Husband is couch Potato
By slickcut
@slickcut (8141)
United States
March 26, 2007 4:18pm CST
I would like to have your idea's on the subject of husbands that just want to stay home and does not like to go any place...My husband is just not interested in doing anything,he just wants to sit home...I am a person who likes people and loves doing things...I had a couple of friends visit me and they wanted to go hear the bamd that was in town,my husband did not want to go...So i went with my friends we had fun just us 3 girls,listening to the band,laughing and talking and had a few drinks...I love going places,and i have friends,my husband has no friends..I try to encourage him to get out,go fishing or do something..If he does go anywhere it is to the doctor,or grocery store,and i will go with him..I am not trying to do anything wrong,i am a very faithful person but i like to go to movies.and shopping etc.....Do you see any reason I have to sit home because hes a couch potato?????i did this for a very long time ,but i began to get depressed with staying inside day after day...I have no problem going shopping by myself or even going to eat by myself....I told my husband before i married him,not to try and put a noose around me because i like to have freedom to go when i want too...Before we married he was staying with his sick uncle for 14 years and he just acts so old..I do not want to separate because he is a good man,i just want to be able to have friends over and go places...He trust me and i trust him....So what would you do in this situation...Would you sit aroeund and act old or would you act your age and go when you want tooo...He has not given me any problems with this ,but i feel guilty going and leaving but i just cannot stay home constantly.....So what do you think and what would you do....Don't say try to get him out,I ahve done that..I actually made him go one time to a dance,he sit there like a mullet never opening his mouth and looking miserable and that put a downer on me...
9 people like this
26 responses
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
I would go out and have fun with my friends. I am sure that your husband, even though he prefers to stay home, does not always expect you to like it too, especially since you told him at the beginning not to expect you to always stay at home.
Some people don't know how to socialize very well. Maybe your husband was not very fun at the dance because he didn't really know what to do or think it was fun. Why not start him off with something that you think he would like, and just have him do it until he becomes comfortable enough to talk to other people without you there? Maybe something where there aren't going to be a lot of people, but just a few, like a community center class or something. If he has lived a rather reclusive life for a really long time, he probably has just sort of settled into one habit.
2 people like this
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I would pursue my own interests. I laid aside my "life" like that once for a "vegetable"-I won't ever do it again.
1 person likes this
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I am assuming he was like this when you married him. That would have made it hard for me to marry him. However, I can understand how it happens. Yet, when you marry someone the idea is to spend time doing things with him/her. I would be very frustrated. At least you know he is not cheating if he is at home. You have one life on this earth in the forum you are living now. I would go out and do things without any excuses. Just do it.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
28 Mar 07
well he did not show these traits before i married him or i would not have..however I go without him and he does not say anything.I do get frustrated sometimes and i just go out with friends or alone shopping.I do what you say,i suppose i was just asking if its ok to just leave him home.
@domesticengineer (576)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
If this matter is not really creating much problems with your relationship then I don't think there's a big need to change him or his habit of being a couch potato. Like you've said trust is in your relationship and I think that is a real blessing in a relationship because only few have that now. But you still have time to be together. Set special dates were you can have dinner together. You can still do this at home. Prepare your favorite dishes and make that day romantic. Make extraordinary things out of ordinary days. You'll see the difference. I learn not to expect too much from my husband but instead I concentrate on things that I can do and change for the better.
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Are you an internet potato? =)
If he doesn't want to go pffft. Leave him at home. I don't go out to eat with my girlfriend's parents every time they invite us. I like to everything and don't get out a lot. I like to work in my flower beds and that is satisfying to me. I don't need to go anywhere.
Before I started my company I used to do landscaping in flower beds for 10 hours then come home and work in mine until dark. I just don't have that much time to put into my flowers now.
However if your husband is not getting exercise it is detrimental to his health. He needs to do something other than sit. How about drag his azz to the store and pick out some flowers and make him help you. =) Then you can say we deserve a drink and make him go get out with you too. =)
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
28 Mar 07
i think what the problem is that my husband use to drink and party and go out a lot,and now he just wants to sit home...I never got to go places so I enjoy going places.I can drag him to the store and i do work my flower beds but he will sit on the porch and watch me and smoke..He don't help.I just go on and do things without him...He does not drink anymore.I have only been married to him 4 years and i think he was a big drinker at one time.
