Do you feel obligated to take care of family members who abused you?

I took care of my mother for 18 months before I decided that it was just too much, so I feel that with all the stress it puts on you, youre better off putting them in a nursing home.

That is a very tough question. But, like they say what goes around comes around, and if someone has abused you as a child they don't have a right to expect anything from you later on. I would also break loose and keep my distance from past abusers. I probably would wish them no harm, but I wouldn't want them as a noose around my neck, either.

My parents didn't abuse me, but if they had, I would not feel obligated to take care of them. I might contribute financially for their care, just because I have a tendency to not want anyone to suffer (even people who have abused me). But as far as taking them in personally and taking care of them, no. And I don't think you should feel guilty for however you feel. People who have not been abused will never understand what it does.

i understand what you feel about them...but you msut forgive those people who have abused you or whatever...try it and you can feel a light feeling as if some burden in your past have gone...i know its hard to forgive but give it a try...its not like an obligation i think but i think that it would be morally right to take care or at least put them in a welfare house or something which they will be taken care of...i know its hard to do so...but if it will happen to me...i will still do it..i mean put them in a special home to be taken care of..

I don't think you are obligated to take them into your home and care for them. I would check on them and try to make sure they were not homeless or anything like that, but I understand your reluctance to want them living with you.

nobody abused me so I don't even know what it feels like I think maybe they get what they deserve When they need help, and you are expected to quit a job or travel and disrupt your life. If your first thought is about abuse you might be way less likely to help em. The nest thing would be if you could try to fix it though. If I ever get with someone who was abused (if you mean rape and stuff like that) I would rather NOT meet the abusers, since I might hit em or something.

I dont know,,i havent been there yet,,but i will tell you that not a day goes by that idont think about this,.my mom and dad both abused me really bad..my dad he has made up for all the wrong he did to me..and appologized many times..and we talked about it.,things are great and hes my best friend..and yes for my dad..i would do anything for him..but my mom..she is just as mean and evil as she was when i was little..and nopw shes taking it out on my son..and he doesnt see her much..except holidays..unless we fight then too..she has been nothing but rude and unkind and hurtful to me..and honestly..i dont know if i can find it in my heart to care for her then..i love her..and shes my only mom..but..i just dont know if all that bad feelings could go away long enough for me to care for her.

Yes I do, I think its only right that we take care of them, if they are our parents, siblings or relatives then we must take care, even they have been bad to us, We need to obey Gods commandments the first one being Honour thy father and thy mother, to obey god is more important

I keep coming back to the old adage that states, treat your enemies with kindness. It will be like heaping hot coals upon their head. I am also reminded of the saying, treat your children with kindness, they will be the ones who choose your nursing home. I have seen enough nursing homes to know that some of them could end up being the worst treatment they have ever endured. I seriously doubt that you REALLY OWE THEM ANYTHING. Having never been abused, I have no idea how I would feel about this. I hope this gives you some food for thought.

I have never been abused, but had a friend who was ! being abused is never acceptable and from your own family its just sick i think as an adult i would cut the ties its obviously still very painful to see them!

I'm fortunate enough to never have experienced anything like that myself. Personally I would want to care for those that I love if they need it but I would probably do that by making sure they were cared for professionally as I have no real skill in that area. For anyone who has been abused by someone who now needs their care - I would say not to feel obligated. People who have been abusive do not deserve that kind of care in my opinion. I think it is fair that they realise that what they did in the past has had consequences and that they have created a situation where people do not want to care for them. It's as close to karma as we get in this life.

Any two people living together for a long time happen to see each others `s follies rather than good points! Even male female relationships are similar! there is an old story that goes like this: there was a prince who fell in love with a pauper. the king tried to convince the prince against it but the prince wouldn't budge. he was deeply in love with the girl. he thought he wouldn't stay alive without her for a moment. so the king decided to tie them together in a room for just 24 hours. first few minutes they enjoyed.they kissed and caressed each other . they were very happy. then they started sweating and then they had natures calls coming, at the end of the day they were so fed up of each other, they refused to look at each other when they parted! the moral of the story is: whoever stays together has differences and quarrels- call them tortures or abuse. whoever is in command at that moment so called tortures the weaker person. but in the commanders opinion what he is doing is the right thing. there are so many things which we do wrongly as children and then when we think of them after getting older if they are interpreted wrongly it seems like abuse. you try to put yourself in that person`s shoes and you might find you would have done the same thing in that situation. always remember -one day you are going to grow old and helpless and someone is going to neglect you because he thinks he was abused as a child by you! we have to mentally grow up some time- it is now or never. "when god solves your problems, you have faith in his abilities! when doesn't solve your problems he has faith in your abilities!"

i can understand you condition and how you are feeling but dont you relationshps make us complete and without them we are just incomplpete. just think if any one did something like that to you then how you will feel.just think on the surface of the things and relatives are there and even if they are ight or wrong they will be same.

Even though some of your relatives turned you down at some part of your life we are still obligated to them,we are still responsible to take good care of them,I still believe in taking care of my family members at time of despair because at some part of my life they were the ones who took care of me

I would take care of my parents, thought I haven't been abused. If they had allowed me to suffer abuse than i doubt I would as they had the power to protect me but didn't. I doubt I'd want to have anything to do with them once I was old enough. I know it sounds harsh but some things are just unforgiveable. Than again you might be a better person than me..:)

Okay when you first started this discussion I wasn't real sure what I would have done in this situation. I was leaning towards saying no. But as you know my mom was here for over a month because of being ill. I don't feel my obligation was to her though mor to the other people who love her and whom I love. So I would say it depends on the circumstances

No way would I feel obligated to take care of anyone who abused me. This is a tough situation and can cause great distress to anyone who suffered I am sure. Those who abused, or allowed it to happen, were in no way obligated to do it, so why should anyone feel obligated to help them? If anything you should feel an obligation to do the opposite, not that you would, just that I could fully understand a feeling like that.

Let us to be clear!The right reply is NO!! No one which hurt you in childhoon,or no one which don't take care for you to have a beauty childhood don't deserve a damn! I don't have such a members in my family,but i have zero tolerance for people which abuse of kids... My dear,is not a sin to make they all undserstand how much you was hurtful and how they was... augusta

thanksfully i never been abused, but i understand the feeling, I left the country 10 years ago and I still keep a "sort of " relation with them by calling sometimes, i still love them in a sense but i do really love more my friends, the ones who share my joy and tears ...

Well sorry to hear that. Since i was small until now i am supporting my parents financially. Its hard and i dont want to remember the things they did to me when i was young but i forgave them already because i love them. Love is powerful than hate. It vanishes when the years passed.