Perhaps some may consider me cruel....

When I first started to read your post....I was like oh my God how could she....but then I got a little further and you are right.No child should treat their parent this way....but here is the thing I see happening.....you are getting a reaction to your actions. You are absolutely right that your daughter needs counseling....but you need it as well.You seem to have a lot of issues that you need to work through and at the moment you are dealing with those issues by lashing out. Please don't get me wrong.....I'm not trying in anyway to put you down....I just hate to see what you are going through and that it is ruinning your life and the relationship you have with your daughter. So my advice is....seek counseling now....don't wait. I wish you all the best!!!

You are not cruel. It is just all getting out of control. If your EX won't see that she needs counseling, then you take charge. Ask the courts to have it ordered that she needs to be revaluated. You should find one yourself for just the support and help. I don't know but what you wrote but it sound like all this could be fixed. If it helps, I was a pain the the rear end 13 year old, who grew out of it. Please don't blame or hold this againt her when she is older and wiser. She just sounds confused and needs help. Divorce is hard on kids.

The problem is that somewhere along the line you allowed her to take parental control away from you, and from that point on she learned that she could get away with being demanding, and being spoiled. Privileges by children are earned through mutual respect. We as parents do not have the right to kick our young children out, even when we are feeling the struggle and the angst they can create in us. Somewhere along the time you lost the boundaries that should have been put into place way before she was 13, and now you have a smart cookie that knows that her mom and dad do not see eye to eye, hence probably why they are not together raising her :), and now she has learned to push each of your buttons to get EXACTLY what she wants from each of you--teenage manipulation. I know you may not want to hear this, but these things are happening because somewhere along the line you had an inconsistent moment in your parenting, she saw the hole and she took advantage of it. You say things like I am tired of her not helping out and doing chores or you are tired of being broke because she wants and wants and wants--but in part you helped her get to that place--you didn't set up strong enough rules and consequences for not following them when she was way younger than 13--and now you have a hormonal teenaged girl who works you to her advantage like a little blood sucking vampire. I if change of custody and child support are going to bring you back into court--be level headed, gather all proper school documentations that show and reflect her lack of want to do school work--teacher comments etc. If you can, get her evaluated by the school psychologist and let him or her know a little bit about whats been happening at home with your daughter, the psychologist can speak to her and not even let on that you fueled the session by saying that teachers have brought it to their attention that they find her to be troubled lately and are concerned. This can possibly give you the amunition to force the courts to order her, you, and even her dad to get counseling. See if your area has a parenting skills workshop and get into it--it could be helpful for you to gain back strength and coping skills to deal with your daughter. If you show her you are giving up on her--she gets what she wants--POWER over you. I wrote an article on Mom's and their teenage daughters if you care to read it: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/18073/how_mothers_can_help_their_teenage.html Good luck with this situation, and I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time.

This is a scary situation you are in. It is difficult to have to fight every day in your own home with your own daughter. Putting up with violence from her is definitely not going to help the situation. She seems like she is totally out of control and does need help. Have you thought to take her to the doctor to get her checked for a chemical imbalance? This could attribute to her violent tendencies and depression. She sounds like a very sad and angry teen. This is why I suggested this. Hey, it might help. What else doesn't help is that the father is backing her behavior. What I do see on your side is that when I read this there is alot of I's and my's. This is my playstation, my computer, my food, my tv and so on. A kid see this and says to herself, there is no place for me here. This is all hers. I don't have an identity here. Trust me, I know how you feel and your at the end of your rope with the situation, but it was just an observation. So please don't be offended! Counseling is a definite for all of you involved. I would seriously talk to the court about this. Making these suggestions a reality at court will force your ex husband into action. I wish you all of the luck in the world.

to handle a tough kid is really a hard job specially when you are on bad terms with them. you are right that she need some advice. but she's your kid and its you who should be thinking of the way to calm her about you. it can be long and tough but it works in longer term. you need to develop communication with her, a friendly one though it will take time. if you are ready to let your ego go for some time, i am sure you can think of the ways to be friends with her which is the best policy. good luck!

