it is okay to allow kids to join in the duscussion with the eldersa?

Well, when I was younger I got to sit in on a lot of my parents and grandparents conversations. The rule was we had to be quiet and not rude. We were allowed to comment as long as it was something useful to the conversation, or question it if we didn't understand it. That's how we learned about our parents friends and older relations. I think as long as this young man was polite and you weren't talking about things that a 10 year old should not know about, then it was fine for him to be there. I'm sorry that you didn't feel comfortable with it. There is nothing wrong with the way you felt, we all have our opinions. :) Maybe you could speak with your friend about it the next time you visit.

My parents have never allowed us to be around them when there were visitors. We can't talk to them nor can we even show our faces. We have to keep ourselves in another room and keep very quiet or else we get really hard spankings once the visitors are gone. When we grew up, we got the shock of our lives. They expected us all of their 7 children to be well adjusted and be able to face and talk to people with adequacy! We were all thinking then, how on earth would they expect us to be able to do that when we were so used to be kept in closed doors and stay quiet when there are strangers coming to the house? When we were not to be heard at all when they are talking to friends? I tell you, I had such a hard time adjusting when I reached college. It was so difficult coping with different classmates for each subject. I don't know how to talk to them nor communicate with them properly. It seems that I usually say the wrong words because I get one look of disapproval after another. I hope that you get the picture now. It is not good that we do not allow our kids in our conversations. The important thing is, they do it politely and with due respect to the elders. For us Filipinos, the po and opo must always be heard coming from their mouths, no swearing, no curses - just plain respectful talks. That should be fine.

Unless it is a very adult conversation I prefer children to stay involved. I think it is healthy and educational for children to learn to discuss things with adults in a respectful way. It helps them to form opinions on things and articulate them in a positive way. I personally always encourage children into the conversation. If it was a personal topic or something that I didn't think appropriate I would invite the friend for coffee alone to talk. It was after all the childs home you were in.

I would say that this completely depends on the situation. If the subject being discussed is of an adult nature or simply doesn't concern the child, then of course the child should not be involved. I can't help wondering what else the child was supposed to do? Should the mother have ignored the child or sent them away in order to talk to you? Perhaps the best idea if you wish to talk privately is to take a toy for the child to play with outside, so they can be distracted by something fun. To be sent off somewhere alone would be like a punishment for them.

Personally I enjoy children and don't mind at all if they participate in the conversation. I've known some kids that really could be annoying to the point of actually trying to DOMINATE the conversation among a group of adults. That can be aggravating. But if a child is just sitting in the same room, and occasionally makes a comment, I see nothing wrong with that. If the conversation is for "adults only", perhaps the adults should have been the one to leave the room. The mother could have said something like, "Kevin, we're going into the kitchen to talk. You can watch TV in here if you want." I think that expecting the little boy to make himself scarce just because his mother had a visitor is a little unreasonable.

Depends on the kid and their relationship with their parent. As a child, and I should mention I'm an only child, my parents often tried to include me in discussions because they wanted me to gain social skills. I was expected to be able to make conversation with adults at any time, in fact that was a major part of my role at family functions: I kept the non-cooking adults talking while the meal was prepared. I did that from the ages of oh, maybe 7 to this day (I'm 23, probably I'll keep doing that until I have my own kitchen). If a child can be polite, then as long as it is not a private conversation I see no problem with it. If it is a private conversation, then a polite child would know that being asked to leave the room isn't a punishment or anything.

In our family we always joined in the conversations and if our parents wanted to talk without us they send us to clean our room or go out and play. I think if you feel uncomfortable talking in front of the son then you should come out and say so your friend will understand.

I always told my son to go play if my friend and I needed to talk. I think that is the way it should be. You know i as a parent did not get that many visits from my friends. As a parent I am with my child all the time and if we had something to talk about we could have done it before my friends visit or after. I let my child do his thing with his friends without budding in unless they are getting out of hand. So I feel as an adult his parent I should have the same respect..It is old fashion but a ethic that a lot more people (parents)should still use in our parenting skills. It cuts down on rudeness .I do believe that rude people that just bud into a discuss was one of them kids the handle his mommy dress strings .Which made him apart of her everyday moment to moment life. I got news for people/parents you can have your on space and still be a good mother or father. Have a child that is with you every moment sometime causes a controling adult..They have to be right there if the our person is talking and things... It is bad and I try to avoid my friend who who allows kids to come in and set down just to listen to what we are talking about. Sometimes adult talk is adult talk. It may not be anything dirty but still something you would only tell your friend not friend and child...

