Is There Such A Thing As A Perfect Parent?
By MsJessi
@MsJessi (423)
United States
April 7, 2007 11:25am CST
I don't think so. I think all parenting skills vary, but that doesn't mean that one practice is better than the other. I think it also depends on the child as well. Every child requires a different level of discipline and lesson. I used to think that I had to strive to be one of those moms...a soccer mom, PTA mom, a mom that never sleeps because she spends ALL of her time providing for her kids and her house and her husband. But you know what? Do I don't! I am finally realizing that just because a mom does all that stuff, does not make them a perfect parent. When I really get deep into it and think about it, I had crappy parents! My dad never gave a crap and my mother was drunk ALL the time...no exaggeration there. And I KNOW that I grew to be a stronger person because of it. Again, I think it depends on the child. So many successful people in this world came from NOTHING or broken homes and decided at an early age that that they would make their lives better. But what happens when those people have kids? Do their kids miss out on the valuable lessons in morals, respect for another, and discipline? I believe that sometimes they do. More and more I see so-called perfect parents who do everything with and FOR their children, but they're children have all learned to take it for granted. They don't have any respect for people or their parents, or even themselves for that matter.
I truly understand wanting a better life for your children than what yours was, but why does that have to mean our children have to become selfish and spoiled individuals? Some may say that I'm hard on my kids, my husband and I both, we don't beat them, but they know the meaning of "earning" and they also have respect for others. So many times I've been complimented on how my children behave around other people, and I'm proud of that. So what if my 9 year old doesn't have a cell phone, he doesn't need one! So what if my kids don't have all the latest in youth technology and toys, they don't need them, and if they're grades aren't up, they don't deserve them!
SO, is there such a thing as a perfect parent?
9 people like this
17 responses
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
7 Apr 07
Of course there is no such thing as a perfect parent because there is no such perfect human. WE all try our best but often that falls short of need.
As long as you provide a good example to your children there is really little else that you can do that will influence them more. Words mean nothing, especially the older they get. So regardless of what you tell them it is what you do that makes all the difference.
Remember the old saying "don't do what I do, do as I say". Yea! Right that always works. NEVER!
And there comes a point when doing for your children is too much. They do take it for granted and it means nothing.
2 people like this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Yes, the classic, "Do as I say, Not as I do!" I love that one!! lol. I know it's an unfair thing, but on the other hand, a child needs to know that there is a difference between an adult and a child, and becoming an adult may mean you get to do more things, but it also means you HAVE to do more things...with every perk, there's a responsibility. That's a tough one to teach!
@agwbabycakes (188)
• Canada
7 Apr 07
In a perfect world there probably would be a perfect parent but we dont have a perfect world or a perfect parent or a perfect child. I always say to parents and inlaws I have the right to make my own mistakes with my children yo already had your chance for your mistakes, but in all seriousness My parents were very far from perfect and not that I think kids should go through anything that I went through it didn't make me a worse person for it in fact it might have made me that much better. I think its important for children to have love,and the basic things they need ie food, shelter, clothes and whatever else happens from there happens there's no point stressing over it we're all going to make mistakes just like every parent before us
2 people like this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I don't think there is such a thing called a perfect parent either. I think all parents have some faults. None of us are perfect and we all raise our children different ways. I am trying to raise my child differently than the way I was raised. I want ther to be able to have more opportunities in life than I did, be it right or wrong in some cases. I was never given the opportunity to make my own choices about anything. I was always told what to do and when it could be done, if ever. I think parents raise their children in their own special way and some of us do not agree with some of the other parents ways, but it is their own choice.
2 people like this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
7 Apr 07
That is very true. I don't know about you, but I tend to find it hard "inside" to deal with parents that say their perfect. I tend to not believe them. Of course, I am not the kind of person to tell someone that. Because to be honest, I don't know what goes on in their hosue. All I know is that so many people now-a-days seem so fake. Like everyone thinks they have to act a certain way to be accepted, which sadly may actually be true for most. I just can't stand it.
@mememama (3076)
• United States
7 Apr 07
My friend and I were just talking the other day that our children have a way better life than we did as children. Both of us grew up in bad neighborhoods, from that we are very street smart. I do fear that my son won't know how to be street smart at all since we don't have to worry too much about crime where we live.
I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect parent. I nurture my son the best way I can. I do admit I have faults, but who doesn't? I don't think he's too spoiled, he knows when no means no (he's just a toddler) and he doesn't get every toy he sees. It's such a fine balance!
2 people like this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
7 Apr 07
Yea, even I'll admit that I am not perfect by any means! I know that I make mistakes...but what also comes into play is our influences growing up as parents. We often get it into our heads that we need to do "better" than our parents, when in all actuality, we tend to be just like them at times. I hate the fact that I act like my mom sometimes, and I know that I do. So I wonder if trying so hard to not act like her, is how I make my mistakes.
hmmmm....
Thanks for the response!
@Sicantik (706)
•
7 Apr 07
No I don't think so. As a child when my parents started to get on my nerve and made me upset in anyway I always said to myself. I will never treat my kid that way and I'll be better parent than they were.
But Now I'm a mum and I begin to realise that it's not easy to be a parent and I begin to understand why my parent did what they did. I can understand sometime they did it out of frustation. I don't think I was that bad. But so does my son and I still find it difficult sometime not to get angry with him for a little thing he does.
