we have custody of 11 yr old grandson

We were granteed custody of my grandson when he was six months olds and has been with us ever since, just within the last year the sperm donor has come in has caused nothing but stress on this child, he even told the child he didn't want anything to with him when he was born because he didn't want to face any charges since my daughter was 15 and he was 19. Custody I have, and this child has been a good kid, well loved, a steady home, good grades, and now he is seeing a counselor his grades are dropping, my grandson told me that he does not feel like he's missing anything in his life so why does he have to go with him. He's scared he will have to go live with the sperm donor who whipped him about a month ago with a belt.

You have to lodge a complaint then.

Since you have had custody for so long and he has not lifted a finger to help you support your grandchild, he probably will not en dup with custody. When they do the custody evaluation all the bad things come out (it can be messier and worse than going thorugh the divorce). The judge will talk to your grandchild and find out whast he wants to do. I understand that you are worried, but since you have provided a stable home fore your grandchild for so long, I would not be concerned about him being taken away.

we did get counsel, now we have to have a custody evaluation. but in the meantime the child has to endure the sperm donors talk of what he is gonna do, and from what we are told everytime he comes home, it sounds like the sperm donor is ticked off because we have had him all these years. he has even told me i should have looked for him to let him know about the child, odd though he said he didn't want to face charges for anything, so he knew.

You need to contact the police about the sperm donor whipping your child. My in-laws did the same thing and from what I heard that child is as good as your natural chi9ldren to you. Those parents signed away their rights. The sperm donor needs to have charges brought against him for hitting YOUR child!!

Thank you all for your kind and helpful words. I already know that telling him what to tell the shrink is wrong, I just tell him to tell the truth and how he feels about it all. This child may not be my birth child but since we have had him since he was born and legal custody since he was six months old, he has taken a place in our hearts and lives as if he is the fourth child, the SD doesn't realize that all the bonding years are over, we not only bonded as grandparents and granechild, we also bonded as parents and child, so our bond is much more special, we have bonds from all directions. He is our benificary on our insurance polocies, on my stocks through the company I work for, I am about to start a 401 through my company and he and my husband will be the benificary, he is on my insurance, we supply everything he needs, the SD told him two weeks ago that when he goes this weekend to bring some dress cloths and leave them over there, I got news for him, he isn't paying any support of any kind, helps in no way for his needs, if he wants dress cloths then he needs to go buy them, I am not making his job any easier. I refuse to tell my grandson what to say to the shrink, after all we raised him to tell the truth. The one I am worried about is my husband, he can't stand the sperm donor, which is no secret to anyone. Not even the judge, my husband made that perfectly clear to him and he accepted it, which surprised us all. We have a lawyer, he said that my grnadsons voice gets heard, and maybe this is what he meant, by a shrink, the SD even told the judge that maybe the shrink can help him. I am hoping the SD goes in there slamming myself and my husband and how much he hates the fact that we have my grandson, and I truly have a funny feeling that is what he'll do, he looses it very quickly, his wife even says he does not know how to control himself or correct a child, Hopefully this will show to the shrink. I thought you had to be a member of AArp to get their help. My husband is 53 and I am 48, we both work full time jobs, we even have jobs that allow us to have our grandson with us at times. And he loves going to both, he actually does work at both jobs, I am in retail and he puts out stock, and my husband is a warehouse manager and helps him in the warehouse, and he gets paid for working with us. He saves his money, he started him a collection of motorcycles made of glass, he puts one on layaway at a time. He's a good kid, his grades were good until the SD started haggling him. I did tell my grandson not to let the SD get the best of him and not to give him the benefit of knowing he is causing him problems. He is better than that. And to show the SD that he did well without him for 11 years, he can go without him for 11 more if that is what he truly wants. No one can force you to like or dislike anyone one, your feelings are your own and no one can change them. Thank you all and I will check into that AARP group.