ME,me,me,my,my,my is everything always about you? And to say you still had to watch the child! Thats your child isn't it? You gave birth to her didn't you? What you didn't realise that when you laid down to make her it was a life long commitment? If you have issues with your daughters father resolve them but, don't take it out on your daughter!! You have alienated your daughter far enough already. I realise you're trying to teach her responsibility but when you say to her "my food" how do you think she feels? I still get money off my mother or she gets it off me,I still eat out of mothers fridge & she expects it. Your children will be your children until the day you die. Face responsibility you're partially to blame for this mess. Resolve the issues you have with her father or at least learn to be civil with him for your daughter's sake.

there has been some great advice by previous posters and support for you which i think is great. i am not a parent but i understand where you are coming from. you mentioned domestic violence....if she saw it and was exposed to it, maybe her subconscious or even conscious mind believes that violence etc is a way to get what she wants or punish people for things that have gone wrong (in her mind) in her life...and she has had a life thats not so easy (as have many). i do agree though that it *may* be a bi-polar disorder and maybe a doctor's visit would help. i understand that it would be hard over there for you but are there community centres that help at all? not only are there many issues and much anger she is dealing with by the sounds of it, there is also the usual teenage stuff that kids have to deal with, and its not always as easy as we may think. times have changed (not in a great way either) and it seems real tough for kids nowadays - i know my friend is having issues with her teenage daughter too but has always tried her best with what she has been able to provide her kids. i really hope the courts can help you (and it would be nice if they ordered her dad to send her to therapy seeing he has the health insurance) i guess i cant offer heaps of advice but rather talk to your gp about her moods etc and maybe they will agree there is some mental health issue involved (bi-polar, chemical imbalance). im sure the stress isnt helping your condition either and i do hope that you can find a resolution soon. good luck and hugs

I agree with you on when you say that you should not be treated this way, but who ought her the ipod and the playstation? and for what reason were they bought? I mean I do believe that some children are uncontrolable but we also have to sit back and figure out how they became that way. I feel that you may be hoinh about things the wrong way she is only a child and you have said that yourself. I would never say to my child that they would have to move out of he did not help around the house and then you sit there and complain that her father wants to stop the child supposrt? can you blame him? Put yourself in his shoes, if she was living full time with him and u were paying the supposrt and he told her that she will have to move out if she didn't help out, i am sure you would have been right there saying i will take you in and blah blah blah. I just think you both are missing the big picture here. let her go live with her dad for awhile, maybe you bothe need a break from each other and it may do her some good too. but it does seem like she has an anger issue and it could do with you and her father not being together. Jusr my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.

I don't know if it helps at all but what you are experiencing is very common, especially for the age of your child. I have raised 2 great kids and am starting on raising 2 more girls with my boyfriend and what you are saying is so true. Girls are so much harder to raise than boys unsure if it is hormones or the drama that gets us, especially the mother/daughter relationship, which is complicated enough. The best thing you can do right now is be consistent with her, put your foot down and keep it down. Let your ex take you to court, the court's will see your side (they are used to this from this age group) and since there is no physical harm done with your daughter I am sure you will be fine (I know, years of doing the same thing with my ex). Take a deep breath Mom, you have a few more years of this wonderful behavior, just remember they don't stay this age forever. When my daughter was 16 years old and running away from home, staying with her father, making me spend thousands of dollars of clothes, electronics and cheerleading lessons (and I couldn't afford) a mental health professional told me to give her up to let her go, which I could never do. Today she is 27 years old graduating from college in May and has a beautiful 2.5 year old baby. Life has been a struggle, but I have always been there for her, through the bad and the good (and believe me we had a lot of bad) and today she tells me more than ever how sorry she is for behaving such a way and how much she appreciates me sticking by her. So tell your ex to take the high road and get on with your life with your daughter, she will get better after she gets worse. Good luck Mom~!

Hi Scorpiobabes, Is He requesting to have your daughter with him full-time? If he isn't how can he try and cut down child support. Being a single parent is extremely difficult - and teenagers are terrible to handle! However I don't understand this... "..I told her she couldn't come her any more...(coz all she does..." Doesn't she live with you full-time? & "She showed up my your door.." You know what - I've had 20 years of teenagers - not consecutively - lol - but they are hard work. Are you sure your daughter isn't 'just being a teen'? Is she angry about something? Kids can feel so rejected for the slightest reasons - and they usually lash out in imature ways. Have you ever lashed out at her - or walloped her in anger...? Yes, you are her mother - you should be in a position of trust, and respect - BUT NOT IN TOTAL CONTROL. My concern is that you referred to her as 'the child' on several occasions in your post. How long ago did you just put your head round the door (even if she was on the comp) and say, "I love you sweetheart-"? A little lovin n awl that... MC

Oh hun (hugs) this situation has gone from bad to worse and I think that now you have to put your foot down and get the Court to listen to you. Your daughter really needs the counselling, your ex has to be made to see the reality and take some responsibility. No parent should suffer at the hands of their own child, my son has ADHD and he regularly used to hit me until we got the help we needed for him. That help made all the difference in the world, and it can still turn your daughter around too. I really hope that this situation gets resolved for you soon.

