I'm being rush to get married
@missdaisy8125 (2)
United States
March 27, 2007 1:24pm CST
So exactly what my title says, I am being rushed to get married by my father and mother. I'm 25 and am very educated and I've been engaged...twice. I broke those engagements off because I wasn't ready. One engagement was when i was 19, the other when i was 23. My career is great and stuff and currently I'm involved in a taboo relationship with an ex co worker. He's not my boyfriend, he's my best friend and we just happen to have fun when we have time. I really want to stop THAT relationship and just start dating again so I can finally settle down but it's so hard. I really do want to get married and have the whole traditional american family thing but I'm confused because I really love my best friend and wish he would just marry me but of course, that's NEVER going to happen for reasons i don't care to mention on here. Should I just do what my dad tells me and just marry someone wealthy even if i'm not in love?? That option is completely available to me right now but I'd just prefer someone who I'm in love with as oppose to someone who I'm marrying for "security". Need advice!!!
3 people like this
7 responses
@repzkoopz (1895)
• Philippines
27 Mar 07
if you feel you're not ready, then don't get married! its you who needs to decide.
think about this... you're parents are your family!.. but they are not your life! you have a life of your own. and you need to make decisions for yourself and be responsible, specially with this delicate topic. its your future at stake here.
i just hope you make the right decision. take care! c",)
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
27 Mar 07
OH NO, never get married because your father wants you or because the man is wealthy. that will not be a happy marriage and I am sure that ur father wants you to be happy.
I am 26 and I am not even thinking about marriage right now, although I do have a bf and I have been with him for a year. None of us are ready and we will take the time we need and if someone thinks that it is weird or tries to push us - well that´s their problem.
We are happy as it is!
1 person likes this
@okn0tok (569)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Well..
You may want to ask why it is that you father thinks you must be married at all? Some people are not even cutout for marriage.
As far as being in a loveless marriage just for money, this is okay if you and who you are marrying BOTH understand that is what it is. Otherwise it is extremely unfair to both of you.
Then ask yourself, why be married? Do you enjoy your independence? Do you really need a spouse? Is money the most important thing in the world?
There is something I do to make a decision.
1.) I write down the belief/judgment
In this case: I should get married.
2.) I ask if its true, and if I say yes I ask myself if its absolutely true.
In this case: No unless someone can prove marriage is a fact that must be met to achieve happiness.
3.) Then I ask how would I feel without this belief/judgement? Can I see a stress free reason to keep it?
IN this case: Your answer may be free, happy and no!
4.) Then I turn it around. I turn the statement around for something truer than me.
In this case: I should not get married. Or My dad should get married. (I mean if he wants marriage so badly).
You get the idea. It lets you laugh about the things in life that don't need to cause stress.
Think of you life in these terms.
There are three kinds of business:
Your business: This is the business you have control over.
Their Business: This is anything in anyone life but your own.
Gods/The Universes Business: Things beyond your control
Who's business is it if you get married?
Yours.
Who's business it?
Yours.
So laugh and decide what you want and tell Dad, hey dad... mind your own business.
Whatever you decide I hope it brings you freedom and hapiness.
@Xenosian (11)
• Malaysia
15 Apr 07
Thanks for adding me as your friend so soon after I joined even though I don't know you.
I don't think you should be married to someone because of "security" reasons. As you mentioned, you are well educated and have the means to support yourself so marrying someone rich will not make much of a difference anyway unless money makes your world go round.
I feel that marriage should be built on a foundation of trust and love. I've seen marriages break down (both family and friends) due to the lack of feelings for one another. The situation is even worse when there are kids in tow. You may be able to put up with the person you were forced to marry in the beginning but everyone's patience has a limit and you will soon get tired of pretending to have a happy marriage. A happy ending will never be in sight.
It is better to prevent an unhappy marriage in the first place than to end one as divorce cases can sometimes get ugly. I feel that forced marriages are old-fashioned and short-sighted, and this coming from an Asian!!! We were known for fixed marriages but even "backward" countries like ours are no longer practicing it on a large scale. I'm surprised that it happens in America at this day and age.
@jonny5007 (13)
• United States
26 May 07
Thanks for adding me as your friend, by the way I appreciated your blog on internet scams. Anyway, you may like me for being brutally honest or not, nonetheless I'm still a friend. For starters, your dad CANNOT dictate to you who YOU should marry. But his concern does show that he wants the best for his daughter. Secondly, DO NOT EVER marry for MONEY, because when it's gone you won't have anything left to keep the marriage together, and when you have an abundance of it, it will be the driving force of your marriage. Thirdly, you should marry for "MORE" than love. Love is great, and it will last along time, but you need to make sure you are compatible with "the one" in several other areas before saying "I do". Is his personality awesome? Does he want the same things out of life that you do? Does he complete his goals, and have realistic expectations? He has to "almost" (since no one is perfect) meet your expectations of your "DREAM" husband. Because if not, after 5 or 10 years of marriage you will look back and possibly regret the choice you made. In closing, DON'T marry for money, fame, or fortune. Marry for Love, but go deeper than that marry someone that is totally compatible with you, will meet your expectations, and possibly be your Soul-Mate.
@nelly5 (1424)
• United States
27 Mar 07
Oh my goodness! No, you should not marry someone for money or because your father wants you to marry him. Really look at that person, could you handle being with that person every day for the rest of your life?? From the sounds of the situation you describe that you are involved with, you are certainly not ready to get married. Divorces can get very, very nasty!! I don't wish that on anyone. Please do not get married for anyone but yourself. Don't do it until you are ready. Sure the financial security may look nice but money can not buy happiness. He may be wealthy..but he could be a total jerk, you never know how he could be behind closed doors, therefore, I would recommend that you wait until you have found that person that you know very well and you are actually in love with before you marry. God Bless You.