I think there's not such a thing as aperfect parent but you can always try to be a good one. At least that's what I want to be...xxx
2 people like this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Yes, I've even noticed that I do things just like my mother did. Not all good things either. It's hard to seperate impulse reaction from what we think is right, based on how we were raised. I struggle with it daily, but I know in my heart what right and wrong, and I try to learn from my mistakes. That's all anyone can do.
@JavaBeansJ29 (173)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I wish there were perfect parents, however, like you said, all kids are different and respond differently to forms of discipline. I have found that there is an enormous lack of discipline and structure out there. It seems as though so many kids run free and have no consequernce for their actions. And considering the economic status, so many parents are not home to parent and these kids are left alone. Right or wrong, it depends on your personal situation and the kid as an individual, but where has the American family gone?
2 people like this
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
9 Apr 07
Where has the American family gone? lol, to WORK! lol. Seriously though, that's what's happening, it's come to a point where the "need" for things is so high that both parents have to work to get these "things". Not to mention that reliable childcare is hard to come by these days, cause again, everyone's out there to make a buck.
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
8 Apr 07
hello my friend MsJessi,
No i dont think there is anything such as a perfect parent, we just all do our best in our own way. I think society is so structured that children are media trained to be selfish and aquisative. If they were not, where would the world be without its next generation of eager capitalists. I think in this toxic environment parents can only do so much
blessed be
1 person likes this
@primecrimson (1388)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
As long as there is no perfect person in this world I don't think there will be such thing as perfect parent. Every parent has it's own way of taking care of his/her children. Parenting style and skill differs from every parent to another. A parent was driven by his/her own principles in life that is why he/she teaches it to his/her children.
What may seem good to other parents may not be good to the other one. Culture and personal characteristics of a person varies that is why we are brought up differently.
2 people like this
@007Bond1974 (881)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
a person may be perfect in some ways but not perfect in all ways...there can be no perfect person,this goes the same with parents......but there is only one thing that disregards perfection to characterize a parent ...and that is love.....peace!
1 person likes this
@healer (1779)
• India
8 Apr 07
A primary goal of all children is to become independent. Instead of fighting against this very natural process, a wise parent will use it to his advantage. Anyway the points given below are some collected from a book about parenting. I don't have any kids at the moment but soon i have to face it whether i like it or not.
Raising children is a complicated job. There are times when every parent and caregiver can use some help. There are many books available to parents to help you get through the day-to-day issues you face with your children.
If your child doesn't clearly understand that YOU are the boss, even minor issues can cause you major headaches. Your first response to this statement may be, "Oh, but my children know who's the boss in our house." You may think they do, but there are many ways we give mixed messages and confuse our kids over this issue. The keys presented here will help you identify the areas where you can make some changes.
The first step to taking charge is simply to give yourself permission to be in charge, and begin expecting your children to obey you.
One popular mistake parents make is asking instead of telling. The way you phrase your words determines whether your children see your request as optional or required. Banish all wishy-washy phrases from your vocabulary
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
9 Apr 07
That's tough, because telling and asking your kids can reflect the way they treat people. I do a little of both. But I also want my kids to treat others with respect, more specifically, their siblings. If I run around the house demanding my kids do things, then they will do the same with others. Hmmm, it's a tricky life, this one.
@roshnichaudhary (1160)
• United States
7 Apr 07
I agree with you as parenting is really very responsible work and there is no universal rule of parenting. But it's also true that parents should know their child/ren better than others and always should be intended to take care of them. If your child is depressed and failed in something then he may blame you but when he/she will be cool and think about your effort then they will don't have complain for you. Just don't copy others.
2 people like this
@nic_knick (739)
• China
8 Apr 07
there has nevern been so called perfect parent in the world. our parents are just human beings .and they are able and likely to commit mistakes when they come across difficulties. so i am not expect ing my parents would be divine or something. i donot know whether i can be a good parent or not. good luck to myself............................
@girish_aarthy (68)
• India
8 Apr 07
perenting is a skill obtained hereditary. remember one things make your child relaise the external world around them. that itself will boost them.
@mikipot (19)
• Philippines
8 Apr 07
i agree with you.. even if you someone thinks he or she is a perfect parent there is no such thing.. people have different opions or definition of about being perfect. there's no such thing but even so you must try to be a good parent to your child sacrificing what you want for the best of them.. thats basically it.
1 person likes this
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
8 Apr 07
Absolutely not! No one is perfect. You learn by your mistakes. There are things that I did with my first that I probably wouldn't do again in the ways of punishments. I am a little more lenient with my second that's for sure. When we take on a job of being a parent it is new to us and we don't all know what to do. Also there are certain things that work for one child and maybe not for another. All you can do is try your hardest to make the best decisions and to learn from your mistakes.
@MsJessi (423)
• United States
9 Apr 07
That is exactly right! I agree 100%. I started having my kids so young that it made it worse. Although I think I did really well compared to some other people I know, I know that I made many mistakes regardless. But thankfully, being 25 years old, I am in a solid, stable place now. Finances could still use some work, but we're happy and we're healthy, and that's how it should be.
@cockadoodledoo (337)
• Australia
8 Apr 07
I dont think there is such a thing as the perfect parent. I know that I am not, but will always try my hardest.
