Do you trust your partner?
By diablouk
@diablouk (598)
March 29, 2007 5:48am CST
Some years ago I met someone and started a serious relationship with them. Eventually we moved in together and seemed to have a very happy life.
Both he and I used the internet to keep in touch with friends and family etc.
One day I came home to find him reading messages I had received and questioned him as to why he was reading my personal stuff. He claimed that he had come across the message by accident and was just interested to know what I had said about him and our relationship to friends he had never met.
As I had nothing to hide, I was not particularly concerned at the time but after a few weeks, I realised that he was doing this constantly while I was not around.
Eventually I discovered that he was reading my diary, steaming open post that I had received and regularly checking up on who I had called on my phone etc.
When I discovered this, it really changed the way I felt about the relationship and it broke up within days.
I never gave him cause to mistrust me and still dont understand why he felt the need to check up on me. What made it worse was he felt really injured when I told him that I could not trust him anymore because of his actions.
What do you think about this? Do you trust your partner or would you go reading thier diary and emails behind their backs?
2 people like this
25 responses
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
29 Mar 07
I am so sorry hun, this is such a sad thing to happen. Your partner must have felt very insecure if he felt he had to do such things. I wonder what made him feel he had to read your diary and your post? It would feel like a breach of trust if my partner did that. I wouldn't dream of looking at my partner's post and emails, and he doesn't look at mine.
@diablouk (598)
•
29 Mar 07
He was very insecure about our relationship and I took care to constantly reassure him that I was with him because I loved him.
Maybe he thought that reading my diary and messages etc would also provide reassurance, oblivious to the fact that what he was actually doing was creating a wedge in the relationship and making me not trust him at all.
I did discover years later that, towards the end of the relationship, he had been unfaithful once and I wonder now if he was concerned that someone else would tell me but I also found out that he had been reading my diary and messages more or less from the first days of our relationship
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
29 Mar 07
so perhaps guilt had a lot to do with it. Sorry to say this hun but you are probably a lot better off without him
@Xuenylom (84)
• Ethiopia
29 Mar 07
some people are like this... unrestingly jealous!
for me trust is very important in a relationship. being overjealous can kill a relation, because one cannot sleep well thinking that maybe the other is cheating, and the other cannot do anything with his life cos he always think the other will get suspicious...
the one that are jealous often are so because they themselves have something to hide... why did he feel injured when you said u didn't like his actions? maybe it is because truth hurts...
for me, if there's no trust in a relationship, then the relationshp can't be successful. Trusting the other gives liberty to both. doubting on every action the other do puts chains on both....
be careful!
1 person likes this
@manzician (4727)
• India
30 Mar 07
I have known my girlfriend for almost 1 year now. She had never been any other relationship before and whe she met she never thinks about anybody else. I trust her more than myself and I know she would never cheat me.
1 person likes this
@paulnet (748)
• India
30 Mar 07
When you are in love or in a relationship this happens most often. Sometimes you are insecured or anything else. The better solution is give your relationship a time 'n share everything. This way your relationship grows when you have nothing to hide.
1 person likes this
@7nicole1 (1633)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
Out of evreyone I have ever been with, my current girlfriend I can trust fully so no I dont read her mail and all that. We believe in privacy. If theres no trust then chances are the relationship wont work. Maybe he was checking up on you because he had something to hide or maybe he's just super jealous but either way you did the right thing by breaking up.
1 person likes this
@cachekitten (463)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
I trust my partner of course..and if he was going to check anything..its okay for me also. I know he trust me..and its not happening that he always checking what i am doing..
@akuler_ler (675)
• Malaysia
30 Mar 07
Yes, I trust my partners but not all time I trust them. I has a lot of partners. Bussiness partner and so on. I need to trust them because I need them to manage my work. But, sometimes they lied me. I know what they do outside me. In this case I will carefull with this person. About my life partner I belive them. They are my family. I love my family.
@Destiny007 (5805)
• United States
30 Mar 07
My wife and I trust each other.
Without trust there can be no relationship.
That is what caused my first marriage to fail, I could not trust my ex, and I will not be with someone I don't trust.
I have never felt the need to look at her email, and my email is just about all business related.
As we have separate pc's, if there is something I think she needs to see I will send it to her, although she does have the access to my email.
To me it isn't that big of a deal, although I do find it a bit irritating if she just goes into it. That rarely happens, so it isn't a problem and I don't have anything to hide anyway.
1 person likes this
@hottie0728 (1732)
• United States
30 Mar 07
Me and my bf had trust issues before but now...we shared each other emails. I dont't mind him checking up on me because I've got nothing to hide but I believe that email and cellfones are still a personal stuff that don't need to be shared with your partner. I admit that I'm a lil nosey on my bf's stuff because I know that there's something going on that he doesn't want to tell me. Somehow he made me sneeky because of his actions.
@sammelyn1 (24)
• Philippines
30 Mar 07
Well, it's really unprofessional reading other people's diary and messages and you were so sensitive because she's getting out of your way. That really makes you not to trust her. I think if you are really have a good relationship with your partner, those things can be settled by discussion and she should agree by not doing the same thing anymore. I hope your relationship with her will not be affected because of that. But, that would be impossible i think, because without trust you won't be having good relationship that later would end up to separation or divorce. There are cultures that accepts that action especially when a couple is so closed that they really share everything to their partner, as if they are one. That's really the spirit of marriage to become one.
1 person likes this
@bad1981 (799)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Yes, I do trust my partner because he hasnt given me any reason not to trust him yet. Everything he does, he does out in the open so it leaves nothing for me to question. Sneaking around to find out information if never fun, and I wouldnt like anyone doing that to me so I dont do it to my husband. Now, my husband has done this to me when he had no reason to question me either and it really hurt my feelings because I felt like my privacy was invaded for no reason.
1 person likes this
@tajinder_18 (324)
• Malaysia
29 Mar 07
maybe he feel insecure.after i being betrayed once i did feel that about my partner.moreover u said he is younger 16 yrs old than u.he just needed time to learn to trust people back again.but since u said u r better without him then just go on
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
29 Mar 07
gggrrrr my husband pulled something like that on me when we were still new in our relationship (not even together for 8 mths at the time) then pulled a real sneaky stunt again a couple yrs later and both times I lost my mind on him! In fact the second time I think was when we split up for 9 months come to think of it...Now some yrs later i still dont fully trust him and never will but he knows it and knows why (it wasnt totally his actions that cause me to feel this way mind you).....I may be married but nobody owns me and when I have something personal and private I expect it to be respected by EVERYONE in my life....and if its not...there WILL be hell to pay
1 person likes this
@allshookup (598)
• United States
29 Mar 07
I would surely let my fiancee look at anything he so desired. BUT--I would like him to let me know beforehand, and I'd even take an explanation afterwards if I wasn't around when he got the notion to go sniffin'. Then again, this is coming from someone much like your ex: I like to snoop. My fiancee gives me no reason to, either. I am very nosy and jealous and realize this is a problem!!! It's been about 2 weeks now that I haven't snooped. Hooray, maybe I need to start a support group with your ex.
@ARIANNELEXI (798)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
My husband and i are very open to each other. He is my husband, best friend, partner, parent and my enemy sometimes. My life is an open book to him. But there are times that you want to keep something in yourself but i cannot resist on telling him after few days because there something echoing in my mind and heart if i will kept somthing to myself.
@codywest (78)
•
29 Mar 07
I have had partners cheat on me in the past and its really hard to learn to trust someone because of that.
I know my partner would never cheat on me but I know that I have been bad in the past and have done stuff which makes it hard for him to trust me totally.
1 person likes this
