Ready made family

Well thankfully, he isn't married to the girlfriend at least not yet. So right now he's really under no obligations to her or the child, it's just a casual thing I am thinking. But worse case, if he does get serious with her, it's only one child, not a houseful. I agree at 16 he isn't ready to be a father figure, especially for a child that's not his. Hopefully he tires of the family life soon and moves on. Just keep giving him your opinions, and he should get it soon!

I agree I have told my son this often..and thankfully he is not ready for a family and wont be for a few years

you are absolutely right to tell him that. however, I would be very careful with how I talked to him about this...you don't want him to run to her as a refuge. I would suggest sympathizing with maybe the reasons he would like to be with her, but point out all of the positive experiences he would be missing out on if he were to get serious about this girl (or any girl at his age). he has many values which can happen no matter how bad his current situation might appear to him(problems getting along with parents/siblings/teachers/whatever). good luck.

If he really likes his girlfriend and he thinks she is the right one, it is a good thing for them to get marry, it is not a problem that his girlfriend has a baby as long as your grandson accepts this. But the problem is just like what you say,whether they are able to support the whole family or not,if they do not financially stable, they may not live happily and may end up with a lot of problems. Marriage is not something like you can do it if you want, you need to have planning and preparation in order to have a good marriage. I can understand your worry....

I agree with you he is way to young to even think of getting involved with a older women that has a baby plus herself to think of. He really needs an education now a-days to get any where in this world and its getting tougher all the time. I'm surprised that she is even interested in him. She must be in-mature to even think of involving him in her situation with him only being 16. What is she thinking. I can understand his end. He's young. But she should know awhole lot better then him how tough life is to raise that baby plus herself. Maybe she is the one that needs the adult conversation.. Tammy

I'd be careful about nagging him too much about it. Teenagers have this tendency to look like they're not listening even when they are, for one thing, so he probably hears you. He may not agree with you, but he hears you. They also have this tendency to get fed up with nagging and go do exactly the opposite of what they're being nagged to do, just for spite. You've made your opinion known. Stepping back gracefully and continuing to be supportive of him will get you further than nagging.

He is so young, it probably won't last with the girlfriend. It would put a cramp in his social life having a girlfriend with a baby. Hopefully he gets the message about finishing school and going on to college.

Pretty good advice but don't you know he may listen to you but it will not make any difference. He will still do just as he wants and then later in life he will wish he had listened to what his grandma had said.

I have a story to tell. I got pregnant while in high school. I was 17 and a year away from graduation. I did marry the father, but he thought staying out until 3 am or later was acceptable behavior. I left and went home to momma. I got through high school with much help from my mother. I could have went to collage and would have a better life, but I had a child to raise. I live in a small trailer and work in a sewing factory making only $1 over min. wage. If I had went to school I could be making $50,000 instead of 10 to $13,000. Right now I am only making ends meet. We have been laid off and because of getting my daughter to school I can not find anything I can work the hours required. Being a parent is hard work. It is not something one should get into lightly. The child will come to know your son as Daddy and it will only cause it sorrow if things do not work out. He will be with himself forever, can he really say for sure that she will be there forever? Sorry to get long winded, but I truly believe this is a BIG decision for him and He should think very hard before making any decision.

I think that you did the right thing. You were giving your 'grandmotherly' opinion. Which is you 'right' to give. On the other hand (mine) my daughter is nineteenwith a baby and finding it hard to keep a boyfriend for same reason. No one wants a ready made family. BUT I have told her it is not the time for that, she needs to get on and accomplish 'things' first.

Why is he thinking of getting married and stuff? If he loves his gf what does it matter if she already has a baby (altho i can understand why you wouldnt what him to get married right NOW). Be careful how much you nah about it though. I have a family that love to give me "advice" about what to do with my life, and its so annoying.

You gave your grandson good advice. That's exactly what my father always told us girls and boys to do. Better finish school before thinking of starting a family or having kids. It's a lot of stress and responsibility and it's hard to finish school after you start your own family and especially after you have kids. I agree your grandson should focus and give most of his time to getting a good education that will lend him a good job.

