Will you stay in the relationship or go IF....

Hi ladyluna..thanks for your reply Unfortunately, I am not the new girlfriend of the guy- I was actually the girlfriend of the guy for 5 yrs and I was the one who got pregnant- he left me in the relationship and told me he no longer loves me, unfortunately when he left- I wasn’t aware that I was already pregnant by then because I was too stressed out and depressed because of the break up. I thought the reason why my periods were missed is because I was depressed and too stressed. It does happen and I’ve consulted it with a doctor before I took an ultrasound later on. The doctor just told me to observe my period for a couple of months long and if I still don’t have it- return to her and have an ultrasound. SO then after a total of 4 months of waiting for my period it still didn’t come, I took a pregnancy test before going to my doctor just to make sure- I wasn’t pregnant, so I did and it came out negative-I went to the doctor and took my sonogram, and VOILA! It was confirmed that I was already 7 mos pregnant!, the doctor told me that the reason that the pregnancy test came out negative was because the baby was now in It's 3rd trimester! Something to do about the HCG titter… – At this point in time, my ex has been seeing his new girl friend for 5 months already- and I was getting slightly over him- and I was ok being just friends with him. Until came the news that I was pregnant- as soon as I found out- I called him and asked to see him- to talk about this- His initial reaction was to have the baby aborted… I was so crushed, that he would even think of that- like we haven't been together for 5 damn years! he told me that he couldn’t commit and that he will still chose to be with his girlfriend since I insisted on having the baby and besides he doesn’t love me anymore… I was soo devastated- It's like all the times we have been together meant nothing to him- My family was supposed to ask him to marry me- but seeing how he took this situation and how irresponsible he is- they just decided I'm better off without him and just asked him for his moral support instead since were sort of like friends anyway and because he couldn’t even afford to give financial support- His time was the only thing that was asked of him- so he can still take part in the pregnancy and in taking care of the baby- since we were both responsible for it whether we like it or not. We never told his parents about this because I know that if we did he might get kicked out of their house and his chances for fixing what’s left of his life will further slim down. I am giving him a chance to fix himself, and hope that someday he realizes his responsibility and hopefully comes to sense on what he should really be doing. BUT unfortunately- he’s not doing his end of the bargain- and I haven't seen him for almost 2 months now, he doesn’t even call… he told his girlfriend about the situation- the girlfriend is aware of our long relationship before and she kind of knows me too because we went to the same school- BUT she’s ok with it- she’s ok that the guy is practically hiding from me… She said that she understands what I'm going through because she herself was raised by a single mom and was full of angst with her father who left them to have another family- and she knows that having to raise a child on your own is very difficult… I really don’t know if she really does understand what I'm going through now- because if she did- I don’t know… I guess she just won’t give the guy up… That’s the story… I just wanted to know if you were the girlfriend- what would you typically do? Because I'm having a hard time understanding why she won’t consider giving way for me and the child, because if I was in her situation- no matter how much I love the guy- I will step aside. I don’t want to ruin their chances of having a family. I'm not saying this because I was the one who got pregnant- I'm saying this because I have already done it- I had an experience once with another boyfriend I had- he got his ex girlfriend pregnant- but he wanted to stay with me, I love him so much and he did choose me over the girl- but I wanted him to be responsible for what he did-and I don’t want the baby to grow up without even knowing his father- I chose to leave the relationship- and now he’s happily married with his ex and they now have 2 wonderful kids. I just didn’t know I would be having the same experience as well….

Oh Catcai, If I could reach through my monitor I would give you a great big hug. Well, I think you know my answer ... If I was the new gal I would step aside, trusting that all will unfold as it should. However, it seems like my concern about his lack of character may be in play here. You know him, and I don't. So, would your child be a better person for knowing him as 'Daddy'? If so, then you might want to have a sit down with the him and the new gal. Since you already know the other woman you may have a sense about whether she is honorable or not. You could try to lay out some guidelines and make this work as best as possible. I will say though, that it's an extremely rare set of individuals who could make this work without emotional turmoil. If you're not confident that he and she could make a commitment to put the best interests of the child before their own, then this creates a problem. The toughest decision here is whether or not to allow the man to play a role in the child's life. If his irresponsibility and lack of honor will bring your child a life of anguish, then perhaps it's best to walk away. Which leads me back to your original question. If she hasn't already stepped aside, or initiated a meeting with you to express her desire to prod the man to assume responsibility for his child, then the prospects of a selfless commitment from them aren't very good. Of course, you probably already know this, which breaks my heart. Is your family OK with you living and rearing your child with them? If so, you might do well to cry the tears, feel the pain, then let go ... with a commitment to enjoy your new life with your child, who despite all else, was begotten out of love. The first time your child grabs your little pinky you will find that the love for your child will override any other emotions you may be experiencing right now. Sending sincerest hopes for the best possible outcome for all!

Hi again luna... thank you for your response.. i really do appreciate it. Your right my greatest dillema right now is if i should let my ex take part in my baby's life-because as of now- he's not here, he doesn' even call to even ask whether i am still alive or something- so as of now, that i couldnt determine yet since i have not yet given birth- but my due is next month so from them i will give him a chance to show id he does deserve to be called the father of my child. AS of now i dont think i can handle sitting down with him and his current gf and having a talk on this because, i am so emotionally unstable as of the moment. Maybe when the baby is born, should the guy persist with his relationship with his GF but would like to take part in this- then maybe thats the time we can talk- but you knw what being pregnant alone is so hard enough. Unfortunately my mom isnt very happy with this pregnancy- she still blames me and belts out on me all her anger when she starts to have her angry spells.. and it does affect me very much- and i am often hurt- and i feel like no one wants me... and im abandoned and all alone. Our relatives doesnt know because my mom doesnt want them to know about this- because i will be ruining the family reputation and all... especially my moms reputation...i just hope i be able to get through this... thanks again for your comment.. take care.. =)

hi visi!, 1. He refuses to take responsibility- as in he even wanted to have the baby aborted in the first place, but he never told me he doesn't want to have a relationship with me- we were still friends when i found out i was pregnant with his baby, he just told me that he didnt love me enough to marry me. I don't know if he does still want to have anything to do with the child since i went on with having this baby- because i havent seen him for almost 2 months now. 2. im not the girlfriend- i was the ex.. but if i was- like i said- i would step aside no matter how much i love him because its the ethical thing to do- and besides, weve only been together for like 6 months- if time comes that he returns to me then great- i just dont want him to neglect the ex and the baby...

thank you for your reply wonderer... right now im not really thinking about where i am- im just curious to know if you were in the other girls position- if you were the current girlfriend.. what yould you do? would you continue on with your relationship with the guy or give him some space to think about it...?