Have you ever been in love with a bad person?
By meleng
@meleng (13)
Philippines
March 21, 2007 6:47pm CST
i have a boyfriend which i really love so much. He used to be a bad person as if he was like a warfreak guy and an alcoholic. Do you think people really change just for love? i know he loves me so much. he doesn't cheat on me. he took care of me when i was sick. he always brings me flowers every anniversary and valentines. he's always there for me. but whenever we argue about something which is not that big deal and nonsense issues, he just wanted to punch every guy that comes on his way and drinks a lot just to show me that he's mad. what if i can't take it anymore? Do you think i should stay with the guy and make our relationship work? or better to escape right now before he propose to me?
3 people like this
11 responses
@ChrisRock619 (1040)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I am a strong believer that true love can change what people might consider even the worse of people. However what you have to do is keep this in mind, history can and often times does repeat itself. So although someones changed now, doesn't mean they can't or won't go back to their old ways. Some people change for the rest of their life and some go back to their old bad ways. It's really hard to say which way it could go. Also if he's getting mad and drinking alot that's not good for a healthy relationship and often can lead to lots of mental and physical abuse. I'd be very careful. Personally I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone like that.
@ChrisRock619 (1040)
• United States
22 Mar 07
Well you can always put him through some tests to see if he messes up. Then that would be one way you could have reason to go on and get out. Or you can just talk to him and explain why you want to get out of the relationship. If you are worried he might try something bad then find a good friend you can trust to be their with you when you talk, or have them speak on your behalf. There are different ways to approach this. If you would like more advice I would be happy to talk with you more. you can email my at: windowslivechris@yahoo.com
@beautifulceiling (1300)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I think it's possible for people to change, but it's also pretty unlikely. Most people don't change. Please be very careful. He may be acting kindly toward you now, but if he is a violent person, that violence WILL eventually be directed toward you. Trust me, people who are violent are capable of controlling it when necessary. And from a male perspective, the dating period is often a time when they hold it in check only for it to come out later. After what I've experienced, my advice would be to pay close attention to this very bright red flag and get out. If you are determined to stay, though, please insist that you won't marry him without counseling first and make sure all your worries are addressed. After marriage, it's usually too late to do anything about it. And don't forget to listen to your head, not just your heart.
@meleng (13)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
wow. thanks for the response. the problem is, i don't know how to get out. i love his family as well as they love me. i love the company of his friends. i just don't know how to get out.. i don't want them to get mad at me. i was just thinking that maybe it's better that i'll see him with another girl just to get out. too bad.. i can't get out 'coz i still love him right now.
@beautifulceiling (1300)
• United States
22 Mar 07
What you're experiencing seems to you like something new and confusing, but sadly, it happens every day. It sounds like you don't feel assertive enough to leave him. Your worries about hurting other people's feelings seem right to you and generally that is a wonderful trait to have. It would be great if more people cared more about other people. But you have to take care of YOU! It's hard to hurt other people. But you matter just as much as they do! You can't sacrifice your life for someone else's happiness. For one thing, you'll end up being miserable and then neither one of you will be happy. If you don't feel strong enough to do it right now, try just putting it off for a while until you gather your courage. But don't let anyone talk you into anything until you're ready. Don't be pushed into marriage or anything else you aren't sure of. In the meantime, tell yourself that you're going to work on getting out (assuming that's what you want) and spend that time building your confidence and working on becoming more assertive. If you can afford counseling to work on these things that would be great. It will help you for the rest of your life. If you can't, then try getting some self-help books about assertiveness and/or relationships and work on it on your own. But giving in and marrying someone just to avoid hurting someone else is a terrible trap to fall into. Don't make the same mistake I did!
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
22 Mar 07
we all have a bad side and a good side...if youre saying that he used to be a bad person before..there is always room for a change..but i know there will always be a time that he might go back to being his bad side..we just dont know what will trigger that to come out..just be careful.
@gamerchick (33)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years. If you don't have complete trust, and fear for your life....LEAVE! Don't make the same mistake I did. I always promised myself that he would change. He got worse, and so did the black eyes, busted lips. For no reason at all he would go into a rage. The littlest things would piss him off. When they drink it's worse. Take my advice....If you have to question weather or not he's going to hit you...it's not worth it.
@Gargoyle0134 (1257)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I was in love with a bad guy once. He was a thief and always up to no good. Yet I liked him and he seemed to have a way to convince me it was all innocent and for fun.
He even ended up in jail for robbery, and I was dumb enough to write him for a year.
But for some reason.and becasue I went to college in that year..I grew up and got a good side-view. He came to visit me after he got out and his mom had given him money to make a fresh start. But instead..he gambled the money away and was broke. While he was with me only for a day, after I learned of that, I asked him to leave and have not seen him since. He wanted to know why and I told him, "You know..WHO would take his mom's cash knowing she did not have much..and blow it with no remorse!?" I knew then I would NOT want children or a family with him. He was not worth it. He had to go. (I have not seen him in almost 30 years now.)
I have heard now that he is married with grown children, that he settled down with a woman who would NOT put up with his nonsense and he has 4 kids and has a job ..it was for the best!
(Just ahd my own 25th aniversary with a great guy and we have 3 grown kids in college ...FATE?! LOL!)
The more women that let THIS bad guy you mentioned know that he's a slug..the better for them and for him! Kick him to the curb and move on.
@KiraSienna (45)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I don't want to be mean, but you need to wake up. If he is just doing that stuff to show you he is mad, he doesn't really love you. How old is he? Alot of people never change, especially guys. Most of them are who they are and will always be that way, no matter what you do. Who is the one suffering in the relationship, YOU! How does it make you feel when he acts like that?
@Juliephine (286)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I know it is possible for change! My husband of 14 years was a lot like that. I think if you truly love each other, talk to him about it. Let him know that there are other ways for him to show you or deal with the fact that he's mad. Maybe have some suggestions ready for him. The drinking and fighting is just what he normally does in those types of situations and it will take time to break the cycle once he realizes he still does it. Good luck to you.
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I think it's time to get out while you still can.
You can be miserable all by yourself. You do not need a man to help with that. Good luck to you, hon.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
22 Mar 07
I think you both should sit down and talk about his reaction to you when he goes off drinking. Maybe if you let him know that it bothers you, he will change his ways. I would also tell him that you are not sure how much longer you can handle him drinking when he is mad at you. Tell him that you really want to make the relationship work out but it going to take the both of you to do so. He may change for you. If not, then I would have to say to either put up with him the way he is or get out of the relationship if you can no longer deal with it. Make sure you tell him that you do not want to marry someone with that kind of beahavior.
@registerandearn (18)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 07
well, most the the time i fall in love with bad person because you can say that i am also a bad person in regards of guessing persons...lol... well the best part of the story is i fall in love with a girl who even dont want to talk to me just because of some missunderstandings or you can say that there is a hell of missapropriations in our relation ship