I was a single mom myself before I got married to my husband. We had issues with his family and mine simply because my side of the family is scared that he will not be able to support me and my baby financially while his side doesn't like the idea of a ready made family. I guess if two people are really in love there's no way to stop them but it always boils down to responsibility. If they're both able to support the family then it will not matter if it's a ready made family. You will not be able to stop your grandson about whatever decision he will make with his gf 'coz after all he will be the one making the decision in the end. You are right to tell him to get a degree and a good job and maybe by then if he really loves the girl then they can get married and he can support them. Best of luck.

no, you are not wrong, it's not just he is not financially ready, but also mentally not ready, his age is just 16, i think he must gain more experience before having child

I think that you should be cautiously supportive of this. He is young but that doesn't mean he can't be responsible. Give it a chance. He just might prove to all of you how mature he is. Having a child and being a parent doesn't mean he can't finish school, go to college, or get a good job. Sure it can be a little harder at times but lots of people do it all the time. What would you do if the baby was his? Tell him to end the relationship because he wasn't old enough? No, you'd tell him to take responsibility and be an adult about it. What's the difference? If he cares about this girl and her baby there is nothing wrong with what he's doing. If anything you should be proud of him for wanting to step up to the plate and be there for them when obviously the biological father didn't want to. My former husband (our divorce had nothing to do with our family situation) and I were 17 when we began dating. I had an 8 month old baby. He was and always has been a wonderful father to her, much better than her "real" father. He finished school, got a really good job, and we were buying our own home when we were just 19. He worked days while I took college classes in the evening. We had health insurance, nice vehicles and could provide everything our children needed. Some 16 year olds aren't going to be ready and responsible enough to be fathers, to their own children or to someone elses. But if you have confidence in your grandson, give him a chance. That girl and her baby might be the best thing to ever happen to him and your family.

The best job in the world will not mean he will be comfortably wealthy nor an early or late marriage would. The aforementioned is just my opinion. Although there is credit as to the maturity of people involved in terms of long term & deeper relationship, especially when responsibility is very much at stake with regards to children. Your concerns are very real & well founded, most common & sometimes devastating cause of ill relationship is about money, especially if less of it. As for me whenever its the relationship thats at stake, money is just one significant part of it but surely not the whole. And you mentioning to your grandson about not having a ready made family, might denotes either insecurity or bias to that reaction. Eventually that will be of less an issue if they would really happen to get marry. Economic sustenance is everyones concern be it young or old or small family or big family. It's well very much the right thing you have said, but is not the most perfect of all advises. If he truly likes this girl a lot, not much you can do about it. Its also good, that you do very much look up the welfare of both parties concerned. I guess, if you will allow me to say this, just be there with an open arm & heart, whenever the need arise. They would need all of it.

Yes,you are right.I think to have a baby,you should become old enough to take responsibilities and have financial support.You know,marriage and having babies is a very serious thing,can not take it carefully. In my opinion,even you have getten marriaed,you'd better wait for two or three yrs to have a baby.Cuz marriage means understanding and compromise.And the new wedding couple should have time to adapt to each other.I have seen so many couples who divorced after only one or two yrs marriage and leaving a baby who loses the love of a mothe or father. I do think teenagers should not take having a baby not seriouly.It is unfair to the baby.

I am sorry to hear that,i think your grandson should to finish his school,and go to college . he is so young,can't support a new family.when he have a good job,stable income,then it is earier establish the family with his girlfriend.

i think you are not wrong for giving him that advice since you are his grandma and it is only natural for you to be concern with him since he is only 16 years old...at least if anything happens whether good or bad you cannot blame yourself because what you did is for his own good...

Well, his girlfriend already has a baby so theres not much you can do about that if he really loves her. It seems easy to tell people what paths would be best for them, but truly, he is the only one who knows what is best for him.