What do you do about people who invite you out or over and you don't want to go?
By Stringbean
@Stringbean (1273)
United States
March 24, 2007 7:43pm CST
There is a couple we know that every time we see them, they invite us over to dinner, or out to a restaurant, or to a movie, and we really don't enjoy being with them that much.
If we do accept an invitation, then we feel obligated to return the invitation and it just enourages them to continue asking.
They are nice people, and we don't want to hurt their feelings, but we just don't wish to spend more time with them. I thought that after we said no thank you 20 times or more, they would give up, but it is almost as though they are playing some kind of game to find out how many times they have to invite us to get us to accept?
3 people like this
7 responses
@Zo0mZo0m (1357)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Have you pondered the idea that they may have ulterior motives. Perhaps they're the kind of couple that participate in swinging. You never really know who people are until they reveal themselves to you. They seem kinda strange to me. After the first time you rejected my invitation I think I'd stop asking. Somethings seriously "wrong" with them. Be cautious.
1 person likes this
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
You have a point, but this couple seems harmless enough. Just overly friendly. We are a little old to be considered swinger material, and these people go to our church. They ask other people out, too, but I don't think too many take them up on the invitations. Thanks for commenting.
2 people like this
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Don't worry, I wasn't taking it wrong. You maybe be right about them being very lonesome. I would respond to their invitation if it didn't lead to twenty more. I have a few other things I like to do with my time. :)
2 people like this
@Zo0mZo0m (1357)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Please don't get me wrong I wasn't sayin' that you are swinger material. I'm just sayin' there are people who are as sweet as can be but live secret lives and like to turn others out. Or they maybe Very, Very lonely and desparate people.
1 person likes this
@lloydanthony111 (4698)
• United States
25 Mar 07
It's amazing that they haven't gotten the message yet. It sounds as if they are nice people who just want to be socialble.
I hope they find some friends who share the same things they like to do.
I don't blame you for not accepting their invitations if you don't really like being with them that much.
Lloyd
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Thanks for the comment lloydanthony. The one time we did accept, they asked again the next day and we just don't want to always be going somewhere. We are both in our 70's and ready to relax more at home.
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
28 Mar 07
I have given you a ++ rating on your post, as it is quite good. It will help you with you star.
That is a tough situation, as I know you do not want to hurt them. Sometimes, we must in a gently way, and that is hard. If they do not take the hint, you will have to explain to them that they are lovely people, but you prefer not to spend time together as you feel your lives are too different. Or some other excuse. It will hurt, but, they will be out of your lives. I had to do that with someone that I knew for 50 years. But, it was so impossible getting together with them, it had to be done. I just told her we have live our paths in two different directions and have nothing in common. Good luck.
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Thanks for the extra rating Margieanneart. I appreciate your sharing of your experience in a similar situation. You are probably right. The truth would be best, but I know it would upset them. My husband once told someone who ask if they could stop by and visit for a while that evening that we were pretty much loners, but thanks anyway. It solved the problem, but I had a hard time facing that couple for a long time afterwards. (It is the truth, but we do socialize now and then. We are in our mid-seventies now and sometimes just want to crawl into our jammies and lay around reading, computing, or watching TV for the evening rather than spend it entertaining. My mother would roll over in her grave if she had heard him.)
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
25 Mar 07
I would not go. I would tell them, Thank you so much for inviting us but we are up to going out. We will let you know when we are able to go.
1 person likes this
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
That might work with them I guess I have been too afraid of hurting their feelings. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@mariyamaka (931)
• India
26 Mar 07
i would flatle refuse without hurtin them like after i would realise they are just gettin too much i would tell them about my plans before their invitation..... its easy!
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
26 Mar 07
You make it sound easy. Maybe you should write an e-book about how to say no gracefully for all of us cowardly people out here. Thanks for your response.
@kurtbiewald (2625)
• United States
25 Mar 07
with that attitude I'm surprised they invite you at all
if somebody invites you, if you want to go , then say yes
if you really like being with somebody or some couple, do it every night or two
for some maybe once a week
once a month
whatever you like or don't
don't pretend you like being with someone if you don't , thats worse
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I would be much happier if that particular couple din't invite us at all. I am not talking about everyone that invites us somewhere. Just someone that we don't care to accept the invitation with. Do you always accept every invitation you get?
If you say no, what do you do if they just keep on asking over and over and over. That's what the question was. I didn't think it showed a poor attitude on my part one way or another.
2 people like this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I don't think that they are probably the type of people that you need to worry about. They are probably just lonely and looking for friends. I used to know a couple like that.
Instead of just saying "no thank you", have you tried adding that you had planned to spend some time alone together, but that you will see them at church on Sunday? It might work, you never know.
If it helps any, the couple I knew eventually gave up after I told them enough times that we had plans to be alone. They didn't stop the first time either, but I think they got the message.
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Thanks for your suggestion. I think they are nice, too. We just have never been much for socializing. I have a friend who isn't happy unless she is visiting someone or enteraining someone at her house every day. I would go insane.
