Has God abandoned me.?
By 66jerseygirl
@66jerseygirl (3877)
United States
March 26, 2007 6:35pm CST
For years,i was a very devoted Christian.You just could not shake my belief in God and the afterlife but when I was in my late teens,my life went downhill.I will not go into detail except to say I began to question my faith in a god that let such horrific things happen to not only me,but to others nearby.I watched my life pass by while i became my mom's caregiver 24/7. I never got to date,or marry or do any thing that young people did because I was taking care of my mom. I saw people in happy relationships while I was stuck in a house where there was nothing but yelling and screaming.I hurt myself so many times trying to lift my mom up and down but i got no gratitude.
My mom passed on just about 2 years ago and I was hoping that things would change for the better but it didn't. My dad didn't give me a chance to get a job and get on my own before he decided to move to this wretched florida. I had no choice but to come with him.Things got no better here either.His health deteriorated so bad i have become his caregiver. I have been trying so desperately to get us back up to jersey but there is always something getting in the way.I had been an athiest for years but I had some things that happened to me that made me begin to wonder.For the first time in years i went to church and what happened? My lofe began to spiral out of control. The things that have been happening have been unbelievable.What have I done to deserve this life long pain?Was I right to believe that there is no God that would allow such suffering or has God just decided that I'm just not worth bothering with?Can someone please help me? I 'm sick of being in this pain.I'm sorry if I am rambling,I just had to get this off my chest.It's killing me.
2 people like this
7 responses
@maucute (979)
• Philippines
28 Mar 07
Don't lose your faith.. :) Trust in him, I always think that whenever a things goes wrong that makes me happy there will be something coming up better than it.. Actually, I'm sorry for the unhappiness that you've felt, I know it's hard because you also wanted to enjoy life as well as being in a relationship with someone. That's what I posted on my other discussion, would you blame him after things go wrong.. I'm know what you're feeling, you feel like every bad things just happened to you and you feel like because of that he neglected you.. Actually not, not only you suffered from it, many people does.. You could hire someone to take care of him in your behalf if you decided to look for a job, you could explain to him why you're doing it.. Let's just pray and hope for the best of you..
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
28 Mar 07
I am trying. I do work but can't afford to pay someone to care for him. I worry myself sick while i'm working and constantly call on him to check up. It would be such a relief if we could just get back to New Jersey.Please pray for us that we do .I think it would make us feel so much better,even if we were still going through a tough time.thanks for the support
1 person likes this
@maucute (979)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
You're really in a tough situation, I would probably have a hard time thinking what to do.. I guess if you really cared for someone you love, wherever you are you just can't stop worrying about them.. I feel for you, and will sure do pray for you and your dad.. I do hope it'll be ok soon.. :) Just take care always..
1 person likes this
@maucute (979)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
You're really in a tough situation, I would probably have a hard time thinking what to do.. I guess if you really cared for someone you love, wherever you are you just can't stop worrying about them.. I feel for you, and will sure do pray for you and your dad.. I do hope it'll be ok soon..:) Just take care always..
1 person likes this
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Oh honey, I am very sorry for your unhappiness. I will tell you this, do not blame God. He loves you. He does things His ways, and for His reasons. We cannot box or conform Him to the way want or expect things. Then the devil comes in and plants us to keep our soul from going to heaven. Do not let this happen. Just pray, and God will help you His way, in His time. God be with you dear.
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
27 Mar 07
thanks for the support Margieanne. I am trying to hold on to my faith but it is so hard. I have given up so much to take care of my parents and I have gotten nothing but pain but yet i see people around me who are selfish,dishonest,and mean get what ever they want. I haven't given up yet though
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
4 Apr 07
Just keep praying and look only to God. Thank you for the best response sugar.
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
5 Apr 07
you're very welcome and you deserved the best response big time. I will keep praying
@ColonelConclusive (316)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Hello Jersey Girl, it's been awhile since I've been on here. I'm sorry to hear you are so down. I'm not going to preach about what God means and what plans he has in store for you, for I truly do not know, but I believe without suffering there would be no compassion. And given the fact that I've read many of your posts and discussions, I know that you have a great deal of it. Hang in there, things WILL get better, especially for a person such as you.
BTW I'm sure things will get better for your Phils too!
