clothes comming back ruined
By poppoppop111
@poppoppop111 (5731)
Canada
March 25, 2007 5:38pm CST
my daughter goes to her father's every second weekend. if she wears her clothes over there he seems to leave it on all weekend and it comes back discusting and stained and he doens't wash them. she can wear clothes until she outgrouws them here but one weekend at her dad's and they are ruined. she leaves friday in the clothes she wore all day. he told me saturday she spilled something on it. i asked why she was still wearing it sat. he said oh she just put it on for a sec. ya right. then she comes home in the same clothes sunday. i don't get how this is healthy. the same underwear. i told him i wasn't sending her clothes there anymore and he had to replace the clothes he ruined and bring clothes to change her when he comes to pick her up. he can't follow this rule. he forgets all the time and has not paid to replace the clothes he ruined 6 months ago. i mention it and he blows me off. am i asking too much.
9 people like this
36 responses
@Stringbean (1273)
• United States
25 Mar 07
Pick out some worn out clothes for her to wear when she goes to see him, and, if she is old enough to dress herself, send a change of clothes just as ratty looking.
Maybe he will be embarrassed if his friends see her looking like that. Even if he says you sent her in them, they will think that he should have bought her something better to wear.
You can't do much about her wearing the same underwear all weekend, unless she is old enough to change them herself. I don't think it is necessarily unhealthy. When we were kids, we often wore the same clothes, including underclothes, for several days as everything had to be washed by hand.
4 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. she is 3 so can't really dress herself so i will try the old clothes idea. maybe it will give him an incentive to buy her clothes for at his house.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
That's good, but if he's not embarassed for his friends to see her as she is at his place, he won't be embarassed for them to see her in purposely ratty clothes.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
25 Mar 07
Some men do not have an ounce of domestication about them, they just don't think about some things, he probably doesn't even think about it, the domestic things of life are instilled in women , embedded almost like instinct not always the same for a man that is why they need us...:)
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
25 Mar 07
You are not asking too much. How old is your daughter. Is she old enough to take some responsibility? get her some clothes to just wear to her dads. Don't send her good ones. she won't die of dirty clothes. but do teach her to change her underclothes.
3 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
25 Mar 07
my daughter is 3 so she can't really remember to change her underwear or ask for a new pair for the next day. i can't wait until she's old enough to ask him and maybe he'll realize she doens't want to be dirty. thanks for the ideas. i'll send some old clothes from now on. maybe if he sees her in older not so pretty clothes he'll feel bad and buy her clothes for at his house.
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
26 Mar 07
How old is your daughter? Actually no matter how old, it is not hygenic to be wearing the same clothes for 3 days in a row. It is disgusting and can pose a health issue too. You need to tell him you'll stop sending your daughter over if this continues and if he creates a problem tell him you'll contact the social services or something. See if that brings about a change in his behavior towards your daughter's hygiene.
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
my daughter is only 3. she can't do it all by herself. he needs to help out with finding a change of clohtes.
@prestocaro (1251)
• United States
25 Mar 07
I can't believe this! So your kid doesn't get bathed all weekend!? Or she gets bathed, but your ex thinks it's OK to put her dirty underwear back on her? Weird. I'd probably talk to him, and then talk to his momma! I noticed in another post that you said your daughter sometimes spends weekends with her as well. No mother would ever let a child continue to wear dirty underwear. Gross! So perhaps she can scold him into submission. That is just wrong.
I think the previous suggestion about wearing old playclothes is a great one. Just send her ratty old stuff with her for the weekend, so if they are in shreds you can just toss them anyway. I'd also just stop trying to get him to pay for the clothes he has already ruined. He sounds like a jerk. I'm glad you aren't with him anymore!
2 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
we've gotten in so many arguments about the bathing situation as well. even basic needs like cutting her nails and stuff. he sayd he only has for for two weekends a month so his job is to play with her not take care of her needs. that's my job. i told him no your job is to be a parent, not a 3 year old playmate. he doens't understand what parenting means. it means taking care of her needs. it's been 2 years of fighting over this and nothing seems to change. i'm going to find some old clothes that arent' the best pack her a bag and start teaching her how to wash and clothe herself. pretty bad how i have to do this with a 3 year old so she can live comfterbly for the weekend.
his mother is just as bad. they live in a dirty house and just don't seem to wash or clean anything. it actually now states in our court documents that she isns't soposed to be left in that house cause they used to have a dog and leave the dog poop on the floor for days and never clean it up. and many more gross things like that. their house would make me sick to my stomach when i used to go visit. i used to refuse to go cause i'd through up just with the smell. anyway but right now he moved in there so he got the judge to say it's ok now cause it's for a little bit cause he has nowhere else to go but i've got children's aid looking into the problem.
