what if you find a family member is gay? please help

Just leave it alone. If he wanted you and the family to know he was gay, he would of told you. I don't think it would be right of you to go and tell the family that he is gay. It's really not your right to tell anyone. You might not even have the correct information, but even if you do, it's still not your place to say anything. So I would leave it as it is and just don't say anything. Maybe in time he will come out and tell the family, but for now he doesn't want to tell anyone so I would just back down and just forget about it for now. It's his life, let him live it the way he wants. When he feels it's time to tell the family, he will. And next time, if you don't want to see something you might not like, then don't be snooping in his profile or laptop.

I don't think you should tell his parents. You came across it by accident, you shouldn't have gone through is profile in the first place. He obviously isn't ready to tell anyone yet. I think you should talk to him about it. Tell him that you found out and talk to him about it. Telling his parents will only make the situation worse.

You know, I read some of your comments, and it doesn't sound like this person being gay is the problem. The problem is that he's a jerk. If I were you, I would leave the whole "gay" part out of the whole thing, and just deal with his transgressions directly. His being gay has nothing to do with the fact that he is behaving in ways that are ridiculous, disrespectful, and harmful towards his family members. I think you should face the situation head-on, and try to get the family to present a united front along the lines of "shape up or ship out". Being gay isn't what makes him a problem. In fact, being gay doesn't say anything about him other than who he prefers to be involved with romantically or sexually. Please don't judge all gay people based on the example of this one person who is obviously just not behaving properly.

I don't think your problem is with him being gay. I think the problem is with the way he treats family. If he had been a lovable person (not the person you described) and you found out about his orientation maybe you would feel less disturbed.

You cannot be the one to tell his parents this news. I'm sorry but that is HIS place not yours. Maybe the reason he's kept it a secret is because he's aware that family members may have the same reaction that you have towards the news. I think you need to step out of the situation, you really shouldn't have gone through his profile, and regardless of what kind of person he is, he deserves the same respect that any human does. he IS human and he does have feelings. If you tell his parents, you may ruin the relationship completely and tear the family apart. I say let it be. He'll only come out when he's ready to.

I personally don't think you should do anything. He obviously isn't ready to tell the family yet and if you or your husband "let the cat of the bag" it could become ugly. He may feel that you invaded his privacy or he may not care - but I really think that the ball is still in his court and it should be left to him to decide whether or not to come out to the fam - he may feel its neccessary - really can't give a specific on him since I dont him but Id just stay calm, it doesn tchange your relationship, or him and hopefully not your love and care for him. All will happen in due time

It should be left alone by you. This is his business, and he will deal with it. You found it by accident, and you should not have seen his private affairs. So dear, for everyone concerned, don't say anything.

love him any way God does !it is hard to imagine but we need to remember that even whilst he hates the sin god still loves the sinner this man/boy has enough problems without his own family turning against him !I have several friends who are gay but remember this is just one aspect of thier lives they are still humans and we ned to remember Gods love and try to do likewise!

Why in the world would you tell his parents. It is simply a life style and when he is ready he will let his parents know. It is this kind of reaction that makes gay people stay hidden. Is his life style bothering you? Does he try to force you into the way that he lives? You infringed on his privacy. I have known people that live this kind of life style and they are good people. And no I am not into that kind of life style. I am happily married to a man for 34 years. I do not understand why you are making such a big deal out of it.

I myself am shocked at the number of gays and bisexuals in our society today. We may be shocked, but it's reality. And I don't think you can really change him. If he's gay, he's gay. If it's starting to affect your life, then you have a right to confront him about it. Otherwise, don't worry about it. It's his life.

Let him find the right moment to tell his parents. Telling them would just tell on yourself that you read his discussions. I would want to protect your relationship with your brother in law and not say anything. Just love him for who he is not for his lifestyle.

Would you have been any less shocked if he was having an "obscene discussion" with females? If you found Playboy magazines in his room? You should not tell his parents anything. It is up to him to come out to his family. When he does he needs their love and support, after all he is still the same person, just his lifestyle is different from theirs.

maybe he is ready to get married, just not to a woman you should not be spying on him when you spy on people and are then shocked by what you find, who's fault is that? Think about it seriously awhile? be supportive of him, and stop spying on him

I think you should not have intruded on his privacy at all and since you sneakily read up private conversations, now you must just keep quite, and I think he never told his family he is gay 'cos I am sure people are not ready and they are most probably going to be shocked the way you are! Being gay is as natural as being striaght it is in the genes and it has nothing to do with the guy being wired wrong! So my thoughts are you need to broaden up your mind, second forget the fact that you ever read his personal thoughts, third don't tell on him 'cos you are not going to be helping the situation in any way. And most important of all just accept him, irrespective of what the world is, I have always felt my family and friends are my world and the world outside only plays a tertiary role of society so I will not worry about what society thinks but I shall always want the blessings of my family. So leave the society be, 'cos the socety does not feed you or your family free , you earn it similarly at any point in life if you are in trouble you can not ask the society to come and help you tide over your hard times but believe me you can ask your Brother in law to help you so you take a side you want to support your brother inlaw through this or support the society and condemn him for something that is not even his choice to make in the first place? why don't you read up more on the subject so that you have more knowledge about the subject of being gay. Goodluck!