In Western society this has become a real problem, the proper place for children in society. This is much more deep rooted, and would need a lengthy discussion, to thoroughly explain the why's and how's. However to answere your question in the shortest and most direct way, I would want to have a talk with your friend privately, somewhere in a coffee lounge, away from her son. I would not hold back in any way, and would tell her that the boy would have to learn some basic rules in courtecy and tact, and there is also the question of respect. At that age it would be time that children learn to be more repsectful toward older ones and their privacy. I think that is not to much to ask? there is a time and place where children can join a conversation with any community,however it should be at the invitation of those concerned. You are not old fashioned, as this problem has nothing to do with old or new, you are quite entitled to some courtecy from others.

Hi there. I agree it can be annoying and rude to have a young one butt in on adults conversations. But let us face it, times are changing and somehow in someways, it is acceptable especially if the topics are general and not sensitive. Of course, should you and your friend wish to be alone you may mention it to your friend if she doesn't take the initiative to do so. Gone are the days where children are sent to their rooms because mommy has a friend she would like to talk to. Probably you and your friend ought to move in the den or something. Children now are given more freedom to express their thoughts.

In some family i see this kind of situation where we feel very uncomfortable and I think its not nice of their parents to allow their kids to be around when elder visitors are there. I think its the fault of the parents in bringing up the children like that. They need to teach their kid the manners that they should follow when people are around. My mom never allowed us to interup during their discussions with others so, its of no use sitting there listing to their discussions so we use to do our own work.

Since young we were trained by our parents that its not good to listen or to interrupt with elders discussions.So everytime my mom and dad are having discussions with thier friends or relatives they told us to go out and play or stay in our room.That's the reason perhaps why I also get irritated to those kids like that.Their parents must not tolerate that kind of attitude.It should be their responsibility to watch over thier kids.

It depends upon what the elders are discussing about. it is not that much serious that kids have to be out of this discussion.. Some disscusion would give them a lesson and some may give an negative impact. so in my opinion be aware of what u r discussing about and how much that topic of dicussion may impact kids mind.. njy!!!

Oh no, I don't believe that is too old fashion and maybe because that is how I am too. I have some specific people in my life who allow the same thing. I absolutely can not stand when a child thinks that he/she has the right to butt in to an adult conversation. I don't exclude my children from all conversations but sometimes there are times when I am trying to have an adult conversation and I will tell my children to go into their rooms, if it is something I don't want them to hear or think they need to be involved with. But if it is a conversation that is okay for the kids to hear, I still can't stand if a child is contantly interupting and giving thier input. Maybe I am just a mean grouch like that..but that is just how I feel about it. This happened with me not too long ago, I was discussing something with a family member and her daughter said.."what? I am lost" and made some other comments. I told her daughter, "well if I were talking to you then you would probably understand, but since I am talking to your mother right now and not you that is why you don't understand." She didn't say anything else during the conversation after that. Thanks for the post..very good discussion.

I find that very distastefull! The mother should have told the kid to go play or to go and do something! When I was growing up, and my parent's friends came over, (us kids) were told to go somewhere because grown ups were talking and kids have no business listening to them or hanging around !

its right children should not be allowed to participate in grown ups conversation or especially on parents ..not proper and an ethical..your not old fashioned on this sense..its the right attitude in dealing with kids on how to behave infront of visitors..

I'm sorry, but a child of 10 should never give his opinions during an adult conversation yet be in the same room. You came to see your friend - the adult. Greeting you at the door is one thing, but your friend should have sent him to go play somewhere else.

It's back to what of the meaning of child... Some Times we found childs but they have a mind bigger than elder... So we can allow to them to talk.... and we can let them talk to make them got useful of the discussion anyway it's back to child and back to elders

yes kids should be allowed to all the discussions because they also got good brain

It depends on what topics you are discussing with. If the discussion pertains to their family and this kid could share some answers on that particular one then it is alright for the kid to participate in the discussion. If the topic pertains to or mature in nature then they should not interfer into the discussion.