1 person likes this
@prestocaro (1251)
• United States
26 Mar 07
It is sad that you are forced to put the responsibility of hygeine on the shoulders of your young daughter. It isn't as though being a responsible parent and having fun with your kid are mutually exclusive, but it sounds like your ex thinks so. Sounds like all you can do for the time being is give your little girl the skills she needs to be happy, clean, and safe and hope for the best.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Wow, I think I would have him knocked in the head..lol. That is not good her wearing the same underwear. It can cause her to get raw,get a urinary tract infection or even a yeast even because if she has the dirty clothes on you know she also hasn't taken a bath. I would send her in old play clothes so if he is to take her somewhere he would atleast have to change her then. I would use the same outfits also even if they are stained up. Have you tried OxyClean sometimes that helps with the stains I use that and Shout. Shout is great. I would maybe pick up some clothes at a yard sale real cheap and those would be the only ones allowed to go over there. It is not showing her a good example either letting her wear the clothes so long. Also he may not feel comfortable changing a girls clothes?
2 people like this
@Raissa1967 (801)
• Netherlands
26 Mar 07
What a mess. Does he wear cloths and underware for 3 days afther eachother also. What a filthy man. Mayby you can keep some old clothes sepparate for her to ware when she goes to her father. Does he pay childsupport? When he does you can't ask him for paying for the clothes I think. Men just think different about clothes and health than us women.
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
26 Mar 07
Oh boy what kind of father is he for leaving your little girls clothes on all weekend, that is no good at all. I know my husband would not allow this to happen to any of our children, he would change her clothes everyday and even wash the ones that were dirty. It certainly is not health to be wearing dirty clothes around. No I do not think that you are asking too much he has a responsibility to your daughter as she is also his daughter and should care about her more.
2 people like this
@gemini1960 (1161)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
im a man but i do care my children not like what you have describe above...maybe you msut instruct your daughter on what to do when her dress get dirty ...but first you must remind your ex-husband allthe time when your daughter is in his house to check her frequently..
@tomatoe39 (298)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Yea I agree, go to the local thrift store and buy her some clothes that u do not mind if they come back dirty or torn and may be he will get the hint
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I have experienced this many times. I would ask him, do you wear the same clothes for three days in a row? So why should your child? I would go to the thrift store and buy some cheap items to send over there with her. That way you aren't out the good clothes. I had to coach my daughter to clean herself and make sure she wore clean panties and clothes everyday. So every time she had to go visit I would coach her on how she was supposed to clean herself and change her clothes everyday, so she could be clean. Most times she did start doing it, but sometimes she didn't, at least it was a step up. I hope it improves with time!
2 people like this
@xxxcloudxxx (54)
• United States
26 Mar 07
This is the reason why my brother sends my nephew to his moms house in old clothes. They always return him in ones that are too small and with no shoes. So now my brother sends him to his mother in the same clothes they bring him in.
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
when he did change her clothes and send her back in something of his it was two sizes too small. i coulnd't beleive it. and i've even told him wear to buy cheap but nice clothes, there are 4 consingment stores in our town, but he's rather spend the money on himself then buy her clothes.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
No, you are not asking too much, and no this is not healthy. Her father needs to wake up and pay attention. He doesn't sound responsible enough to be a parent. your daughter deserves better than him.
2 people like this
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
26 Mar 07
Almost feels like my sister wrote this. She has the same problem with her daughter going to see her father every other weekend. She comes home smelling like smoke and her clothes are not washed or anything.
I guess they expect the mom to do it, like always. I don't see why they can't just do it for this short time they have with their child. How hard is it to make sure they come home clean and with clean clothes? Not hard at all. We make sure they pick them up clean, so return them clean.
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
26 Mar 07
OK--- let me ask a question-- I understand how upset you are-- as I would be too- But do you want your daughter in the same underwear all weekend?? Perhaps he won't buy clothes for her to wear there? If you send them won't she change them?? If you don't send them she will be forced to wear the same ones all the time. I'd pay the extra money for more clothes and really soak the ones that come home dirty-- just so my child was clean...
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I used to battle something very similar when my boys were young. You aren't being unreasonable, it is just that you seem to have an entirely different value system than your ex! Might as well pick your battles, and cave it to this one! As long as he is keeping her safe, then just send her rattiest play clothes. It is so depressing that a parent doesn't care if their child's underwear is clean...but there isn't much you can do until she is old enough to remember to change them herself. bless her heart.
2 people like this
@daniellegldn (255)
• Australia
26 Mar 07
Gosh I know where you are coming from,I am in the same position and the worst thing is my son is a little older and when I started sending him to his fathers in crappy clothes i would be more ashamed because I didnt want people to think I didnt look after him but its what I had to do it was costing me a fortune in clothing that would come back ruined so you just have to send her in crappy clothes and send crappy clothes with her and soon enough she will know to get changed and hopefully he will have a little more pride i the way she looks and start buying her nicer clothes or looking after the ones she has.My sons father took awhile but he does much better now because he was getting embarrased about the way he looked and my son knows better and would say things to his father that made him look stupid.It takes awhile but things will change,my son is now 9 and prefers to be with me wich suits me fine.
2 people like this
@jjwatson28 (572)
• United States
26 Mar 07
I say only let her wear play clothes when se go over there. That way your not replacing the good clothes
2 people like this
