I have this friend....

Sounds like me about 6-7 years ago. It's very hard for her to make the decision to leave because he has put her down so much that she's starting to believe what he says (whether she realizes it or not). And being pregnant just makes it 10 times worse. She needs to leave and stay away from him...but she probably won't right away....Just encourage her as much as you can. Help her out with those babies as much as you can...All you can really do is just sit back and be her friend. Keep telling her that she's making it harder on herself by taking care of this man who can't treat her with any respect. Also remind her that she's going to have 3 children that talk to her the same way if she doesn't remove herself from that situation!!! I KNOW, CAUSE I HAVE 3 KIDS THAT DO IT TO ME! I wish I would of realized things a lot sooner in life!! I hope that somethings that I've said make sense. It's still early here, and I haven't even had a whole cup of coffee yet, lol. But, I'm trying!!! Send my love to her and her kids!!! I'll pray for them! I'm here whenever you need to talk! (or if she does) Take Care~ Stephanie

I am really sorry for your freind.But i think she is quite strong.One has to get out of such marriage as it really is very harmful for the woman as well as the children.She will manage & i think with freinds such as you it will not be too difficult.Such abuses should not be tolerated.

oh how horrible! i feel so bad for your friend, she feels stuck and i think i would too. and as good as a friend as you are, no matter what you tell her or what offers you make to her to help her get out of this bad situation, she isnt going to leave until she is ready. i have learned that no matter what anyone says or points out, we wont make a move until WE are ready to. even though its obvious that she would be so much better without him, she has to see this for herself. i hope she leaves soon, before he hurts her again, and then hurts the baby she is carrying. if anything happens to that baby, she is going to have a very guilty conscience. guys like that dont deserve to have a woman in thier lives. i had a friend who was in a similar situation, but there were no kids involved. she finally left him! i was so happy for her. but hers was a drastic move. here is what happend in that situation. she was the money maker, while he stayed at home sleeping the day away and drinking, and then beating her when she "talked back". she had already called the cops on him twice before, but never went thru with pressing charges against him, in fact, she always took him back, even picking him up from jail! well, her mom got very sick (lives in another state) and she took a week off of work to go visit her mom. her parents told her not to come if her bf was coming, so she went to visit without him. while she was out there, it opened her eyes to see that she could live without him. she realized that life could be great if he wasnt there to hold her back. after her week long visit, she came home to her very very drunk bf. she purposly pushed his buttons to get him to attack her. when he did, she called the cops and had him arrested. he was taken away. she had a little bit of time before they released him, so within one week, she packed her things, quit her job and drove back to her mom. even though her bf knows where she is, he cant go there becuase he has no money. and now her life is going great. i have never heard her sound so cheerful and full of life. she wonders why she never left sooner. i hope this story gives your friend a positive view of what can change. i know your friends' situation is a lot more complicated because of the kids and the business, but when someone really wants to make a change, it can be done. good luck to her, my heart goes out to her and her beautiful babies.

First of all I wouldn't call that a relationship at all.It is a compromise.And I personally believe that even a 1% compromise is not a relationship.Considering that ur friend hasn't left her husband yet despite the fact that he is Psychotic, shows that she's very beautiful from her heart.And it goes without saying that she deserves better.And though she is carrying her nxt baby,it is better for the children not to grow up looking at a father like that 'cos that obviously will make a troubled childhood.So if she stays still with him it not only is dangerous for her but more importantly for the children.So she has to make a decision now.I understand that sayin is easy doin is difficult.But it is only when she decides to do the difficult, that life becomes easy.So all the very best.

in any relationship there are going to be troubled or trying times but there are certain kinds of relationships that it would be much better if the couple werent involved with each other any longer. being in a relationship with someone who has physically hurt and verbally abuse you is certainly that kind of relationship that you need to get out of. having three kids and bringing them up in this kind environment doesnt help at all. it will put great pressure on the mom trying to balance taking care of the kids being abused by the husband. i know someone who raised her children on her own. she left her husband because she was physically abused and she never looked back. she worked tirelessly to put her children thru school and most importantly she was happy. women are stronger than most people think. in this era we see the rise of the independent woman. hopefully your friend makes the right choice for herself and for her kids. she's lucky to have a friend like you, spitfire. keep up being a great and supportive friend

No matter how you feel about your friends relationship, she needs to find the right answer. Being in this situation getting away is alot harder for the one living it. I just hope she does the right thing for her and the kids.