Thank you for the best response hun, I hope everything is getting sorted out for you now.

Good for you! i say break her habits now while she is young so they don't continue into her older years. DOn't let her get away witht hat $hit. You don't need it. i wish i could tell you this was a phase, but it may or may not be. i DO know that often times children in the divorce situation act out. i hope she straightens out. Put her in anger management if you can. Call the authorities and see what they can tell you about getting it court ordered for her to go to sessions. There are steps you can take. Don't put up with your ex or his family, either. You don't have to.

The parent with residential custody gets support, if he wants to stop paying it he will have to take custody. Get control and do it now, sood she will be old enough that if the court asks her were she wants to live and she ways with him, then they will change it for her. Then you get to pay child support.

Gee, I dont blame you, (i'm sorry) but she sounds like a nasty piece of work. She has no respect what so ever. All I know that if she was mine I would give her a hiding like I got as a child, it soon knocked sense into me. How times have changed since i was growing, children were seen not heard and they had respect for elders, well I know I did.

I can't blame you. She seems to be playing you against her dad and until you stood up to her she was winning. By running to daddy every time she doesn't get what she wants she is playing a game. Her dad is helping her along by letting her control him. I don't blame you for standing up to her and it had to be done! Do you have joint custody or who has actual custody? If you have sole custody you get put her in counseling, right? It sounds like she needs it. Her behavior needs nipped in the bud before she gets much older and completely out of control. I hope you are able to get something done with her before it's to late! Getting her dad to step up would be a big help, but it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. He thinks he is being the "good guy" by "rescuing" her every time she doesn't get her way and that isn't helping her. He's enabling her to act out. Good luck!

It seems to me like your daughter is doing this because she enjoys watching you react. At 13 years old she should not be doing this and I feel that you're absolutely right when you state that she needs counseling. If she can't abide by your rules in your home then she deserves to find somewhere else to live. I do hope you get this sorted. As hard as this might be to believe, your daughter should settle down as she gets older. Right now, as a teen and as puberty kicks in in a big way she's testing the boundaries of what she can get away with. Hang in there, it WILL get better! I wish you the very best of luck in sorting this out.

I think you should have some serious talk with your ex regarding this, I'm beginning to picture your daughter as someone from omen or something- I'm sorry but she really does seem like a brat considering that you still try your best to give her what she wants, and yet she’s taking everything that you do for her for granted. This is a serious matter- and when your child grows up I'm sure that there will be much more problems and way more serious than the ones you have presented here. Clearly I see that the child has an issue of some sort- maybe you should try to send her in for counseling and find out what are the reasons that she’s being mean to you… Especially since your ex obviously doesn’t care that much. Yes you are the mother still and you have the right to do what you think is right for your child- I don’t think that asking her to do some chores is abusive- I think that’s fine- unless u physically hurt her or something in doing so, which I presume you don’t. This situation is just awful and I would really be very much hurt if someday my daughter becomes like that to me. Have you tried talking to your daughter? Maybe there are things that she’s been meaning to tell you… try talking to her heart to heart… I hope this gets resolved before it’s too late. I wish you strength and the best of luck! Take care…

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You are right she is your child and you have to set limits for yourself and your daughter. Seems to me that she is only doing these things as a control thing too. It is all in her age too, she is experimenting with what she can and cant get away with. Now is the time to put your foot down and stick with it. You do what is best for your daughter and dont worry about what her father or his family says. In the lng run, it will help you and her out. Good luck!

Discipline is important. I kind of look at kids in the same light as pets-- (yes, I said it but don't get offended until you read the rest of the sentence) if you let them have their way, they will expect it. If you stop the behavior before it becomes habit, then you, and they, will be better off. I see a very startling trend in today's youth in that they feel someone owes them something. What happened to a kid wanting a bicycle but having to wait a few months until the bills were caught up. You can't give them everything they want. You just can't. I did a lot of things by myself when I was growing up, including cook, wash my own clothes, do the dishes, etc. Now, my dad has two kids with a woman he is no longer seeing. She says it "weird" that he makes them clean their room and run the vacuum cleaner. Why not? What is the sense of raising lazy, slovenly, disrespectful children? I think if you teach them early on that they need to be responsible, then they will become useful members of society. If you let them walk all over you, they're liable to have a child when they're fifteen and lay up on welfare for the rest of their lives, all the while whining when you say no, I can't watch the grandkid tonight. I think that you should set rules and boundaries but you need to enforce them. I understand that you want and probably need help around the house. Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your daughter and your ex, who is undermining your authority and further encouraging her negative behavioral traits. And, if you can afford it, counseling is not a bad idea. I'm sure she has issues with the divorce.