A strange old lady has moved into my house.
By weemam
@weemam (13372)
March 29, 2007 7:20am CST
I was sent this today by a very good friend , I know this old lady so well .. do you know her too???
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is , where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did note invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.
She is very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude.
I have tried screaming at her to stop it, but she just screams back, grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening!
She insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, NO! Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but that is not nearly enough.
In fact, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it is all gone. I certainly don't spend money that fast so I can only conclude that the old lady is pilfering from me.
You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just can't seem to keep that stuff in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth, but she better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and too make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight too.
For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She like to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so that they don't fit. Or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.
She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She had done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit and plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me!! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?
She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always on my computer too.
*SIGH*.......what's a body to do????
Pass this old lady along to your friends who have entered into the 50ish zone. Remember, you can't fight it so you may as well make fun of it!
18 people like this
27 responses
@kiwikidz (753)
• New Zealand
29 Mar 07
She must be the same old lady that has crept into my home also, except she is going to be 60 in a couple of months time and I suppose she will want to hog the limelight and do the party thing (which I personally can't stand) she has really taken over my home she adores my partner who is only 36 and she loves my grandchildren and great grandaughter to bits, she doesnt eat much though but is still putting on weight, she also hides the fact she colours her hair, and I'm sure I have seen her putting on sweatpants when she thinks shes alone. Could I send her back to you for a holiday, I'm sure she would love it before she retires.
5 people like this
@nageswari75 (675)
•
29 Mar 07
That is a great piece,weemam!I completely understand and know who that lady is as well.surprising how she takes us over all so easily.I wish we could do something about this old woman too!:)But I guess accepting her would be the best.hee hee
@keepermykitty (2573)
• Canada
30 Mar 07
That is so cool.
At first I was thinking This lady is losing her mind .
I was thinking maybe you thought you had a ghost or something along that matter .
Then I thought , OK could it be that you don`t remember a friend was over for a while (no way).
then I realized you were joking .
What a fool I am ...
This is so cute , where did you find it .
I told my sister to find it , she is also a Mylotter .
She will get a kick out of it .
GOOD GOING !!!!
4 people like this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I have seen something almost the same as this and she has also moved into my home. I keep telling her to leave as she is annoying me but next day there she is again. She must like it here.
4 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
You are so great. I have the exact problem, only my old lady had a wicked temper tantrum yesterday. she was so up set and volatile, the only way i could get her to calm down was by sending her to bed at 7:30 last night. Most of the time my old lady is pleasant company and I do enjoy having her around, as she can be good fun even with all her antics she does. We have even promised to cut down on the sweet stuff to get into shape for summer.
Thank you I love your concept as it is just plain true, and I am sure there will be so many others who will read it and see it as well. Well done, and let the strange old lady have a bit of fun on mylot as well Love ya
Robin
4 people like this
@shoelover (896)
• Australia
29 Mar 07
The little old lady that lives with me must have a great sense of humour as she has all these smile lines around her eyes. I have also noticed she is getting a few more white hairs than she used to have.
Thankyou weemam for sharing this. This lady seems to enjoy fooling people.
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
29 Mar 07
Oh this is so funny Weemam, how you are talking about our own reflextion in the mirror but it makes you think some times about what we really do see doesn't it!! Dear me this is so great this discussion about what we do really do in our own lives and always try to blame someone else when it really is us doing these strange and weird things to ourselves.
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Well, I haven't reached the 50-ish zone yet (40-ish, yes), but I still think I know her quite well myself. She always gets in my way too. AND she has found a way to give me all of her aches and pains. But so far, she is keeping her wrinkles to herself. THAT kind of sharing, I can do without! LOL Thanks for posting that. I got a good belly laugh out of it. (Now I'm gonna send it to my sister in law that's only 4 years older than I am! Teeheehee)
@marlyse (1056)
• Switzerland
29 Mar 07
hmmmm thanks weemam for bringing this to us. so i am very glad, because i stated ti think im silly. because this old swomanis here too and always up to mischief. but she turns 55 this year, but she take all over from me, the mirror, my fav clothes, even my hidden gems. i cant get rid oof her so i accept her now. but wait till i catched her, she could atlats a bit help in the household. lol thats a good was to express strange feelings hahahaha
@raydene (9871)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Me thinks Me know's that lady as she lives here too.
There used to be a tv show Alice with 3 waitresses working for this hilarious boss.The one woman said one day in her very Texas accent"Wellllllllll,Alllice,I hadd da finnnnyist thanng happen thiss mornnning ...I pulledd maaaa handd outttttta maaa sleeve and found ma Momma's Handdd theree instead of minnnnne!"
And I know how she feels because I've turned my lovely hands in and gained my Ma's wrinkled ones!
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
29 Mar 07
What a hoot! You are priceless. There I was thinking that I was the only one this had happened to-and I discover I'm not alone. I suppose it's a good thing that after 50 the eyesight grows a little dimmer. A person can only take so much realism!
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
30 Mar 07
that's mighty clever of the old lady weeman!!
i don't have her yet at home but she has sent her nagging, bitter, dissatisfied soul, her daughter i guess, to my house. LOL
you know, just a little acid test before actually coming...
3 people like this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
30 Mar 07
I am not yet in my 50´s not even in my 30´s but i will for sure save this *he he he* It made me smile and that was something i really needed today - thanx!
3 people like this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
29 Mar 07
LMAO..Sigh 50 you say? HMMM I am not quite 50 but fast approaching it and my answer to your wonderful post is simply this...If you are going to walk on thin Ice, you might as well dance:)))
Thank you me Wee friend for putting a whimsical twist to our aging dilemma.
3 people like this
@mshogrider67 (565)
• United States
30 Mar 07
I'm not 50ish yet but i can see that lady starting to move in around here. Thansk for sharing and hope you don't mind i shared it with some friends also.
@ChynaDoll (9)
• United States
29 Mar 07
Awww that is great! I think we all feel like that from time to time! Thanks for sharing with all of us...it brought a smile to my face.
3 people like this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
30 Mar 07
It's a really interesting piece, where after reading, As I read on, I seem to shiver. I seems so scary and my mind start imagining wild, until the last line. Phew! I was so relieved... I have many more years to prepare for it! Thanks for the reminder. It was a good one :)