@aissha (2036)
• India
27 Mar 07
i think i know this situation as my husband is very much like that and he is only 33,he doesn't like to do things and will come up with very good excuse ,i waited fort good 4 yrs for him to change but i guess he is ahard nut,now i hv a group of my girls and it seem to growing bigger ,so,happy abt that ,but in weekends i hvto bear him and as an indian woman i'll wait till either becomes my type or i become couch potato.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
26 Mar 07
It would seem that you husband is a stay at home person, so let him be, and you can feel free to go out and have fun, I know it is not the ideal situation, but there appears to be a good trust between the two of you and so no harm done, I am sure if you husband objected to you going out with friends he would say so. and if he doesn't mind you inviting them over so much the better. You are right when you said you shouldn't leave him he is a very rare person and a keeper, There are a lot of women that can not move out of sight with out a fuss, So enjoy your self and keep inviting him but do not pressure him, If he is happy the way he is let it be. You know the old saying leave sleeping dogs lay. well don't try to fix something that isn't broken.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Yes,I know my first marriage,I could not leave his site without problems,but i think it was because he was doing wrong...I am a very trust worthy person and would never do anything wrong,and my husband knows this and he is also very trust worthy...He has never said anything about me going places.I always ask him to go ,but he refuses...You are right ,nothing is broke so I won't try to fix it
@smurfettewv (359)
• United States
27 Mar 07
ph honey my hubby and yours are long lost brothers i think lol
for me I just started going out with friends and after a while he got a little jealous and started taking me places and I invite couples over and at first he wouldnt talk or was quiet themn one day poof God changed him cause he talks and interacts somewaht now he still dont like going out but hey one thing at a time.
but no you dont have to be old or stay home but trey the invite friends over tactic one of them may have a hubby he could get along wioth
1 person likes this
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
27 Mar 07
My husband is the same way. He always says he got too much to do and it needs to be done well he's on the couch or chair watching tv sometimes he's asleep. I go over to him and asked him what's your problem and you said this and that he just replies and says I am just too lazy oh well I agree with him he is lazy.
1 person likes this
@rogen_andrei (638)
• Philippines
26 Mar 07
I can picture out my girlfriend in you, and myself in your husband..lol true, there are just people who don't appreciate going out in crowded places that much...and am one of them.. but since I knew my girlfriend even before I courted her that she can hardly stand staying just at home for ages, I manage to change a bit and go with her malling, and out of towns on weekends once in a while.
But for almost a year of being together now, we only have gone to a dance pub once.. but we enjoyed it though... we danced and had some drinks and after a couple of hours went home with some happy faces.
In your case, if your husband really won't go out no matter how hard you try convincing him, I guess it's just fine if you go out with your friends and enjoy yourself once in a while..but just don't do it too often and don't stay out too late... I should say, you should set yourself some limits and try not to give your husband a reason to suspect your going out with your friends coz that would eventually lead to some trouble. Godbless!
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
26 Mar 07
You shouldn't fee guilty going out. YOu are asking him to join you and he decides to stay home. This doens't mean you should be home too. If you want to have people over, why not have friends of your husbands and their wives. Start with a small group. Maybe he will see how much fun it is to be with people and start venturing out.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I suppose i feel guilty because in my first marriage I was not allowed to leave the house,and i was miserable..I would love to have his friends over but he does not have any friends and does not seem to want any..he thinks when you are married ,that you should be joined at the hip..I have been down that road and don't plan to go there again..I would like for him to go ,but he won't so I go...
@dlkuku (1935)
• United States
26 Mar 07
There is nothing wrong with you having friends and activities outside the marriage.
And there is nothing wrong with him wanting to stay home, some people are just homebodies.
Maybe he doesn't like to be around a lot of people that he doesn't feel like he has anything in common with. Have you asked him what he likes to do? Maybe his idea of a good time is different than yours. Maybe he would rather go, say, hiking with you instead of a party. Or a nice walk in a park.
Maybe you just need to sit down and talk with him and find things of common interest to do together once in a while to keep your marriage on track. I'm not saying stop doing your own thing, but once in a while it's nice and it's also beneficial to something with the one you love.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Yes that is so true...he is very much a home body,but sometimes i feel guilty leaving him,but thats just me...I have talked to him and he shows interest in fishing,and i like fishing too,but he never seems to want to go...But we have no problems with me going,he use to but i think he found that I am just like that so he don't make much of a fuss anymore...
