fear in mind

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How does one cope w/ the fear of knowing what they are capable of. I tend to have mindfully sick thought, and have desires to follow through, but never announce to others of what goes through my mind, or what actions I contemplate on committing. They are purely rage and hatred mixed with what could become bloodlust. I'm also very big, and can have a strong mass force to strike and overpower with. I do of coarse know my limits of who I should never anger. I'm also very intelligent, so I am able to quickly adapt to the situation in case things occur. But still to have all this going through my mind, it's fearful. I try harder than anything to live by honor, dignity, and respect. However i'm slowly loosing control and I dont want to slip. I try finding ways to release anger or hatred by punching objects that can handle attacks, such as my legs, or soon to be punching bag. Releaves only the energy, not feelings. How do I change all this, I need control. Also i can't go to anyone because being a middle child, and being the only male of the kids i've been ignored most my life causing a need to only do things myself. But again, how do I gain control on my anger and to hopefully stop thinking so mentally sickly?