My older sister was in a bad situation where she had 4 kids at the time and they were taken from both her and her husband on account of abuse and neglect. Her ex would always be yelling and screaming at them as well as hitting the children. He didn't get around to hitting my sister til years later on. After my sister had terminated her rights and eventually got divorced from the looser she moved in with us. I know the situation that you are about to undertake. I give you all the credit for stepping in after all your only a friend and not a relative as the saying goes blood is thicker then water. I wish you and your friend lots of luck!

I think in these situations the hardest part is taking that first step and actually leaving because it's scary. It's great that you are there for her, there are many women who have nowhere to go, or no one to turn to. If she stays with her husband she will be miserable and scared. If she leaves it will be tough no doubt, but she will be bringing her kids into a better environment and be building a better future for herself..:)

you need to find the number for the abused womens shelter and ask if there is somebody that could talk to her ... At some point it sounds likeit will get dangerous again she needs out.. if she doesnt you need to call child services for those kids....maybe then she will see she needs out..

First of all it's scum not skum. Now, tell her to either terminate (spare me the outcry) or have the baby. Get on welfare and kick him out. It is not her problem he can't affor to live alone. LEAVE.

Verbal abuse is just as bad. She should not raise her kids like that. He works all day every day and only brings home 600 a month? So he is not helping with the kids and the house. He is not bringing home enough to live on. So she can't say she can't make it because she is doing it. Sometime divorce is the best thing for the kids and this is one of those times where it sounds like the kids would be better off without him.

Hi Spitfire - I was in an abusive marriage once upon a time, luckily for me I only had one child, not almost three, but believe be there is only one thing you can do and that is to be there for her when she needs you! See the trapeze artist in a circus - that is your friend at the moment , she is trying to stay in the air, desperately afraid if she makes the wrong move she will go hurtling towards the ground, and you are the safety net, far below just waiting ready to catch her if and when she does fall. You are right when you say she is doing it alone but it is SO scary to leave the relationship even though she knows it is so wrong for her and the children to put up with her husbands abuse and behaviour! Eventually the penny will drop into place and she will find the courage to change her life - I hope for her sake that this is REALLY soon, being alone is so much easier - I know from experience - and now I have a fantastic partner and family and my ex and I even get on as friends (even though that took 10 years) and he is a great dad to his son! Your friend is very lucky to have you Spitfire, hope you stay strong! xxx

she needs to get out of there now. He may become physically abusive again, and if that happens she may miscarry her baby. If shes scared of him, then when he is at work you and Stu need to go with her to her apartment, help her pack up her things and get her out of there. Dont leave any notes or anything for this creep, he'll figure it out. She just needs to leave, now and forever. He already got a second chance, now no more.

I do not think that it is appropriate for you to write about This friend's life on the computer, epecially when you are only a friend she has met and talked to on the phone and computer, you have never seen, what goes on in the home, as I have. She is a VERY good friend of mine, we have had ups and downs in our friendship, sure, but all good friendships do. He should for sure, be going to his aa meetings, that much we all know. But I am sure that when she talks to you about things that are wrong in her life, she just needs to vent, and get it out. Her hubby is not a total uselles skum as you would have everyone believe, I have been there in the mornings when he has time off and will get up with the boys get them fed, bathed and dressed so that she can sleep. I also see a man that goes to work for eight hours a day, then goes to work for her business, so that she can stay at home to get the rest that is deserved and required for her to be carrying their 3rd child together. Yes they have fights, some of them are down right nasty, however I have been there and witnessed a few of them and I can honestly say that there is fair give and take of the verbal kind. She does not think that he will raise a hand to her again, infact she knows he will not, because the only time he has ever and I mean ever raised a hand to her has been when he was drunk, and he no longer drinks and is sober. Perhaps you should come on down and spend some time here with her in her life to see what it is like before you cast any sort of judgement? I realize that u and I do not get along, and I had no intention of ever commenting to your posts out of respect for that fact, however when I see a post that doesn't "get it" right as far as the facts I feel that it is my place to say something, as I am around this friend and her family if not daily then pretty close to it. All relationships have issues, and to see how far they have come together makes my heart smile, they have worked hard to be what they can be, and they are growing and learning about love and their relationship together.