do you ask your children if they love you or your spouse more?

That is a very bad thing to ask your children. What are they supposed to say? It is like you are tryig to get them to be more loyal to you than to your husband and since they don't want to dissappoint you to your face, of course they will say that they love you the most or that they love you both the same because they don't want you to be mad at them. My advice is never to put them in this position again.

Please don't ask your child who they love more. This can be damaging to not only the children but to your relationship as well. Its asking a child to choose between parents. I know when I was younger I would be asked that and I would always tell whichever parent asked that i loved them most. Children will love however and whoever they feel they want to. I understand that as being their mother you want them to love you most. But have you considered how that makes their father feel? It could be making him feel like less of a parent or that because they didn't come out of his tummy he isn't worth the love they have to give. Children will love you both for different reasons. Don't ask them to choose which they love MORE because they wont understand the difference between loving someone more or loving someone for a different reason. To give you an example. When i was young my parents were divorced so we would spend weekends at my dad's house. I loved mother my parents very much. But one day my father bought a huge swingset for the back yard. If you had asked me at that point who i loved more I would have said my father. Even though I still loved my mother just as much as my father. But I loved my dad for a different reason at that moment. Hope that helps.