@motherof35108 (192)
• United States
27 Mar 07
do not worry on what he is doing or not doing. if you want to go out and have fun with your friends then by al means do so. he will eventually get the hint that you are haveing fun and mabye he will wake up and join you and your friends. give him time he will come around.
1 person likes this
@tiffsmom2007 (279)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I have been where you are. I got with my husband ten years ago abd at first he liked to do stuff but then he got to where the only thing he did was work and when he came home he went out to his shop and stayed there til dark. When he did finally come in he just sat there "watching t.v." but he couldn't tell you what he just watched. I like going to the fair he hated it. One year I asked (begged) him to take me he said no. After thinking on it I told him they had demolition derbys all weekend at the fair, now we go every year, he watches the derby and has a good time, my child and I get to stay at the fair and have a good time. I know it's only once a year but now we both get to do something we like and still be at the same place.
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Just keep doing what you are doing. Maybe some day he will see that you are having fun and he may want to join you. I like to go places as well. But we seldom seem to have the extra money. Keep having fun and let him do what he enjoys doing, sitting a t home. There is nothing wrong with married people doing different things.
1 person likes this
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
27 Mar 07
If my husband was a couch potato I would let him sit there a 'veg' (pun intended) while I went on with my life! Life is too short to spend sitting on a couch. Sounds like there is sufficient trust for you to go ahead with the activities that interest you. Take your friends and enjoy life!
1 person likes this
@minerc (1373)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I do understand what you are talking about. My husband is the same way. I call him a home body, he will work outside and do things that need to get done around here but when it comes to going out even to the grocery store he doesnt like to go. I use to feel guilty when I would go some where without him. He would always tell me it was fine he wanted me to. Since I quit making a big deal about it and took his advice he has changed some if I am busy for a couple of weekends or so he will ask me to go out with him or he might even go to the grocery store with me without me asking him to. He wanted to see that new movie out the 300 I think thats what it was called, he said I probally wouldnt like it but he really wanted to see it, so I comprimised I made him take me to eat and then we seen the movie, I really did like it and we both were happy. I guess what I am saying is don't worry about it, when he needs you there he will make sure to let you know. Sometimes we need our own time alone, and men just need it more I guess. Enjoy yourself and don't worry, always let him know your plans and if he wants to go he will go if not then have fun. Good Luck.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
27 Mar 07
Honestly, it sounds to me like you already have it sorted.
You can't force your husband to do things if he doesn't want to, because that'll just make him miserable, as you already found out. At the same time, you don't want to stay indoors all the time and thats totally understandable.
If your husband and you trust each other, and he has no issues with you going out with your friends for a night on the town or whatever, then I say don't worry about things and do what you enjoy.
Life is too short to be wasted sitting around doing nothing, but if thats what your husband wants to do then it's his choice. Go out and experience what the world has to offer while you still can. You never know when your life might end.
1 person likes this
@daniellegldn (255)
• Australia
27 Mar 07
Gosh,I wouldnt be complaining,sounds like you are both together alot anyway because he doesnt work and if he doesnt mind you going out then thats great,I think you have the perfect situation,if the only problem is you feeling guilty then dont if he is ok with it then there is nothing to worry about,you have the best of both worlds.I have had a partner that was never home and I was getting really fed up with it,then i went through a stage where i always wanted to go out socializing so I stayed single for years so i could enjoy my live now I have a partner who loves just being home wich suits me fine as thats what i enjoy most too.Really it looks like you both knew one another and what you were like before you got married so its not like anyone is changing and also you will get to a point where you have had enough of being so sociable and just want to hang at home.Really I think you have nothing to worry about.
1 person likes this
@sirishadintyala (21)
•
27 Mar 07
My husband has never been a couch potato on me. He has always given me the ways to improve myself and encouraged me in doing and taking up new activities. He indeed allows me to develop on my own but gives support when really needed. He has great trust on me. Even if I end up in troubles on my decisions, hes always there to pull me out of the troubles and guides me getting into the fresh path and ways of improving where i actually went wrong.
1 person likes this
