Single mom guilt
By sunup13
@sunup13 (420)
Canada
April 5, 2007 9:10pm CST
Hi guys, just wondering if you want additional children, if you ever feel guilty that they will be from different fathers. I know single parenthood is a struggle, there are so many things that we have to conquer all on our own, I can handle being the only one to make decisions and raise her, trying to support us, and telling my daughter why her daddy and I aren't together. All of these situations I can handle when they come along. But this is something that makes me feel terrible, I want a few other children and I am 1)feel bad because my daughter might resent me/the other kids for having a totally different dad and 2)scared that the next guy I have a child with won't be the one either and then will all my kids have different daddies! What are your fears, what do you feel guilty about?
2 people like this
2 responses
@daniellegldn (255)
• Australia
6 Apr 07
I can totally relate.My situation is I have a 9 year old from an absolute disaster relationship when I was 21,I was fine bringing him up on my own and never really wanted the hassle of having to share him or responsabilities,I quite liked being independant.....then I met my partner about 4 years ago and things went great ,he has a 13 year old and the kids got along ok and there didnt seem to be any problems we got engaged etc and then my partner said he wanted kids.....well I was so confused I didnt want to have a family with my son,his daughter and then OUR baby? it didnt feel right,then I fell pregnant and we have a 1 year old any I am now pregnant again! We are still not married and the different father/surnames etc constantly plays on my mind even though no-one thinks its strange and the kids are ok with it,I really have a problem with it!I guess one day I will get use to the whole thing and not feel so bad but in the pit of my stomach I dont think i could handle if I seperated with my current partner and had to deal with the whole different dad things.I hope and prey it works and sometimes I think everything will be ok and then we have an argument and I want the ground to swallow me but I figure that I have my kids no matter what and all I can do is be the best parent possible and give them all the love they deserve,even though I hate the situation we are in I know that its more common in this day and age.Bottom line is you need to be happy and as long as you are doing the best for your kids then I dont think there is anything wrong no matter what the situation.
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@sunup13 (420)
• Canada
6 Apr 07
Thanks for the reply. I'm glad I am not the only one that is worried about this. I'm not usually "the glass is half empty" type but it just seems like a big deal to me. I imagine that when I do get married, hopefully my husband will adopt Brooke (provided that her dad isn't still in the picture) and treat her like his own. I'm hope your pregnancy goes well and that your family will be able to work well together with the two little ones. I know that it must be hard on the two older ones having to share their parent with someone else and then having new babies thrown into the picture. Good luck!
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@daniellegldn (255)
• Australia
7 Apr 07
Thanks,I wish you all the best too and I beleive there is someone for everyone so just keep waiting for the right guy.
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@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
15 Apr 07
I remember growing up a new family that moved into town. I thought it was extremely odd that the children had different last names. Sadly enough, this seems to be quite common these days. My children do, as I have children from two partners.
I guess I wouldn't be too concerned about your daughter resenting you or the other children. I doubt that she would never even think about such a thing. There is always the possiblility that the next guy might not be the one. So choose carefully, but don't cut yourself off. Don't stop yourself from being happy.
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@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Apr 07
Like I said, everyone thought it was odd when we were growing up because it was not so common back then. Now it happens so frequently that nobody thinks too so much about it. I don't think that having different last names has affected my children in any way.
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@sunup13 (420)
• Canada
15 Apr 07
Thanks Kelly, I guess I just worry too much about this type of thing. I was a kid from a broken home and I was happy. But my mom never remarried, my dad did but they never had anymore kids. I guess it is more prevalent nowadays for kids parents to be divorced or not together, so she'll probably fit in pretty well!
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