those words because she's angry because even us sometimes could say bad words to someone who made us angry. maybe you have to be strong and think positively. dont dig too much on those words coz it would really ache your heart.

I kinda understand what your going through, but I'm being verbally abused by my husband. It hurts alot because Im sensitive, but everyday I feel as though I'm becoming stronger enough to just let it go...and take my son and leave where it would be safe for my son.

There's nothing more hurtful than facing words that become weapons. It can make us feel small. People are using harsh words to cover their own weaknesses. They may use words that are hostile enough with underlying messages. Verbal abuse remains hard to define and difficult to address. You said you're pregnant. Can you move out of somewhere for the meantime or stay at a friend's house. Your delicate condition might be affected if you continue to surround yourself with stress and pressure. I know its not easy and that you love your mother. But I think your mother is old enough to realize that she is not helping you well with her words. I wish you more courage in facing this dilemma.

Have you tried having a serious heart-to-heart talk with your Mum? Is she having problems of her own that makes her emotionally unstable? 2 ways you can deal with this. Either ignore it, or try to prove her wrong. I understand it is especially hard for you since it is your Mum. :/

First of all, there is no excuse for verbal abuse and whoever the person is that just told you that your mother is doing this because she loves you is garbage. Your mother has a problem and allowing it to continue will not change things. I'm not sure what your situation is financially - whether you are working or whatever but the father of the baby is required by law to support the child so you need to talk to someone about dealing with that. Secondly, if you are working and you can live on your own, then get out of your mother's place. I'd also suggest talking with a social worker to get you some help. You also need to put your foot down with your mother. My father verbally abused me for 30 years until I refused to see him until he stopped. I haven't seen him in eight years but our relationship is much improved over the phone. I live 1500 miles away so that's the only reason I'm not seeing him at this point. You need to make it clear to your mother that you are not her verbal punching bag and you have enough to deal with without her constantly putting you down. Since I don't know where you live, I'm not sure who to advise you to see but you really need to get some help and get away from your mother at this point. If you want further help, you can request to be my friend and then email me and let me know where you are so that maybe I can point you to an organization that can help you.

I can relate about my mom at times when she gets upset. Most of my family are from the Philippines and it has to do with being hot tempered. To me, I can handle it. If she says something to me I'll get back to her with her language but I don't cuss at her.

be reactive. telling her to just shut up wont help but somehow worsen the situation and you are left with two choices: leave the house or absorb all the verbal abuse. be passive. prove to her that you are worth it. prove to her that all she said against you are wrong. your mother loves you. shes just "somehow" disappointed at you.

Part of being an adult and responsible is to stand up for your feelings. Be mindful of hers though also. Tell her you understand her being upset that your pregnant, but if she wants to be in your life she can't be verbally abusing you because you are not going to allow your child to be around people who is going to talk like that about their mother. Tell her that you know that this isn't an idea situation, but its not the end of the world either. Many women are single parents. I was and still was able to meet someone who I am madly in love with. I had three kids and was divorced. I am happier now than ever before. Life has a story written out for each one of us on earth. Having my child, change who I was and how I led my life. My mother was alot like your mother at one time from what I was reading. I knew I was a good person, that had a future and she had not clue what she was talking about. I proved her wrong. I kept her out of my life till she could treat me like she should treat an adult daughter. You may need to do this to.

oh honey i am so sorry to hear that. no one should have to deal with being spoken to even if it is family. see that is the thing, people think because someone "loves" them that it is ok for them to treat them anyone they want too. that is not love even if your mother does it. you don't have to take that and i wouldn't. you don't have to be disrespectful but you can let her know that what she is doing is hurting you. then you have to get yourself a new place to stay. i am not sure how old you are but i would be working on a plan for me and my baby. you don't want your child to have to deal with what you had to deal with. just know that you are a wonderful person rather your mother knows it or not.

catcai, when did it become your responsibility to support your mother? I understand that you may want to help your mother out, but your mother is being a bit selfish. I understand your mother being disappointed that you became pregnant out of wedlock and before going abroad, but things happen, that is all a part of life. Just because you didn't go abroad and start supporting her, doesn't mean it won't still happen. Was she verbally abusive before you got pregnant, or just since? You are not worthless, useless, an idiot or any other abusive word she said, you are human and make mistakes like the rest of us, no human is perfect and she needs to realize this. You are your mother's child, not her supporter. It is and always will be your mothers responsibility to be there for you, not the other way around. You are not a baby anymore, you are a grown woman with a life of her own and your mother needs to let go and allow you to live that life. If your mother can not accept your pregnancy and stop with all the negativity, then you would be very wise to break all ties with her until she can see what she is doing and how it makes you feel. If you continue to be a part of her life while she is so abusive then it is only going to end up hurting your unborn baby. Mothers and Fathers are to love their children unconditionally and without abuse, both verbal and physical. Do not believe a word your mother says when she attacks you with words. Let her know how it makes you feel when she does and if it doesn't stop, then you need to break the ties from her. Verbal abuse hurts worse than physical, because it lasts for so much longer and you will have all these emotional scars that will affect how you treat your child too.

I sympathize with you catcai .. firstly because some one you loved has put you down so badly and doesnt even have the slightest of understanding .. and secondly that your mum is unable to take the guilt that her daughter has brought to her .. and her behaviour is justified catcai .. when you will become a mother u will know .. moreover who else will she remove all this anger on .. she has to listen harsh words so to say verbal abuse from people outside your home for what wrong deeds u have done .. its not at all easy for her to cope with such a situations .. my advice to u would be to just let her vent it out on u .. u become strong to face it .. once u deliver and the baby comes into your life everything would become fine . ur mum will more than be glad to nurture the kiddo .. meanwhile you can look in for some lucrative job opprotunities .. once you come back to normal u will have loads of responsibilites towards the kids moneywise .. so will want to help your mum help you raise the kiddo .. u are a brave girl to have come ahead to become a single mother .. few girls have such courage to lead their lives as they wish .. u could have easily aborted the kid but u didnt do such a merciless act .. once the kid is born tel ur mum that u couldnt put an end to something so beautiful and pure like your kid .. so u did not abort .. she will understand u .. since she too is a mother .. all the best .. in life .. live life queensize !! :)

Yes it is verbal abuse, but most likely your mother sounds like she doesn't even know that she is doing it, or that it hurts you when she does say it. Have you told your mother that saying these things hurts your feelings? If so, and she continues to say these things and won't listen to your very valid attempts to communicate with her as an adult, then you need to set up some boundaries with your mother. Be strong and firm with her. Tell her that she needs to stop treating you that way or you will have no further interaction with her, except for very minute interaction. You know, periods of time that you can handle, without getting stressed out. Being in that type of situation is not good for anyone, especially someone that is pregnant. Now is the time to think of you and the baby, and what is best for both of you. You shouldn't be having to deal with your mother's issues. Hope this helps. JennyB

Well, I dont know your story but maybe your mother was expecting more from you. And right now, you are too far from what she wanted you to become. What to do is just learn to let go. Whatever she says, just let it go for a while. Then try to catch up. Become what she wanted you to become or become something or someone. Someone she can be proud of. By that time, no more harsh words from her.