here is the deal

I would be very honest with the boss. I would tell the boss as much as I want the nephew to have employment obviously I am not in any way going to be held responsible for him based on what I already know. Honesty is the best medicine here I think.

I must ask - why would you agree to be his referee? I wouldn't agree if I could not say positive things about someone because I would not like to be in a situation where I would lie. Also, it would be bad for your reputation too if he ends up being incompetant.

O that's a tough one. I'd prob just say that he was a nice guy, but that I didn't know how he was in the workplace!

Nope, i would tell the boss exactly how I felt about him but I would also tell the boss he is your nephew, so hopefully he can keep this talk confidentiel. I think the boss will understand and be thankful he didnt get stuck with someone who was lazy.

Since you are the person referring, you have no choice but to be impartial. If anything goes wrong, it is your reputation at stake. Relative or no, I guess you have to draw a line.

If I think he is suitable for the job, I will recommend him. He might be lazy or he might not have like the jobs before but this application might be different. Perhaps he really likes this job and apply for it? By putting you as a referee, I would think he trust you a lot. He might be relying on you to decide whether he gets the job or not. Which is his preference, I would check with him.

That is a Dilemma but I also want to say that it is awful that he has put you in that Position Now to your Question I would actually tell the truth as it could turn out that he messes up like he does and then it would look bad on you I know this sounds awful but I have been in that situation with a friend of my Sons and when I spoke to my Son, he told me to tell the truth I felt awful as I had known the lad for 10 years and he was my Sons best Friend But give him his Due he apologized for putting me in that Situation

Ouch..that is a toughie. Do you lie about your nephew, get him the job, and then look bad? or do you tell your boss the truth, and have your nephew, your sister and her husband mad at you? Well, i guess i'd tell the boss, he's a good guy, but i don't really know about his working habits. He's social, polite, etc. So, there, you're not really lying, but you're not telling the truth either, and nobody gets hurt!

What will you say? duh... he ain't heavy he's your brother. Go and give that greatest recommendation, He did his part, won't you give him the chance? this is just what he might be needing. Let go of your fears, give your brother the job he needs. You have given the ultimatum right?

Wow! That was so hard to answer mom winterose, kindda mind boggling situation. I think every person needs a chance to prove his worth and by giving him a recommendation he might landed a good job but I think before I do that I will talk with him first that my reputation was at stake in that situation and recommending him means giving him a chance to work and prove himself but if he fails to perform a good work then that will be the last time you will ever help him. Oh! that was my point of view if ever I was in that situation every person have different point of view because this is not a easy situation.

I would be completely honest with my boss and tell him the truth. It's better in the long run. I had a similar situation before with a friend. He was in a lot of trouble and needed a job bad. I talked my boss into getting him a position in my company. In the end, my friend ended up creating A LOT of trouble for me because he was so incompetent, lazy and a liar and I almost lost my job because of him. Your nephew might be different and he might want to take this opportunity to change his life around. But I guess you won't know this until you have a heart to heart talk with your nephew. And if he promises to do good, etc...maybe you can talk to your boss to give your nephew a chance but still be straight with your boss and tell him the whole situation instead of just painting a good picture for him. If your boss decides to give your nephew a chance knowing the circumstances, then, it's his call.

"You'd be lucky if you get him to work for you."

Usually references are supposed to be a person who is not related to him. You could tell the prospective boss, "Honestly, he's my nephew and I think he's a great kid, but he's never WORKED for me, so I don't know what to tell you!"

Whoa, what a challenge? I think I'd start by having a conversation with my nephew. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will be glad to recommend him but it's going to be up to him to keep the job. That means, he will have to pull his fair share of the load of work or when he gets fired, it will be his own doing. Tell him that you will not step in to save his butt so he will be on his own once he gets the job. Then, I would tell whomever asks you about him that you expect him to do a good job but he will have to keep the job based on merit and you expect them to treat him just like any other new comer.

I know you want to help him and your sister but I wouldn't do it at the expense of your own reputation with the company. When he screws up, you will look bad for recommending him. I would just be honest and leave it up to the boss. If he wants to give him a chance to grow up then it's all on him and not you. I wouldn't jeapordize my chances for advancement or raises for someone that I know to be unreliable. Your sister will just have to understand.

nope safe to say I AM the laziest person you ever met. Too tired and lazy to even read that entire post. Good Night. I have to rest because next Thursday I have to take out the recycling.