I Need Marriage Advice
By coolchic101
@coolchic101 (848)
United States
March 26, 2007 11:12pm CST
I have been married to my spouse for over 4 years. Things are great between us, except, when we disagree on something or someone, it always turns into a fight. For example, my spouse has a habit of siding with other people I complain about, instead of seeing my side. He would always analyze the people I complain about and make it as though he can read their minds and make excuses for them and try to use their "excuses" against me. When he does that, I always ask him, "Why do you always make excuse for him/her? Can you read their minds? Are you a mind reader? How do you know what he/she was thinking? Why don't you see my side and go inside my head for a change?" And then he tells me to just let it go and tells me to calm down and he says that I'm making my life difficult. I tell him in order for me to let it go, I have to talk about it and I also tell him that he should never tell someone who's already mad and frustrated to calm down, it makes it worse. And I try not to be a hypocrite and I always tell him that I never behave like that when he complains about what someone did that he didn't like, I try to help resolve it, without taking the other person's side and see his side instead. And I know couples shouldn't go to bed angry with each other and my spouse knows that I am already mad but he doesn't have a problem going to bed and sleeping great, while I'm over here having sleep problems and crying myself to sleep and he doesn't mind NOT resolving issues with me and if I bring this issue up about me going to bed mad at him and him not helping me resolve this issue, it can get worse because he may not even listen to me and tune me out. How do I improve my marriage? What can I do to get my spouse to see my side and stop making excuses for the other people's side who I complain about? What can I do or tell my spouse that he needs to help resolve issues with me so I don't go to bed mad?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@xlyingxwhispersx (721)
• United States
27 Mar 07
I am engaged and I have the SAME exact problems =[ Im so sorry your going through this =[ I live with my grandmother, and we fight all the time, and I really want to talk to him about it to vent, and I always feel like he is siding with her, and I really just want him to listen and not make me feel like im always wrong. Everytime we fight he can just go right in bed and roll over and fall asleep and sleep the night away. I will cry, sometimes ball my eyes out and he just doesnt care or even wake up. Sometimes just a hug would help. When we discuss something it always turns into a fight and the fights arnt little either, they get pretty bad. I wish I could help you on how to improve it but im having the same problems, and it seems like no matter what I do nothing helps. Are you having lack of communication? I have mad a ultimatium with my fiance, and it was either you can care about me, and try to work this out AS A COUPLE, because it cant be one sided, or I cant take it anymore, and we are gonna have to go our seperate ways for a little. Tell him, its really messing you up that you get so upset you cry yourself to sleep, and its not for attention, its because your really hurting and something as simple as a hug would really help, and it would get rid of problems like this. Tell him the reason for talking to him about your problems is to vent, and he doesnt even nessisarilly have to side with you, but dont come out and say that you side with the other person, sometimes just listening helps a lot. I hope I helped. If ya want you can always message me!
@coolchic101 (848)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Exactly. I don't mind if he doesn't side with anyone but he always often sides with the other person I complain about. Most of the time, the other person did something wrong and that's what makes me complain about them in the first place to my spouse.
@coolchic101 (848)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Now it's hard for me to cry when I'm alone because no one else is watching me cry so what's the point of me crying?
@baronarthur (4187)
• Indonesia
27 Mar 07
That's the different between man and woman. You have been married a great man I guess. I think it's good for you that you have a spouse that could see more clearly in every situation. If we always see in one side, everything will be ruin. But, if we could see in two sides, we will understand why people create problems. One day we are right, but the other day we will be the bad one. So, I think you should love your spouse and use his 'negative response' as an advantages to see the problems more clearly. Maybe, you could sleep well too after the conversation and the long kissing.