1 person likes this
@ColonelConclusive (316)
• United States
10 Apr 07
They blew another one for you today. I was mad because I have Cole Hamels on my fantasy bball team and he pitched rather well, only to have the bullpen give up eight freaking runs in one inning, and spoil his win. Nice.
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
10 Apr 07
Thank you for the wonderful response.thanks for the compliment.I am not one to give up easily but sometimes I am sorely tempted.It would get alot better if I could get back to Jersey and PUT MY SIZE 6 1/2 SHOE UP THE PHILLIES BEHINDS . well,not the whole team,amainly the relief pitchers considering that most of the games they have lost,they were ahead til the relief pitchers took over. God,give me strength-It aint easy being a Philly fan!
@_hope_ (3902)
• Australia
28 Mar 07
It has been said that god only gives us what he knows we can bare . HELP I THINK HE HAS GIVEN ME A FEW OTHER PEOPLES SHARE AS WELL . Keep your faith jerseygirl you are only being tested as am i by the almighty and that things will get better always look to the future you have a wonderful family where there are others that don`t have this . The obsticles that he has put in my parth will undoubtably make me grow stronger from the experiences . I have often questioned him as to why he let certain things happen to me when i was little but now i see that i have a better understanding for those who have or are going through the same thing so maybe that was his reason i have no idea .But hang in there the road may be rough but it will have it`s smooth patches as well....((((SUPER HUGS ))))
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
28 Mar 07
thanks for the super hugs! I needed them.I will try to hang on but it's so hard. well,actually my family's part of the problem. We have always been semi-dysfunctional although in my book I 'm grateful for that becasue I would much rather be seim-dysfunctional then fully dysfunctional.I'm telling you,He would get us back to Jersey,he certainly would have my unwavering faith again. I don't know why you had any thing happen to you as a child .Only our God knows. Again thanks for the pep talk and I love your user name! How appropriate!
@natalie1981 (1995)
• Singapore
27 Mar 07
First off, may I just say that YOU ARE A VERY GOOD PERSON for taking care of your parents and not throwing them to nursing homes. A lot of people would just leave their parents in nursing homes so that they would not be burdened but I really admire you. God doesn't abandon people, He gives us this tasks coz he knows we can handle it. Those people you see who are selfish but are not suffering or anything, maybe they're not suffering now but when time comes they would carry their own burdens and they probably won't handle it as well as you do. Hang in there. Have faith coz when everything else is gone, faith is all that we can hang on to. Things WILL get better, you'll see.
1 person likes this
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
28 Mar 07
Thank you for the compliment.I really don't trust nursing homes plus my parents brought me into this world and i think I owe them. I'm wearing down though and it's getting harder and harder. I am trying not to lose my faith but it's a fight with the way things are going.I have been told that things will get better but I'm almost 41 but it hasn't yet. I need a miracle!
@graciela (147)
• Canada
5 Apr 07
God never abandons us. He never gives us problems that we cant take. He just have His own ways to make us a strong person. We just have to believe that everything that happens has a reason. I can imagine how much you have suffered but I think you made a great sacrifice for your family. You may not see your reward on earth but I'm sure,God will reward you when the time comes.
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
5 Apr 07
thank you for your kind words.I really needed to hear somthing positive. I am still hanging on !I haven't given up yet.god bless you and your family
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
27 Mar 07
This is very sad. You have devoted a good part of your life caring for your parents.
It looks like you are stuck in Florida for awhile, if you Dad won't move.
You need to get out & do others get. Get help & counselling.
If the Church can't help you, then try community services.
There should be an organisation that will give you respite from caring for your Dad.
When you have some respite, starting getting out. Go to a community service that will assist you in moving on with your life, one that will provided activities for you.
See a Doctor too, just in case.
Good Luck.
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Thanks so much for the advice. It's not that my dad doesn't want to move,he hates it here as much as I do,but we are in a waiting list.It seems like every time I am think I am gonna be able to get my dad back home,something bad happens again.
I had looked for places for help but there are very few.That's one of the reasons why I don't like it down here.Up in New Jersey there was all kinds of help for people in my position but down here ,very few.
Hopefully I will be able to getmy dad back home.Both my dad's regular doctor and his psychiatrist said to take him back home . MY dad's always telling me he could kick himself for coming down here.Maybe if we could back home,we would be able to laugh about our time dowm here..I haven't given up yet
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