a broken heart makes no sound...

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a broken heart hurts more than anything else...yet it doesn't make a single sound when it's breaking... sometimes we don't know how badly we can mess up our lives by just one decision... what would you do if your decision turned your life into a never ending nightmare?? i broke up with this guy... almost 2 years ago.. my first boyfriend... the first guy in my life... even as a friend.. someone who loved me veryyy much... someone who i loved equally... someone who made my life perfect... someone who i could give up my life for anyday... he's going around with one of my best friends... i'm happy for them coz they're both awesome people... but it really breaks my heart... i guess i've never really moved on... i can't forget those long walks... those kisses and hugs... that closeness... that perfectness... that time when i couldn't want anything more from life... i messed up my life big time, i admit... he's moved on... but even today i can't see them holding hands... knowing that a 'drive' would mean kisses and love... i'm not a fool... i know it's all over... don't get me wrong.. i would never do anything to hurt their relationship coz they both mean a lot to me... but i can't deal with it anymore... i've done all i could... tried to move on... tried to be in love... tried to just forget it all... everything... it just hurts tooo much... the pain never goes away... i've even broken down in front of him and said sorry so it isn't the guilt that's holding me back... i just don't know what to do... please help... please...